Will my son ever be functional enough to be independant?

I have a 12 year old that I have posted about in the ODD forums. He has been diagnosed professionally twice with ADHD and he is also in special education for behavior disorder. I am almost positive he has aspergers... and I realize getting the dx on paper is the next move. He has never in his life had a best friend, or even anyone he could get along with...ever! He is a total loner. He only has one interest, computers and that is all he does when he gets home. He pulls all his clothes off the minute he gets home from school, boxers shorts is the only thing he likes to wear.(sensory integration prob) He hates sports, anything involving other people. In the past he has been extremely violent with me, but since the police got involved at leat 4 of the times there hasn't been an incident in 3 months.
He exhibits a hodgpodg of different diagnosis: he exhibits behaviors like ODD, Aspergers, ADHD, and OCD - he is totally germ- a -phobic. Uses almost a half rollof TP for one BM so his hands don't get dirty while wiping. Toilet over flows are the norm. He will say a sandwich smells funny when it is just fine, he washes his hand a lot for a 12 year old I think.
I have spent my entire life savings getting him help. We have seen psychiatrists, family counselors, psychologists, social workers, and we have tried medication, but he is non compliant with Respiradol...he took it once and he didn't like how tired it made him so every other time I offer it he has either gotten violent (flipped over a whole bookcase full of knicknacks that shattered) or he will throw them at me, etc.
I take verbal abuse every day. He thinks I am purposely bothering him, and his normal reply to me is "shut the f*** up!". He has absolutely no respect for me and he exhibits a lack of empathy. I have never in my life met someone so negative and irritable on a constant basis.
The only way he can not be angry is to be alone ...with his electronic friend the PC. I'm a single parent and I feel absolutely overwhelmed. He has an emotional level of about7 or 8. He still falls to the ground in a tantrum shrieking, and kicking when he gets really angry. The situation has progressed to where he spends his time in the living room focused on the computer creating stick figure movies, and I'm in the bedroom just trying to stay away from him and his anger. I feel like I am neglecting him, but the psychologist says I am parenting him the way he needs to be parented. I feel like I am just playing into my sons dysfunctionability. He cannot get along with anybody! His personality is such that he is completely unenjoyable to be around. He is teased by kids at school, he irritates the heck out of his teacher... he has a reputation as a troublemaker, but its because he mis interprets the world he is in. Thats why he is utterly alone. I have talked to many other people and they have been honest with me... he is very unlikeable because of his self centerdness, lack of reciprocal conversation, lack of personal boundaries, misconstrueing what is said to him... (a good example would be when I innocently asked him if he had ever noticed that Halloween will always be the last day of October, on the 31st. He immediately got enraged and said "what do you think I'm stupid or something.. of course I know that.. why do you always tell me things I know..etc. getting angrier as he talked..it ended up in a 10 minute rant all because I asked a simple question) This happens almost constantly... therfore I don't talk to him at all. I rarely want to interact with him, because I know he will get agitated and angry sooner or later. (unjustifiably)

I know I have written way too much, I just need someplace where someone will hear me... I have tried every avenue I possibly can... even involuntary hospitalization at one point. Nothing has helped, and he is utter alone except for me...and I cannot imagine him ever being able to get a job, or be independant in the world because he interprets reality so differently than the way it really is.

I mostly need to just rant, because of his condition I too am very isolated. I'm taking it one day at a time, because if I think of the future it seems overwhelming to me. If he wasn't so extremely hostile to me, it would be so much more tolerable.

I just wanted to give an update. My son has finally started to take his medication. .5mg of Respiradal at night, and I cannot tell you how much his behavior has changed for the positive. The unjustified anger outbursts have literally disappeared. He seems to be much less irratable and angry. When he does get angry, it doesn't last near as long. I am so thankful that something is finally working. Just wanted to let you know... don't ever give up, I came real close, but kept going from doctor to agency, to therapist and I finally found something that worked for my kid.

Whether you like it or not, your son has to have independance. Maybe not total independence but at least inter-dependance.

Maybe you could talk to him about reasons why he must choose to become independant.