Aspie feedback wanted

Hello,

I'm a recent self diagnozed aspie. There is hardly a doubt about it.
I am married, 30, no kids. I love my wife, more than a lot.
We are getting through LOT of troubles due to my differences (lack of socials needs, lack of attention to my wife, etc.).

This is a very difficult period. I am really happy to have found what was my illness. But now question is about future.

I feel that i do want to assume an individual way of living. Seeing people when i want, going out only when i want, leading my life as i want. This is not like neuro typical egocentrism. This is a kind of aspie's way of life. As i suffered too much, made too much effort wich was far from worth it.

I don't know what to do. Really, i'm lost.

My question. Does a lot of us, adults aspie, are married ?

Those who are.
How do you manage your relationship ?
Is your relationship kind of "explosive" ?
Do you still can go with your hobbies ?
You make constant effort ? Are you really happy of it ?

Thos who are not.
Would you prefer to be ?
Or do you know your life is not comptabile with NT's life ?
Are you happy single ?
How do you see the future ?

Juste wondering.
Any feedback really appreciated, that may help me.

Thanks.

Hi,

I'm pretty sure that I also have AS or something similar, self-diagnosed like you. What you described is very familiar - I'm not a selfish person at all, but at the same time other people think I am very egocentric in some respects, such as not considering other people's feelings much. To be honest, until a few weeks ago I thought maybe I was just being "lazy" or people were picking on me or being overly sensitive but now I'm not so sure...

I'm not married but I am in a stable, loving relationship that has lasted nearly three years (which is probably more than most marriages these days!), so I guess I can tell you a little about that. Things were very easy to begin with, since my boyfriend and I lived in different cities and did not see each other very often. In fact, most of my relationships have been long-distance ones. But ever since we moved in together things have become more "volatile".

It is only recently that I have become fully aware of my "quirks" and the effect they have on people, and especially my boyfriend. It seems that we have had endless circular discussions about our problems, which mainly seem to be problems that I have. Things like not considering his feelings enough, disliking being touched suddenly or inappropriately when I am concentrating on something else, talking on and on about subjects that interest me (he usually falls asleep), inexplicable outbursts of emotion or apathy, not taking much notice of what is going on around me etc. I have tried time and time again to change my behaviour but I seem powerless to make any permanent changes.

For me, what has kept this relationship together is communication and trust. I trust my boyfriend with my life, and we are very open with eachother. We talk a lot about all sorts of things and are both very honest. If he gets offended by something that I have said (which happens quite a lot) he will tell me. Then I apologise and try to explain to him why I said what I said. I sometimes find it difficult to pinpoint my emotions and have to go through a complicated "psychoanalasys" to find out what the problem is, but talking my way through this out loud with my man really helps us both to understand what is going on.

In terms of hobbies I guess I am quite fortunate. Both my boyfriend and I love snowboarding, skateboarding and wakeboarding (but probably for different reasons) so we have a lot of common ground there. He has also made a tremendous effort to be interested in what I do (biophysics) and has even taken to reading NewScientist! I periodically get really into new things - my latest obsession is with fixing electronic devices - and he generally just leaves me to it.

As for going out, well you can probably guess that I would rather stay in! It's not that I dislike being around other people, but I don't feel any particular need to socialise much. So we have come to an agreement that some nights he will go out, some nights we will stay in together and some nights I will make an effort to go out with him. Occasionally I go out alone, mainly to see my good friends who are quite few and far between.

It is a constant effort, but then again I suppose any relationship is. It upsets me when my boyfriend tells me that he feels neglected and second best to other things in my life, but then I just try to make an extra special effort to give him some attention and lots of hugs and kisses. For me, the effort is definitely worth it. I feel that our personalities complement eachother very well - traits I have in excess he lacks and vice versa. He is my best friend and the man of my dreams all rolled in to one, and I would be devastated to lose him.

Anyway, hope this helps!

Geek Girl, you love skateboarding and wakeboarding, right? Well, don't stereotype yourself as a geek. Everybody has at least one "geeky" trait about them. There are some things about me that are cool and others that are downright lame. Check out the post "AS-Experience". I want to know what you think. Thanks. Trent