ASD Life

How does one keep conversations going? All my life I have struggled with self confidence and struggle with keeping conversations going

I find this very hard, the natural flow of a conversation between family members amazes me.

When we are talking about subject "a" I can't think of what to say, when the conversation reaches a new subject "b" or even further changes. Something pops into my head about conversation "a" and when there is a pause, I say what is in my head. This really confuses everyone as I am not concentrating on what they are currently saying, I just have to say what's in my head.

I have the same problem when I'm with other people which I'm not emotionally close to, or familiar with. If I spent an hour or two with a family member or friend to catch up, I can say a lot. But then I get to that point where there's nothing else to say and I just don't see the point in talking to them anymore. I think it makes the other person feel awkward

You could try bringing up a special interest or talking about yourself. It might be hard to know whether or not the other person is into it but if they ask questions, that's usually a good sign, I think. A good thing I do is ask questions about them, and people usually like to talk about themselves.

It is hard to keep emotional engagement for long. Even if i manage to talk i cant fake emotions, sventually people lose interest. To keep a minimum ability to speak its important to dedicate yourself to a number of actibities where you may progress, to have paxonate subjects to share. This also raises your self esteem, which improves social interaction. An expressive skill is very important. I play the guitar. This allows me to exteriorize everything i cant normally express in socialization. Also tender to plants, and go fishing in the sea. When i spend too much time with people i get drained and exhausted. Its important to find your balance.

I am pretty good at conversations. Step one: Check in, ask how they are doing. Step two: Wait for the partner to suggest a topic. Step three: Bring up a skill or hobby you can somehow share with the other person, like a song on an instrument, a drawing, or a fact about chemistry.

Ugh, I just did this today. Someone asked me how my weekend was and I told them about taking my dog to the park. I never asked them how THEIR weekend was. Then the person next to me (I was at a day center) asked the first person how their weekend was and I was so embarrassed because I realized that *I* should have asked that. I always do that too. Don't know how to keep a conversation going to save my life.

I think my problem has been figuring out if they really care or not. This shouldn't matter but I feel like time is being wasted. I'm not saying I spend my time better but perhaps I could. I don't think I really care what they did this weekend so maybe that's my problem. If I did ask, I'd then have to act like I do care and then I don't feel genuine.

Like ogr mentioned, my mind doesn't always go in sequential order so I may still be mulling over what was said in the previous conversation. If it's just me and the spouse, I can answer some questions up to an hour later once my mind decides an answer. In a group, I usually just keep to myself knowing I can hinder the proper flow of communication.

When i was younger I had alters based on other people I'd met who were popular and by 'becoming them' I could pass 'as normal'. Continually masking like that in an environment where I lived with others (at university) more or less constantly eventually triggered a meltdown.

I've lived isolated for years (by choice) so these days 4hrs of being someone else is exhausting so can't manage more than either a morning or an afternoon (not a full day) in the company of others! with an alter up front dealing with it.

It's a relief when they've gone or I'm back home and can get back in bed and completely relax!