Can you have empathy for others but still have AS?

When Neurotypical people write books about people with aspergers, they often say that people with aspergers lack empathy. What this really means is that neurotypical people see us as not being empathetic because we don't act like them. Its a matter of how we are percieved, which might not be exactly how we are.

I can have difficulty caring about others' feelings, but not their needs. Meaning I am not a sociopath, but a terrible hardass. I do not coldly use others, but have to be careful not to tread on their emotions, even when trying to act in their best interests or on their behalf.

Everyone has empathy who has a undamaged brain. Empathy stems from the limbic system, not the neo-cortex. AS has a missing or faulty interpreter of the limbic's epxressions. http://www.psychforums.com/post553171.html#p553171 So the feeling just doesn't register. Doesn't mean you don't have them. You just don't know it. Which comes to the same effect obviously.

Many PD's and other neurological disorders have the same issue. http://www.psychforums.com/post571318.html#p571318 It is thought because of: http://www.psychforums.com/post570923.html#p570923

I guess i need to pin this one

ok-so_now_what wrote:I can have difficulty caring about others' feelings, but not their needs. Meaning I am not a sociopath, but a terrible hardass. I do not coldly use others, but have to be careful not to tread on their emotions, even when trying to act in their best interests or on their behalf.

I kind of agree, e.g. a good friends biological mom just died. He grew up at a foster family but he met his biological mom two years ago. I know that he is very sad but I can't really relate that much. I only ever lost my grandpa out of all the family members and I didn't even cry... I did for my mom because I knew she thought I should but I didn't feel the need to cry. I don't fully understand what is so horrible about it - he was old so it could be expected. And she did drugs so it could be expected. And they didn't even really know each other. It happened two weeks ago and he recently told me that he still has problems dealing with it - after I had already "forgotten" about it. I really wanna say "You can't change it, just deal with it!" but I know that that would be inappropriate. I understand the social boundaries but they seem illogical to me. I still listen to him and hug him because I know he needs that but I can't relate.

I still feel very strongly about my mom and my fiancé. It would be horrible losing them! But everyone else... it's the circle of life after all. It's rather confusing. I understand why losing people hurts other people but I don't understand why it hurts them for such a long time and why it hurts them to lose people that they weren't super close with.

As an Aspie (one who has Asperger's Syndrome), I am capable of empathy and consider myself "overly-empathetic" in some situations.

I was terrified of people for most of my life, and now I think I know why. I think most other people are filled with "toxic energy". They don't intend to be this way or even recognize it. It's just part of American culture to be negative and complain. People just aren't happy and it shows. I hate that. I didn't realize it for much of my life but now I feel something going on in me whenever I interact with a person. I "feel" these other people. I think I always did feel them and that's why going out in public was so hard for me. Maybe this is common to autists and that's why they shut down and/or avoid people. It's less painful than having to feel everyone's emotional crap.

If other aspies are reading this, please answer me this- Is there one person (or a couple of people) who always makes you feel happy? If so, is this person a happy person who doesn't complain much?

If I speak with someone who has a serious complaint I feel their pain. I think sometimes I feel more pain than they are actually feeling because I'm more sensitive to many situations. In other words, when I am "in their shoes" I have more to deal with than they (e.g social anxiety, sensory overload...). When someone begins a rant, or an explanation of a physically painful event, I find it's safer to just shut down. I will try to speed through people's complaints while trying to seem empathetic. I've been learning to point out the "bright side" (even though I am horrified by what they just told me) to try to get them to shut up. I have to get them to stop or it will ruin my whole day.

petrossa wrote:
As an analogue you can liken it to brain plasticity. If someone suffered a minor stroke the lost capabilities can with a lot of training be taken over by other parts of the brain.

Nicely said...

Part of the problem is simply not feeling empathy, even if it registers logically. I have Asperger's myself and never quite understood why, for instance, people are upset when a person dies, etc. This led me to research philosophical empathy, which I learned much about by reading the works of the science fiction writer and philosopher Philip K. Dick, and I would say that regardless of emotional comprehension, I am every bit as capable of empathy, even if I do not appear to be so.

When someone around me gets hurt, I tend to be bad at giving a hug and emotionally supporting them. Instead I usually take a really logical approach: What can I do to help you? I get someone I know is better able to emotionally support than I am, then help with other stuff as I can. Also I learned myself to help people lift heavy things or clean up or something when I am not really doing anything useful. I tend to see people having trouble with this actually earlier than most others, because I tend not to be talking or anything, and even when I am I'll look anywhere but my partners eyes.

Addition to just above:
When I can't do anything to help anymore, I tend to return to doing whatever I was doing or just leave. This usually is considered weird. Also I can totally feel bad when someone gets gurt, for example when people are watching 'Laughing about home videos' or during Krav Maga training

I have zero empathy for my alcoholic wife because in my mind she is the cause of her problems. On the other hand I empathize with people who i feel deserve a break like myself.