I just got a prescription for ADHD and I feel like a moron.

I know that my experience is probably identical to a lot of the people who post here so I'll keep it brief and cut out the details.

- I've always struggled to focus on menial tasks

- Simple homework assignments like reading logs would drive me nearly to tears when I was young despite being so damn easy.

- Sitting down to work on stuff has always been agonizing. The only reason I did well in school is that I was a good improviser and a great test taker. Everything I did was procrastinated and half-assed.

- Even simple chores are a struggle when they really shouldn't be. I cannot do anything without multitasking, the boredom is torturous.

- Being a sloppy procrastinator is not cutting it in the adult world

- My life is being ruined by my impulsivity and lack of discipline. Even when the stakes are high, I can't focus on tasks. Sitting down to do 2 hours of work is really 30 minutes of work and an hour and a half of satisfying meaningless impulses.

That's the rundown of how my poor attention span has affected me minus a lot of minor details. I finally bit the bullet and thought to myself that I might have ADHD. It makes sense given my behavior symptoms and at times my severe lack of focus. I spoke to a psychiatric nurse (because getting an appointment with a psychiatrist takes forever) and after speaking about my experiences and problems with her she prescribed me Wellbutrin. But I cannot help but feel like I'm just looking for excuses for the fact that I am just a lazy, undisciplined slacker that cannot be bothered to try. I believe ADHD is real and pharmacological intervention is a valid and credible treatment for it. But I have yet to pick up my subscription from the pharmacy and I'm really second-guessing even taking it.

Based on what I've read, coming off of Wellbutrin can be a painful process that induces mood-swings and takes a while to ween off of. So if I find out it doesn't work well for me I'm committed to a neurological struggle for several weeks. And through this concern I've found myself just scared of the prospect of taking medication for my attention at all. I don't need medical advice about Wellbutrin specifically, I can do the research on the drug myself (even if I get distracted doing it). I'm just struggling work through what might be a toxic attitude I have toward medicating myself for anything. I cannot shake this powerful, dreadful shame that I'm just making excuses and running to drugs to solve my problems when my attention problems may just be a product of my weakness of character. Some lack of willpower. Logically I know that I probably do have ADHD but whenever I think about treating my issues like a medical one I cannot do anything to escape this overwhelming shame keeping me from doing anything about it. Part of me feels stupid for even posting this. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense at all, maybe this comes off as an incoherent rant but I would like for some people with experience dealing with ADHD to help give me some perspective here.

I'm trapped between a desire to try, a fear that the treatment might be worse than the problem, and personal shame that I'm even considering this at all.

Apologies for the late reply.

bcamer99 wrote:But I cannot help but feel like I'm just looking for excuses for the fact that I am just a lazy, undisciplined slacker that cannot be bothered to try. I believe ADHD is real and pharmacological intervention is a valid and credible treatment for it. But I have yet to pick up my subscription from the pharmacy and I'm really second-guessing even taking it.

I'm on my own path to an autism diagnosis myself. For years I've beaten myself up and felt it was my fault because I can't manage the amount of social interaction others do. I've struggled with taking on more days at work- something other people seem to manage just fine. I'd take on more days, and repeatedly hit the wall emotionally because it was so overwhelming. Suddenly I have an explanation for it, for so much of what I've struggled with all my life. It was a lightbulb moment. I went back to the therapist with a long list of "is that why I do..." items, and he said yes to just about everything on my list. It was validating.

Having a disorder that interferes with normal functioning does not make you lazy or undisciplined, or a moron. It makes everyday tasks much harder than they are for the average person. I found the more I read other peoples experiences of the same things as mine, the more I understood it and started to feel more ok with it. I have moments where I'm not ok with it, but it's becoming easier.

Did you manage to try the meds at all and have you been able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist?

If I may, as a woman diagnosed with ADHD when I was 33 and looking back, at 19 when I had an evaluation and not even assessed due to the prominent features being male based with research as merely hyperactive only.... My life came to a massive mental health crisis as everything made sense.

I highly reccommend you watch Gabor Mate's video here, in which he has written books on ADHD as not a diagnosis or disease. It is merely a coping mechanism due to environmental factors as a child growing up or when we undergo extremely stressful situations and learn to tune out. With this being said, I never follow one thought of what "is" per se. But I urge you to ask yourself about your past and perhaps how your family was growing up or experiences you endured. Medication isn't wrong, but our dialogue we attribute to it needs tuning.
Subjectively speaking, it is helping me heal while I get down to the depths as to how to heal myself with family relationships. Furthermore, being seen as a neurodivergent has its own struggles as this label places us in a box of being "weird" etc...

What is helping me is to unlearn all the conditioning and stressors/ expectations of who I "should be" per se. My family is all in medical and my father, a doctor, doesn't believe in adhd. Invalidation our whole lives, not feeling safe, seen, or heard can impact us more than we think.

A diagnosis explains symptoms, not the problem. Try medication and don't be fearful as it will be a stepping stone to help while you dig deeper to the root cause.

I hope this helps.
https://youtu.be/4jQSOSi2DA8?si=8-edPG84gAn22p5A