Should I tell my cousin he probably has AS?

Hello all,

My husband's cousin is 38. We see him once or twice a year for a week. We've never quite "understood" him. Then last year I made the connection between his behavior and Aspergers. I realized in most ways the behaviors seem to be typical of people with Aspergers. His one exception is that he is very physically fit and active. Anyhow, I am worried about him. He has 1 (kind of) friend and no social life. The phone never rings. He has no family in the town or even in the country where he lives. He has never had a girlfriend. When he is not at work, he is alone. So he is alone quite often. I honestly don't know how much he minds but I think he is lonely. He did mention to me on this trip that he would like to have more social activities, but I don't know if he knows where to begin. I don't believe he knows why he doesn't have friends. He has never been diagnosed. In fact I don't believe that anybody in his family has ever mentioned anything to him about his behavior at all. On the rare occasions when I have seen them together they act like he is typical. But only to his face. Behind his back, they question why he is the way he is. I think they are afraid to say anything to him for fear of hurting his feelings. I have to admit, I am also afraid of hurting his feelings.

So that is why I am here in the middle of the night. I would like to know if it is better to risk hurting his feelings and maybe help him, or not. If he ends up getting a diagnosis, will it help him? If not, then is there any point in mentioning it at all? I understand that he cannot change the person that he is. This is not something that needs a cure. It's simply the way his brain works. And there are areas where he is waaaay more capable than I am. So, does getting a dx help? Should I speak up?

I appreciate your time and advice!

Nobody likes to be told he has a mental condition so that's a nono.

Best thing is to let him decide for himself with you supplying him with reading material about a famous aspie.

"i read this, funny that guy just sounds like you what do you think"

If he wants to know he'll pick it up if not let it ride.

One thing stood out when you say that his being very active and physically fit as being atypical to AS.I have always been fit as an athlete so maybe it isn't atypical. I am also sure he is very aware of why he doesn't have friends/social life ,many with AS already know that they are perceived as being weird by NT''S.As petrossa suggests no one likes to be told that they have a mental condition so he may react very defensively.Many people function very well without friends or without much of a social life[I do]so I might discuss ways he can bring about the changes that he desires.If he doesn't have a girlfriend but likely wants one why not discuss some strategies that will help him find one bearing in mind the significant weaknesses he may have [if he has AS ] in trying to obtain a girlfriend the way an NT would.

Thank you both for your replies. I agree, nobody wants to be told this kind of information, no matter how it is intended or brought up. I guess that's why nobody has. I think opening a dialogue about whether or not he wants to change his circumstances or if he wants input of any kind is great way to start. Also comparing him to a famous aspie is a terrific idea!

I feel better knowing that if he ends up discovering this on his own, in his own time, there is a forum like this where he can get info and support.

Thank you!

We aim to please