AS men- Stereotyped as Geeky Sociopaths

People, particuarlly men with Asperger's Syndrome, in today's society, are being perceived as sociopathically deviant. The definition of domestic abuse has changed radically since the past four decades. Now the definition can range from physical abuse, to emotional abuse and even neglect. Aspie men, alot of them, not all, have a tendency to be unable to understand why their significant other feels upset or angry. Their lack of understanding of why their girlfriends or wives feel this way is considered abusive by today's standards. A man with Asperger's syndrome might be in a loving relationship where his partner does not know that he has the disorder. He has worked hard all of his life to mask his socially awkard characteristics when he was 12. Now when he's 36, he masks his "deviant" AS characteristics without too much difficulty. The man, in this scenario, hasn't told her because he is aware that the most influential feminists, the most influential conservative and liberal leaders, have labeled people with Asperger's Syndrome as officially deviant and disgusting. So if he tells his girlfriend about his "deviance" that is the end of their relationship. For some reason, let's say he forgets to make eye contact with her one time, or her friends point out his "deviant" characteristics such as when he rings his hands. That's when she realizes that the man who she wants to marry has Asperger's (aka the "Sociopathic Geek" Syndrome)...at least that's what it is perceived to be in 21st century America. The moment she finds out she gives him two minutes to get his stuff and get out of her condo. If the AS man doesn't move quickly enough, she then calls the police. This man, he gave her little gifts every time they went on a date. He always asked for specific details about what made her sad or upset, so that he would know exactly how to help her. He nearly crashed her car once. He not only told her right away, but he paid for all of the repairs. He did everything imaginable to keep Asperger's from destroying their relationship. And she gave him her love for it. Until she found out that he had Asperger's Syndrome. Could one imagine the drooling, sloppily-dressed pedophile replacing the Bumbling Professor as the stereotypical mascot of Asperger's men? I can see it and I shudder. It sickens me that people AS and NT, Caucasian, African American, Asian, Jewish, Latino, Mormon stereotype not only each other but themselves. That's the problem with conservative America. Stereotyping is not only socially acceptable, it's the only way most Americans determine who their real friends can be. Some Aspies call themselves geeks when they don't have the remote interest in technology or science. They call themselves geeks because some NT fifteen year old subconsiously labeled them as a geek. What that Aspie and NT didn't realize was that they both are engrossed in hipster culture. But the way they walk, talk and think keeps them from sharing their interests with each other. This ofter perpepuates the social problems that this "Aspie Hipster" has in high school. Now he can't make grow not only socially but as a person. We have to stop this stereotyping or more Aspies are going to be seen as lost causes or worse, geeky sociopaths when they are anything but.

Do you have any basis for saying that Aspies are viewed as sociopaths or is this just your personal opinion?

Mostly this just reads like a poorly-written scare tactic. If you have any facts, it would be advisable to reference them.

I learned this information on backlash.com/disabillities.

All right, I phoned in my writing on this forum. Right now I'm taking the criticism deeply, but I'm going to improve my writing because of it. I really want a relationship right now, but I just know that some way or the other, Asperger's Syndrome is going to get in the way of it. I can't tell the difference between sincerity and insincerity. I hate it when girls reject me by using the phrase "I'll think about it". And I think that "poorly written scare tactic" that I posted is an example of my constant struggle to come to terms with Asperger's Syndrome. But I truly am frightened by how society treats people who are "not one of them". Please respond, if you'd like.

Being "one of them" doesn't guarantee you'll feel like "one of them". Plenty of perfectly normal people feel like they're standing on the outside looking in.

The important thing to do is to learn to identify yourself based on what you are rather than what you're not or what you don't have. No matter what problem someone has, the vital step to feeling good about themselves is to focus on the positives and stop obsessing about the negatives.

I'm not "normal". I don't have a girlfriend. And these things do not make me feel like less of a person because I've learned, I've chosen to deprioritize them. Sure, there might be some advantages to having those things changed, but there's disadvantages as well. There's very few switches in life that are clearly "good" on one side and "bad" on the other.

Belonging to the majority crowd is beneficial if you have a big problem with feeling excluded, but there's so much more to a human than Asperger's or not-Asperger's that everyone is excluded from some group. And belonging to a crowd is one of those things - simply by being able to claim membership to one group can alienate you from another.

The trick isn't to find ways to change yourself so you blend in better (though it is a useful skill); the trick is to find the groups you naturally belong in and then do so. Changing yourself is a coping strategy. It allows you to get through an otherwise uncomfortable situation with minimum fuss. But it won't make you happy - no one is ever really happy if they're pretending to be someone they aren't.

Being single or not is another exhausting thing to obsess over. I've had several relationships, and while they can be enormously rewarding and satisfying, they are also an immense load of work. Single people tend to be more lonely, but they also have much greater freedom (since their lives need not be organized around someone else's.) Someone in an adult relationship is less likely to be lonely (but it can still happen), but they have more responsibilities and requirements on their lives. And ironically, it's far more endurable to be lonely when you're alone than it is when you're not alone. Emotions that make sense are easier to deal with. Trust me - simply having people around doesn't prevent loneliness.

There are people out there with the ability and inclination to understand and deal with Asperger's syndrome. They're the exception rather than the rule, but they do exist.


But it is not constructive coping to write diatribes about how you think it likely that we're next to be singled out for persecution, either by the government, society at large, or whatever. It is not the general opinion that we're sociopaths. To date you're the only person I've heard forward such an opinion. After they're done with the homosexuals the "religious right" is not going to be trying to get laws passed against us. Admittedly such posts are quite sensationalistic, but they are unsupported opinion. If you feel differently I would suggest supporting them with outside sources. (And incidentally, supporting requires more than "I read it on a website/magazine". You need to give specific information that will lead the reader directly to the specific source you're referencing.)


Do some people make the mistake of thinking someone with Asperger's is a sociopath? Possibly. There are a lot of unbelievably stupid people out there who don't have the first clue what sociopathy is. I've met a sociopath (dated her, actually). It's a night and day difference. It's like comparing ADHD to Multiple Personality Syndrome, only worse.

Not to mention the fact that the average sociopath can move through society completely undetected by virtually everyone they meet. They are anything but socially inept, and that's what makes them so incredibly dangerous. In fact, you could argue that most sociopaths are more socially adept than the average "normal" person is. In layman's terms, sociopathy is the pathological absence of a "conscious" - the psyche devoid of concept of right and wrong or the ability to perceive people as being the same as themselves. They view people as little more than objects to be used to their advantage and discarded. For example, a sociopathic girlfriend, unwilling to accept that you've broken up with her, would have absolutely no problem administering a potentially lethal overdose of medication to a 3 year old child she's babysitting because you live within a quarter mile of a hospital and it would get her a ride in the ambulance. There would be no remorse for the action, no guilt, nothing.

Anyway, the main points I want to make are there. Find your place and don't waste energy grieving over what you don't have. (That doesn't mean you can't have it - just that you shouldn't make yourself miserable if you don't.) And if you want to present opinions or bandy about ideas, make sure you present them thus and not like doomsaying. If you've got evidence to back you up, toss that in.

Oh, and don't worry about what a few criminally stupid people may or may not think about you. It's been a couple hundred years since we, as a race, practiced tying weirdos to stakes and set them on fire. It may not always happen quickly, but logic does tend to win out in modern law.