Newbie...wondering if I may have AS?

Hi folks,

I’m totally new to this forum, and AS, but I have been doing quite a bit of reading both on this forum and elsewhere on the subject.

Basically, I’m looking for some advice and guidance as to whether I may have AS. I am a guy in my mid 30s. If anybody has any feedback, once reading this, it would be very welcome.

What I’m going to do is be very open about some of the things that make me suspect that I may have AS. I am currently seeing a therapist but not specifically about AS (one session only, so very early days), but this process has caused me to look much deeper at other aspects of my life.

First thing to point out is that my older brother has it, probably mildly, but my other siblings don’t.

I scored 38 in the AQ test.

While I definitely demonstrate some of the behaviours, traits and symptoms common in AS, I am aware that in quite a few of them the external evidence is only slight. But when I think about it carefully, I recognise that I have probably developed coping mechanisms to cope.

I have always had this feeling that I am “different” to others, feeling a sense of social dislocation since I was a child. Being different has never really concerned me as I am happy to be unconventional and follow a different path; and sometimes I enjoy drifting away in my own world.

In terms of career, I have always been pretty successful – always in a “left brained”, analytical context. I have done well because others have admired my intensity and capacity to focus on detail...though I have always been lacking in the “political” side. Attention to detail has always been my thing.

I have always “aced” exams – top grades throughout school, college and university, because I can synthesise large volumes of information. Friends would definitely say I am of high intelligence, and I think very logically and rationally, and I am definitely a visual thinker.

I do demonstrate levels of tension and anxiety in pretty much everything I do. I find it difficult to relax properly. Stress affects me deeply – physically and mentally. A couple of situations in my life when I have had periods of stress, I find it very difficult to focus on anything else and a couple of times lost quite a bit of weight.

When it comes to social situations, I am very happy being alone and am a natural introvert. However I can be a “situational extrovert”, but during these situations – parties, work event s and the like – I do find I enjoy them but it takes a lot of energy, and I can sometimes feel quite drained. I can speak passionately, but can find small talk and conversation difficult (if that makes sense).

I am fortunate to have a close circle of friends, who have been friends for many years. But I find it difficult to make new friends and “connect” with other people, even though I push myself very hard to meet new people which is outside of my normal comfort zone.

In terms of empathy, I think I do struggle to intuitively connect with how other people are feeling (though my conscious brain often “fills the gaps”). One girlfriend was adamant that I am lacking here. I have some difficulty in expressing myself emotionally, particularly face-to-face. I find eye contact awkward when discussing emotional issues. I definitely explain myself far better in writing than in person, especially in emotional terms.

In terms of motor skills, I am an able sportsman and have lots of physical skills so couldn’t be described as clumsy – however I do have an uncanny ability to make people walk into me while trying to pass them in a corridor or on the pavement – accidentally sending them one way and then the other. It’s uncanny how often it happens! Possibly a misreading of body language, though it’s certainly never at a conscious level.

I can be very intense – people often describe me as so – particularly when it comes to my interests and hobbies. I don’t outwardly have any issues with anger, though internally I often feel a strong sense of injustice and can feel a “red mist” developing especially if I sense an injustice.

I probably have low self-esteem. I have a lot to be grateful for, but in reality I don’t think I have a particularly positive self image – even though I am eminently capable of conveying confidence when the time and situation is right. I had really bad facial acne as a teenager and went through 18 months where I totally avoided my reflection.

My speech is reasonably normal, though I do have an occasional stammer/stutter where I get stuck getting words out (especially when tired). But sometimes I can be very erudite.

In terms of “routine”, outwardly I would appear to love doing different things, but when they are in my control and they are planned. When something really left-field comes along, it can throw me. I have slightly odd eating patterns and preferences for certain foods, for example.

So, onto the relationship and sexual side. Though I am reasonable looking, intelligent and physically fit, I have always struggled to develop close intimate relationships with women (see a former girlfriend’s comments on empathy above!). Partly due to communication issues, no doubt self esteem and self confidence too...but I have always had signficant anxiety around relationships, and I can be quite a difficult person one-to-one (one girlfriend complained of emotional distance and problems with emotional intimacy).

So, that’s it. I’ve tried to keep it objective and honest, but sorry for the enormously long missive. However, having looked at other posts on this forum I know there are some wonderfully helpful and supportive people out there. Any feedback on whether you think I may have AS (even mildly), or not, would be welcome.

Many thanks.

Weird, I can't remember writing this post. Oh wait, I didn't.

Hi and welcome.

Very very dry humor. Might pass over someone's head

Translation:
You fulfill all the criteria, look no further welcome to the club.

petrossa wrote:Very very dry humor. Might pass over someone's head

Translation:
You fulfill all the criteria, look no further welcome to the club.

The more the merrier, eh?

Wow, yeah, that sounds far too familiar to me, with only a few exceptions. I thought, for a second, that I was "reading in the mirror" when I saw "mid 30s" and your score of 38. Crazy! So yeah, welcome to the club.