I beginning to think I might have ADD/ADHD

Hello all,

I'm a 19 year old female college student, and I have a couple of behavioral traits that are really beginning to affect my life. This has led me to consider that I might have an attention deficit.

1) I have the attention span of a goldfish and terrible reading comprehension. I was an overachiever in high school and still do pretty well in college, which I know is unusual for someone with AD(H)D, but I also get by in non-traditional ways. I have an almost impossible time paying attention during lectures. I used to bring my computer to take notes, but I would constantly be distracted by facebook and reddit. I guess there are no surprises there, since most people are. But basically, I'd miss the entire lecture and not know how to do my homework. So I stopped bringing my laptop and started using a traditional notebook. This worked sometimes. About 1 in every 4 lectures, I would have decent notes and a good understanding of the material. 1 in 4 times I would lose about 30 minutes and suddenly become aware of a very detailed drawing on my notebook. 1 in 4 times I would lose the entire lecture to my thoughts about something irrelevant. The remaining 1 in 4 times I would just be dying of boredom. I pass my finals by getting notes from my peers, meeting with my professors, and skimming the texts. Given enough time, I can compile very sophisticated note sheets while intermittently going on reddit. I owe most of my success to my ability to remember minutia.

When it comes to reading, I also have a problem. First, I'm a very slow reader. It takes me 2-3 times as long to read something as it does for most of my peers. Furthermore, as a philosophy major, most of the reading I have to do is very dense. I have an almost impossible time plowing through it. While I am good at memorizing minutia for science classes and the like, I am terrible at grasping main ideas from large bodies of text. Therefore, I spend most of my reading time on SparkNotes. And still, I can repeat back the full gist of what I read, but I have a hard time getting the main idea. I think I'm pretty good at philosophy overall, but this leads me to look dumb in class a lot by making irrelevant comments and going off on tangents. For a while, I thought this was just my paranoia, but one of my professors mentioned to me once that I have trouble staying on topic, so I know it's not just me. I also rely on conversation to understand things. I need another person to bounce things off of who can keep me on track and help me distill my ideas. This has me at my professors' offices like twice a week sometimes, which I imagine is annoying for them.

Another thing is that when I am not getting something, my brain kind of blocks it out. I do a lot of math because I enjoy it. Sometimes I bring my homework to tutoring and I ask the tutors a question about something I'm not understanding. They begin to explain it, and I just can't seem to process. I begin panicking that the tutors will think I'm stupid, which distracts me from the explanation, and soon everything starts to dissolve and the numbers lose their meanings. I usually end up leaving the session and crying in the bathroom because I feel so stupid. The thing is, when I come back to it later when I'm calm, I'm usually able to solve the problem really easily.

2) Self-expression. The thing that bothers me most here is that I feel unable to behave around others in a way that is representative of who I am. I have a schizoid personality, and really enjoy being alone a lot, so I have had plenty of opportunity to get to know myself. However, I do like to interact with people in small, healthy doses and sometimes I NEED to interact with them to get what I want. And I frankly suck at it. I tend to act like an immature idiot, especially around people I respect. This has been the case as far back as I remember. The only difference is that I feel like in the past, immaturity did reflect my inner self. My attention was first drawn to this through a friendship I had in 7th grade. I'm kind of a privileged kid, and my best friend was, well...not. She had to grow up really fast for a lot of reasons. Anyway, I was in a pubescent idiot phase, and she always made it obvious to me how crazy I made her. Everything I said was stupid and immature and inappropriate and gave her a headache. This was accurate. However, as I got older, I became more aware of this and shifted my thinking against it. Yet, I still caught myself behaving that way. Saying inappropriate things without considering the company I was in, insulting people, bragging, and fibbing. Basically, showing off, but in a way that does not impress people. I still do it when I'm excited, albeit to a lesser extent. For example, I curse a lot, and I know it sounds immature and stupid, but I can't stop. I feel like people see me as a loud, obnoxious anime character, when that is not who I am at all. Sometimes when I'm entering a new environment, I promise myself that I won't do it, which usually leads to me being abnormally sluggish and withdrawn. I just wish I could interact with others in a way that won't embarrass me.

im not really sure. some things sound familiar to me, but there also seems to be general ad/hd symptoms from what you have described. if these things are getting in the way of being successful and happy then see a therapist. if they think it might be ad/hd then go see a specialist.

From what you have described, I would say you have it.

Here is why: Your struggle with reading comprehension and speed; your need to work off of the example of fellow students like their conversation keeping you on topic and their notes helping you as well; still struggling to listen and pay attention when you ask a person for help; your spontaneous (possibly inappropriate) behavior. All of these are definite situations a person with adhd will find themselves in. It by no means negates your intelligence. It just comes with the territory of having it.

I totally relate to a lot of what you said. I struggled in school because I couldn't pay attention AND take notes. It was one or the other. When I went to ask a teacher to repeat something, I would completely space out while they spoke and hate myself after for losing my last chance at understanding the day's topic. However I did well in school like you because of my ability to memorize things visually. I struggle as well in social situations. I either cannot get my words out correctly or end up sitting there, blank faced and half paying attention. I've cried many times because it has gotten me in uncomfortable situations like a police officer directing traffic and my not being able to fully comprehend he was talking to me.

Back to you, I really think you should do more research on this topic. It will help you so much to understand that it is not just you not behaving like others seem to. The general understanding is that adhd just makes you hyperactive physically. But it is mostly mental. It can cause you to be inattentive, spontaneous and hyperactive. So the fact that you can't take proper notes or can't seem to behave properly in social situations? Blame it on the adhd. Once you understand it, you can get yourself into healthy, good habits to self help or get a little help from meds. Your choice.