What do you do if you're lonely, but prefer to be alone?

This is the first time i have ever posted on any forum site, let alone divulged my innermost thoughts (those which i can somehow manage to verbalise, at any rate), to total strangers. All I can say is thank goodness I cannot see you. I hope that's not offensive - I simply find it horribly difficult to talk about myself to anyone, especially when they are in front of me. I usually cry, feel like i want to vomit and often lose the ability to speak at all. So yeah. Not the point. Sorry. God, I hope someone gets it. Anyway, this was actually meant to be about one of my biggest paradoxical problems. I often feel incredibly alone, and lonely - not the same thing - but, when I am in that state, the presence of another person could very likely make me feel much worse. What do I do? And if you don't know, please tell me someone else feels this way.

I know this feeling myself.
Often I am locking myself in my room at the dormitory, although I am feeling lonely, but I do it, because I know, that I can't have people around me in such a situation.
At most times like this, I try to abstract myself with watching DVD or listening to music. That calms me down.

Pets help, especially dogs.

Rascal77s wrote:Pets help, especially dogs.

Yes, I agree with this. I had similar feelings but I don't think quite as intense, but I've not really felt lonely at all since I started fostering my english bull terrier, or not upset about being lonely anyway.

Thanks guys - don't wanna sound soppy, but I am grateful for your response.

Hey Welcome to the forum ... You are not alone on this one! I can empathise with the lonliness thing too. I love being left alone to paint, write and play guitar in my room, and kind of wish that the whole world was contained within the four walls of my bedroom. I could stay like that forever. The feeling of lonliness usually occurs when I'm with a big group of people. Which would seem to make no sense :s

To over come this feeling I usually listen to music or wait until someone talks to me. But seeing as this has been an issue since I was a tiny kid, I have adapted a little bit. Though not entirely . . . Have you always had this problem?

The feeling of lonliness usually occurs when I'm with a big group of people. Which would seem to make no sense :s

That is pretty much the only time I ever feel lonely. The old cliche "never more lonely than when in a crowd"...

To over come this feeling I usually listen to music or wait until someone talks to me.

Music has been my "savior" my entire life. It has been my escape, my rescuer, my comforter, my companion, my inspiration for as long as I can remember. And it's something I only truly enjoy alone, preferably w/ headphones.

Waiting for someone to talk to me has been a bit of a paradox for me. I want someone to talk to me but I dread it at the same time so I put off a pretty strong "do not approach" vibe. Then I get depressed and just leave b/c no one talked to me!

I actually prefer to be alone as well, but when I'm lonely I just log in to any one of the MMO's I play (World of Warcraft, Star Wars the Old Republic) I've had friends that I play with and it gives me my alone time while still having some kind of social feeling.

"Have you always had this problem?"

Yes, I have. Never had many friends - when I was little I just talked to the teachers- I got along with them better than anyone else, and I am convinced to this day that my 'best friend' didn't actually like me. But the point is, being alone and being lonely are both things I am used to. They are essentially the norm, and yet, I have not really gotten used to loneliness. Alone is fine - good, even, but lonely? it hurts. Weird. I have my dog, my music, my World of Warcraft, my imagination. But that's only almost enough.

-- Fri Jan 27, 2012 1:21 am --

Thank you all so much for your input. This forum alone has made a difference. Being able to get things off my chest, and have others understand is a big part of what I usually go without. I feel less lonely here.

MaggieH wrote:This is the first time i have ever posted on any forum site, let alone divulged my innermost thoughts (those which i can somehow manage to verbalise, at any rate), to total strangers. All I can say is thank goodness I cannot see you. I hope that's not offensive - I simply find it horribly difficult to talk about myself to anyone, especially when they are in front of me. I usually cry, feel like i want to vomit and often lose the ability to speak at all. So yeah. Not the point. Sorry. God, I hope someone gets it. Anyway, this was actually meant to be about one of my biggest paradoxical problems. I often feel incredibly alone, and lonely - not the same thing - but, when I am in that state, the presence of another person could very likely make me feel much worse. What do I do? And if you don't know, please tell me someone else feels this way.

I've heard of loneliness, I know people who've said they experience it, but I have no clue what it is or what that's like for them.