Autism Spectrum or Schizo Spectrum?

Before I get started I will admit I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. If I happen to read or hear about an illness, mental or physical I will begin to strongly believe I have it.

Over the last year I have been researching autism. Long story short, I overheard someone at a party speculating if I was autistic due to my quietness and spacey quality. That being said, I was incredibly high (am a bit of a stoner), was new to this group who happened to be going through an std crisis, which scared the crap out of me (I began to believe I had every std and had racing thoughts and just kept smoking to prevent panicking). Since then I decided to research autism/asperger's and I do have a hand full of traits that meet criteria, but for most of them they can be explained. For example I grew up with a bipolar drug addict alcoholic mother who verbally and physically abused me, and would not allow me to socialize, which would explain my social awkwardness and anxiety. There are many more more traits I can list and explain, but I will save that for another thread.

My 2 major concerns are my eye contact issues and taking things literally.

As far as the eye contact goes, it typically is an issue when I'm dealing with an intimidating person or authority figure. When I'm being scolded and yelled at it's the same story. I KNOW I'm breaking eye contact because the intensity of the situation just kills me. Being humiliated (especially in front of others) is unbearable to me. If I look right at them I will most like break down. However there have been times where others have commented my eye contact is poor when this is not the case. The marijuana usage has contributed to that (makes me space out or paranoid) or when I'm focusing on a task which I MUST look at (such as counting change, bagging items, etc.,) I also just feel constant eye contact is a bit unnatural and threatening. Isn't it normal to look around while talking? I've read the direction your eyes are pointed determine thought, past, future etc.,

Taking things literally is another major issue. I understand almost all metaphors, figures of speech and most of the time get sarcasm and irony. Sometimes, I respond literally to be a smart ass and people think I'm being serious. The main problem lies when a joke is made that has content that is triggering. I am quick to fuse when someone is "giving me a hard time" or is implying that I've done something wrong and are "guilting" me (again, links back to abuse). I usually take offense to anything insinuating that I'm a whore/tramp/slut/gold digger, even if it's clearly a joke (I have been sexually assaulted and raped, so I feel it's justifying my abuse). I also over read into a joke implying a threat such as endangering my job, personal safety, damaging my reputation (slander and blackmail are the big ones) etc., It's not that I don't "get" the joke, but I see a double meaning. I see it almost as a conspiracy theory, like all of the "symbols" and pop culture references to 9/11 before the event happened. I see it as the perpetrator using the "joke" ("fiction") to subconsciously tell me that they're going to screw me, and if I "accept" that joke it's as if I'm agreeing to this abuse. Hope that makes sense.

Does this sound AS/ASD or more along the lines of Schizo/Paranoia?

This post made me think of anxiety/obsession as the major problems, which would also explain hypochondria.

The bit about taking jokes the wrong way sounds like you react pre-empting the worst, sounds very defensive, or when it gets pre-emptive rather than reactive, "paranoid" would describe this, but in the emotional/personal/colloquial sense more than the schizophrenic, which would seem to go with the stuff above too.