Letting go of the Anger

Hello, I am a mother of a 6 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at the ago of 4. At first it was really hard to deal with i would cry all of the time and not want to give him the medication.

Now I feel he does not get enogh. I am tired all of the time.. he is up continuously throughout the night. He does not like to eat. he has violent outbursts and he is extremely abusive to his friends and his little brother. I am at the end of my rope. I have called children services on myself because I do not know what I can do anymore. I am tired of all of the abuse.

i need to know how to start loving my son more and forgetting about what the disorder is. In some way i feel I do not love him. I get angry with him and sometimes I do hit him. I just can not take the pain anymore. he is on ritalin a full pill at 8, 10 then half ones at 12,2,4,6 then he has chlonidine at 7 and again at 12. He can be a very sweet loving kid but right now I just don't know. i need to know how to let it go and to love him again. I am just so angry at why he is like this why I fight with my husband all of the time. why my youngest child has to be around this negativity all of the time.. What can i do .. Any suggestions.