Can an aspie get a girlfriend?

Is it possible for aspies to get a girlfriend who would accept the strange things we aspies do or thinking patterns, and in the age of 18-25?

As for my case it is very difficult.

First of all, I would like someone to take care of me, to make me relax when nervous and such. And someone to love.

But I dont like when people touch me. This obviously contradicts with having a girlfriend.

Whats the solution in such a situation?

Want a sweet young girlfriend but dont want to kiss and such.

Its really difficult.

I am on the milder spectrum of Aspergers but can sympathise with you regarding the personal space thing. I get very stressed if I'm in a crowded bar or if someone I don't know well moves too close to me.
However, I am married and have been with my husband for nearly twelve years now and am completely comfortable with him. Because I know him and trust him and we have a good rapport. It helped as well that we were friends first.

It's funny, if you'd asked me that question about 5 months ago I'd have said, "Yeah, but girlfriends are a lot more trouble than they're worth."

But that wouldn't be my answer now. Now I'd have to say "abso-freakin-lutely!"

My advice would be to not put too much effort into it - it's not the sort of thing that trying harder really improves the odds of.

I got obscenely lucky. I found a girl, entirely by accident, that is my best friend, unbelievably understanding of Asperger's, and has made up her mind that she won't settle for anything less than spending the rest of our lives together. I'm freakin' engaged! Oh, and she very well may be the most logical and analytical female in the world who doesn't have AS.

I'm still waiting to wake up, and it's been a few weeks since we decided for sure that we had sufficient grounds to base this decision on.

Congratulations, Specktyr! Isn't is amazing when you meet someone that's for you? I had given up and somehow this person appeared who is just the one for me! We make each other very happy and improve each others' lives. My best advice is to wait for it even if it takes years. I found him at age 37 and while that may sound depressing it's worth it. And in the meantime, don't push things, just see what happens. Improve yourself, be happy with yourself and find true friends.

Congrats, Spektyr!

I do not want to rain on your parade but..
wanting a girlfriend so she can take care of you is not the correct approach to a relationship.
Is there a correct way? Dunnno. But any relationship requires giving as the primary motive, not taking.
Find someone you want to give to, and you shall receive.

I want a girl. But I don't.


Why is that?

I'm afraid to talk about my feelings. I used to be able to write about them in depth. Now after I got this neuropsycholgical exam confiriming my limited "range of emotions" and limited "empathy", I feel like...I am obligated by society to disregard my feelings for myself and others.

As far as having a girlfriend goes, I don't think that I'm emotionally mature enough to have an intimate relationship. I had one anxiety attack after another over a stupid ten page paper on Asperger's Syndrome and Artistic Imagination for English. I mean, I really respect women. That's why I'm afraid to imagine how I'd behave if
I had a girlfriend and she broke up with me.


Certainly I would NEVER abuse her physically or emotionally under any circumstances. That is, unless, any sort of emotional abuse or neglect came to surface as a result of my limited abillity to read my projected significant other's non-verbally implied cues to embrace her. Making sure that I don't get too upset when I see her talking to other men...these are the skills that because of my pervasive emotional immaturity I may never be able to grasp.

Thank you for listening, and putting up with my annoying behavior.


Take care.
Trent.

Trent, why are you letting this exam or whatever it is tell you that you have a limited range of emotions or empathy if you know it's not true? That's only how it is seen by non-Aspergers. We express our emotions differently or don't always show them and they misinterpret this.

Yeah, that's one of the many issues I have with NT's - they like to say that we lack empathy or emotional range or whatever.

That's just based on the measurements they take on the outside using the NT measuring stick. Inside my head, I'm just fine, thanks. Got my full range of emotions, and I'm perfectly empathetic.

The problem is that both the emotions and the empathy don't translate accurately across the Aspie-NT border. That means that the very same thing that makes it hard for us to deal with social situations makes it hard for them to "measure" us with their tests.


The simple fact is that you're not likely to need two hands to count the number of people you'll meet in your life who'll make a concerted effort to figure out how you are on the inside. So if you want to have relationships with NT's you're the one that has to learn to translate.

Yeah, it sucks, and it's a lot of work. But honestly (and maybe it's just my ego talking here) it's a hell of a lot easier for us to learn to understand them than vice versa. After all, they're just "normal" - a nice word for "average" or "common".


For God's sakes, don't let some NT tell you what you can't do. I haven't met a single one that was actually right about my limitations. We've got more things to learn in life than they do, because they're born with the silver spoon (socially) in their mouth. So it's not that big a deal if you're 30 or 40 before you're at the same place socially as a 25 year old NT. I dated a bit prior to this, even had a few "adult" relationships. I wanted to have the same thing I saw other people with, but I just wasn't really ready and the girls I dated weren't suited to dealing with an Aspie.

Then, a few years after I'd given up and resigned myself to a bachelor's life (which honestly, is not that bleak a future anyway), I find a girl that matches me very well. Heck, she's practically half-Aspie already. And since I'm not a complete dumbass, I'm not about to let that pass me by.

The thing to keep in mind is that relationships end badly. Otherwise they don't tend to end. So don't concern yourself too much with how you'll handled it if it happens, "what went wrong" if it does, and so on. In my experience, being "head over heels" is a sure sign that you're just dating and won't be marrying that person (if you're smart).

Just be patient. Life isn't a race. But most importantly, don't base your self-worth on whether or not anyone else values it. If you need someone else to make you feel good about yourself, you won't be happy even if you have them.