Warped reaction?

So I noticed my outside behavior is turned upside down in relation to what's going on inside my mind.
To let you understand i'll say about two most prominent aspects of this phenomenon.

For one, the more I dislike someone, the nicer I am to them.
Another thing is that when I'm down real low, negative thoughts, self harm and hopelessness peak, I appear overly happy.

Actually, the situations I'm talking about are the only times when I'm not expressionless.

It's a pervasive pattern throughout my life.

When I try to display emotions it looks incredibly fake and makes the already fleeting emotions go away even faster, in addition to making them less intensive.

I wouldn't say I'm stopping myself from displaying emotions. It just that it doesn't come intuitively. As I assume most people express their emotions automatically, without thinking about it. But this definitely is not a thing is my case.
To me it's a conscious mental effort.

What could this be? Am I in some kind of denial or what?

Can you relate, have you ever noticed something similiar in yourself?

Thanks for reading, and share your thoughts, please.

I don't know. I think I have different "modes". At work I'm in Aspie mode, and everyone seems to think I'm unsociable, robotic, overreactive, and a grump. Even if I'm in a good mood.

The rest of the time, I as neutral and colorless as water. People often complain that they can't "read" me, which I think is odd because my emotions seem obvious to me. I will say I often try to hide my dislike for people I dislike, so they frequently don't know about it. Don't know about appearing overly happy when I'm depressed.

I don't have a hard time expressing emotion so much as I have a hard time enduring other people at all. Interactions of any kind between me and other people leave me irritated and drained, but I express emotion easily when I want to.

-- Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:46 pm --

Do you find your online and offline personas to be different? Or even that you have different personas in different situations at all, whatever those situations may be? Or is the "warped reaction" phenomenon you're describing here consistent across different situations?

Also, if it's not too much to ask, do you feel the same kind of warped reaction during sex?

I've heard that many people with autism laugh or smile at inappropriate times. I just don't have any experience with this.

pamelaperejil wrote:I've heard that many people with autism laugh or smile at inappropriate times. I just don't have any experience with this.

Same with those on the schizotypy spectrum. It's usually referred to as inappropriate affect. I didn't know those on the autism spectrum had a similar issue. I'm trying to decipher which spectrum I am on or both so it's an important subject for me.

Don't take my word for it. I'm not an expert.

Uh, well, it's a lot to ask, but I'll reply. Obviously, I don't have sex with people I dislike.
And when I'm in the lowest of lows, it gets me up a little, so I guess I'm happier, if only for a while.

As for this different personas thing, I'm way more open to people when online.
And yes, the issue is present across different situations, as long as the aforementioned conditions are present. But not online. Then i'm really honest and te issue is not there.

Did you have parents that disliked you showing any kind of negative emotion?
You perhaps learned to overcompensate.

ArchCannon wrote:Uh, well, it's a lot to ask, but I'll reply. Obviously, I don't have sex with people I dislike.
And when I'm in the lowest of lows, it gets me up a little, so I guess I'm happier, if only for a while.

What I meant was, do you easily show emotion during sex? Or is it contrived? Again, if that's not too much to ask.

As for this different personas thing, I'm way more open to people when online.
And yes, the issue is present across different situations, as long as the aforementioned conditions are present. But not online. Then i'm really honest and te issue is not there.

Online meaning this forum, or online at all? I'm inclined to think seabreezeblue is right.

Maybe you got judged for showing your real emotions or for not showing enough emotion. Most people are less inhibited online. Does it feel freeing to be online? Does it feel freeing to post on ASPD? Like you can be yourself? I remember I found it freeing to be in an environment where negative emotions were allowed, even if I wasn't very much like them.

You'll have to excuse me, that's taking it a bit too far.

Posting online feels freeing as a whole, but especially ASPD forum, tbh.


When I was younger I was told I was showing too much emotion, nowadays I'm told I show too little.
By now I'm not sure how to display emotions, let alone feel them.

It's all seriously puzzling.