Is this Asperger's?

I'm totally alone in the world. All my family (including extended family, relatives) have cut contact with me. My sister even got a restrain order a few years ago so I'll never see again the 3 kids I helped raise for 13 years. I was fired from my dream job 3 months ago, after 5 years of very good service to the company. All the friends I made through life either left me or treated me like such a doormat that I ended up leaving them myself. I was married for 1 year (10 years ago) but I divorced my husband for abuse (physical too). I don't go out to meet new people anymore because I'm usually mocked, attacked and/or kicked out of groups. I used to try to date, but single men are especially mocking of me. I've been in therapies on and off for 25 years and have done intensive self-help work for the same time. It helped me a lot to not berate myself, but didn't help me socially. On the contrary, by encouraging me to connect to my authentic self, it started showing and I get rejected a lot more.

It took me 4 decades to decipher what bothers people about me. Now I think it's that I seem to have been born with an inability to grasp what's taboo for any given group or person. The hidden rules, expressed in hints. I have an unusual level of empathy and caring, but people see me as selfish, someone who will be herself regardless of the impact on others. I don't do it on purpose, but nobody believes me. It's only now at 44 that I discover you always have to observe what will piss someone powerful off before you act, and in a group, to observe how you should behave not to annoy those in power in the group, however illogical the rule is. When I share this problem with people, they get angry at me and say something like "Oh, come on, I can't believe you didn't know this!"

A very telling example:

I went to a breakfast buffet meeting with some colleagues and bosses. One of the bosses is a religious person who doesn't eat pork due to his religion. I helped myself to bacon and eggs, my favorite. He thought I was inconsiderate, selfish, rebellious. But it's not true. It just didn't cross my mind that it's the acceptable norm in this society not to eat pork in the company of a religious person who doesn't eat pork. I just assumed that if you have chosen to adhere to a particular diet different from everyone else's in your group, you are the one who has to adjust and tolerate people eating something else at the table. Seems it's not so. Seems the unspoken rule is: religious people have to be deferred to and you shouldn't eat what they don't eat when you're with them. How on Earth could I know? How does everyone else know these rules and I don't? Is this Asperger's?

Well, it looks like you have some self-esteem and social issues, but nothing in the post indicated a developmental disorder. Do you know what diagnosis your previous therapists gave you?

One mentioned BPD, but I don't have any of the traits associated with BPD except the impossibility to keep relationships. I've read that Asperger's is often misdiagnosed as BPD. The only trait I have in common with Asperger's is what I mentioned: the lack of awareness of unspoken social rules.

Have you looked at other traits besides the social ones to see if they fit? There's online tests as well to give some idea.

I've read a lot about Asperger's being misdiagnosed for other disorders, but there non-verbal communication impairments are only one third of the official Asperger's criteria.

I scored very low in the online Asperger's test. 21, as compared to 16.4 of the control group. So I guess it could be BPD or a psychological problem.