Aspie and School -- HELP

My 14 yo son is Aspie (as am I, most likely, though I've never been formally diagnosed). He is in 8th grade, a smart boy, having trouble in school. Not the academics, he gets high A's on every test, but he is failing because of homework and group work in-class assignments. We are meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss his transition to high school. His father wants him held back, says he earned a failing grade, he is a failure, and doesn't deserve to move ahead with his class. The school says that in high school they won't put up with his "nonsense" and he will "have to get his act together". I keep trying to explain what Asperger is and what they should and should not expect from him, but I do not seem to be getting my point across. (I know I'm a poor communicator, especially in an IEP meeting with 20 people.) My son's IQ is very high, he is very smart, but I believe his cognition is significantly lower than average. Any suggestions?

Sounds quite similar when when I was that age; I too did well on school work but anything social like group projects were horrible. I remember being in the Principals office often with my mom and teachers over such matters... Long story short, High School can be very difficult for certain individuals if not prepared properly; it took me until the 12th grade to figure out how to make it work for me. I can only suggest to be objective about the situation and do what is in his best interest. Im sure someone with far greater experience can chime in to give a better perspective...

What school is this? Most schools are frothing at the mouth to get the extra money that comes from having a student with a learning disability! This is outrageous that in this day and age your son is being treated like this. I simply wouldn't stand for it.

Be firm! You and your husband need to find common ground on how to move forward. I cannot tell you what is the correct choice for your child. Social situations will always be difficult for him. In my opinion, Aspies should always go to a different school and not be mainstreamed. Their "genius" needs to be discovered and cultivated because they will not improve their social skills by mixing with teens their own age and their gifts will be neglected in a regular high school.

We are the proverbial "nerds" or "outsiders" at best and this is because we are UNABLE to understand non-verbal communication, so mixing us in with children at this critical age will likely scar us and make it even more difficult for us to mix with others as adults (it causes phobias, fixations, and compusions to develop), becuase NT teenagers are politically minded and master manipulators with a flair for putting the little guy down and making us look and feel stupid in order to make themselves seem more superior.

Demand that your school realize that this is not "non-sense", rather he has a very real deficency that will affect him for the rest of his life and he needs support and not ridicule from his teachers. Belittle them for their small mindedness because they are treating him as though we are still in the dark ages. Your son is a beautiful, gifted, neglected person who has just as much right to be there as any other child, but he is being held down and put down at every turn because no one cares enough to learn about how to reach him. I would demand that a school counselor be assigned to learn about Aspergers Syndrome immediately and that you want intervention on his case on a regular basis, so that you can be assured he is getting the attention he deserves.

Thank you both for responding. When my children's father and I were married, yes, we were a good united front to get our son what he needed. Our son had everything he needed up until middle school, in an accepting, encouraging atmosphere. His peers have never picked on him, and still accept him. He is approached socially throughout the entire day in a non-threatening manner (and often, often flirted with, wherever we go, but he never picks up on it, just confuses him). Somewhere along the line, his father and I fell apart and are now divorced. His father has taken a stance of being constantly critical, and the school seems to believe my son should have matured in areas that don't make sense, such as writing "emotional response" papers, or cooperatively participating in non-structured group projects. The supports he had have been removed, often with not just the permission of my ex-husband, but at his request. I am worried about this meeting, but I guess there really isn't any advice anyone else can give me. Thanks again for your supportive responses. I appreciate the encouragement.

Dory wrote:My 14 yo son is Aspie (as am I, most likely, though I've never been formally diagnosed). He is in 8th grade, a smart boy, having trouble in school. Not the academics, he gets high A's on every test, but he is failing because of homework and group work in-class assignments. We are meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss his transition to high school. His father wants him held back, says he earned a failing grade, he is a failure, and doesn't deserve to move ahead with his class. The school says that in high school they won't put up with his "nonsense" and he will "have to get his act together". I keep trying to explain what Asperger is and what they should and should not expect from him, but I do not seem to be getting my point across. (I know I'm a poor communicator, especially in an IEP meeting with 20 people.) My son's IQ is very high, he is very smart, but I believe his cognition is significantly lower than average. Any suggestions?

What you need is someone that is an expert on aspergers to represent your son. I wish you and your family the best of luck for the future.

I agree, as a 31 year-old on the mild end of the spectrum myself who had a lot of personal and even academic issues growing up, the school and your ex-husband are being incredibly ignorant about it. Simply delaying him a grade isn't going to do anything- its just neglecting the problem. People with AS do not improve by "being thrown into the fire" or told to "work on things" because we simply do not know how even if we want to. I know b/c I almost failed out of school myself and lost 2 jobs b/c of this.

Also, its very clear that everyone involved is clearly on different pages- the comment "cooperatively participating in non-structured group projects" particularly struck me. I still struggle at doing non-structured work in a job setting, fortunately my current job gives a lot of structure.

I too think that your son needs to meet with a psychologist experienced in AS AND dealing with school systems ASAP. This professional will need to know up front that they will have to be in on school meetings and help come up with a plan to get your son through school. Good luck!

Dory wrote:Thank you both for responding. When my children's father and I were married, yes, we were a good united front to get our son what he needed. Our son had everything he needed up until middle school, in an accepting, encouraging atmosphere. His peers have never picked on him, and still accept him. He is approached socially throughout the entire day in a non-threatening manner (and often, often flirted with, wherever we go, but he never picks up on it, just confuses him). Somewhere along the line, his father and I fell apart and are now divorced. His father has taken a stance of being constantly critical, and the school seems to believe my son should have matured in areas that don't make sense, such as writing "emotional response" papers, or cooperatively participating in non-structured group projects. The supports he had have been removed, often with not just the permission of my ex-husband, but at his request. I am worried about this meeting, but I guess there really isn't any advice anyone else can give me. Thanks again for your supportive responses. I appreciate the encouragement.

Interesting ,I too was always oblivious when /if a woman was flirting with me .I had to learn to conciously pay attention .When I did that I was amazed at how much communication [nonverbal] that I was completely missing .