How people with AS are percieved by others

Hello again, I guess I was wondering how people with AS are percieved and or treated in general...

For example, I apparently look fairly normal though walk a bit strange and even more so when I feel people watching me; I have 'normal individuals' walk up to me smiling trying to make small talk but the minute I smile and start to talk it seems as if their expression changes and they lose interest in the conversation; almost as if they want to get as far away from me as possible. I dont know if it has anything to do with the fact I talk slow or so ive been told (in school I used to get teased a lot about it and compared to the guy for the clear eyes commercial) or maybe my eye contact is too strong? Whatever the case it is hard for me to know what I am doing wrong because I cant see myself when I am doing it. Some people tell me I am just too weird, others say I am too serious and come across cold while others say Im too happy and smile too much. Ive also been told I act gay, Im too soft and a pushover, too stubborn and onesided, etc. I mean really? How can any one person be all of that when it seems some of these attributes conflict. I would be very interested to hear your thoughts, experiences and opinions on the matter...

BTW I feel the need to mention I have not come to a definitive conclusion as to wether I have AS or not though most of the symptoms can seem to 'fit'. I dont know how accurate the unofficial tests are (the one in question is from 'rdos.net') but I scored a 143 of 200 which states the probabillity at very likely. However like everything else I will take those results under cautious advisory...

Yeah the online tests are geared to give false positives on purpose. If you score likely, it just means its a possibility that might need looking into.

As for how others percieve me, I have never known and generally don't care. I don't like being around people anyway.

JayRayTee wrote:As for how others percieve me, I have never known and generally don't care. I don't like being around people anyway.

I personally like people, the thing is I just cant be around them more than 5-6 hours without starting to get irritated. I think for the most part people are good, their problem is with conformity; my problem is I cant mold or shape myself just to fit in, well that and no one really wants to talk about airplanes, cars or technical matters; instead gossip and current events which Im not about.

Anyways, if I may ask why dont you like being around people and do not care how they perceive you?

EBR385 i think maybe you wrote about me instead of yourself LOL. with the exception of maybe one or two things you wrote is just like me. WOW!! people tell me i talk to low. they cant hear me. then i speak louder, i am yelling. why do i have to talk so loud? i offer to do something to help someone, they tell me they dont need help, then ask someone else for help. they do this repeatedly. then if i dont offer to help, i am just being lazy and dont want to do anything. if i ask someone to go out somewhere with me, they act all excited to go, then call and cancel stating "something came up. i can't go" this happens 98% of the time. then i get critizised for not taking the initiative to make friends. wonder why i am so confused all the time?? maybe i need to ask someone else if i am confused since they see the need to tell me how i feel or what i want. when i go to a mental health professional and tell them i need help with this, this, and this, i am told "no, you dont need help with this, this and this. you need help with that that and that. i dont see this, this, and this in you. of course they dont! i can hide that part of me for an hour. that is how people treat me. i used to love to be around people, but i have gotten to the point where i hate the thought of being around anyone any more. i sit at home alone now and only go out when i have to. i am tired of people messing with my mind

I avoid people like the plaque, so i'm not bothered by their perceptions. But if i did i wouldn't care very much. I am ok with myself so any problems they have are their problems.

My partner tells me i'm perceived as very gentle and how she must be happy with such a good 'husband'. This pisses her off since she has to live with me

Hmmm, how interesting... It appears as if more so than not people with AS are generally indifferent to the matter? Is it because we are desensitized by constant rejection or being unaffected by past experiences genuinely dont care? Perhaps we just live in a world of our own?

What about what a future employer might think when walking in for a job interview or someone we may like as a future significant other? I know I care because unfortunately it isnt always what you know that will get you that great job or long term relationship...

You'll have to fake it in your job. It's very stressful though and really wears you out. Long term relationships are not incompatible with AS especially after your 30's. By then most of the delay in development is done. But there you can't fake it. The other has to accept you as you are.

It's my personal opinion that people with AS may have a better chance in relationships and friendships with "non-conventional" types of people such as punks, hippies, and people who tend to just have a more open mind than other people, and ironically, people (like myself) who are just so friendly with everyone and talk to so many people that differences don't really mean a big deal.

It's also my opinion that what a lot of people consider "normal" is basically just people who are so insecure with themselves that they feel that they have to look, think, and be like others in a majority in order to feel any sense of self worth.

When I was a teenager, I often felt alone and isolated because I didn't dress "normal" or listen to the same music as other people in my peer group, didn't eat the same foods, etc. I was very social, I just didn't LIKE the clothes, music, and food, etc., that others in my group like, so I was branded "weirdo".

The message that I want to get across is that I'm really hoping you don't stress too much that you're different from other people. You could be a neurotypical person and walk into a room wearing different SHOES and people will make a big deal out of it. I'm NOT KIDDING. One thing I was bullied about as a teenager was that everyone in my school wore Nike's and I wore Reebok. So if someone has a problem with your talking at a different pace or dressing differently, it's more THEIR INSECURITY that you don't think highly enough of them to do what they do that they're bothered by rather than that you're doing things you want to. Don't be what "society" tells you is best for you. BE YOU. That's why God made you like you are. If he wanted you to be like other people, he would have made you like other people. But he made you like YOU. Don't apologize for that.

And I've always said and still believe: if people make fun of you and you conform to them to fit in, they will just find something different about you to make fun of.

Also, my mother is somewhat embarrassed when we go out together because sometimes I dress a little differently and she thinks other people will think it's weird.

I always ask her in these situations: what makes what they think so important? Who the hell are they? They're nobody just like anyone else.

Think of that.

There were so many different points brought up that I am having a little trouble figuring out how to respond (yeah, it's a first!).

First, let me say I am not indifferent about "fitting in". I try to "fit in" to the degree at which I am happy. I want to "fit in" at work and while I am out running errands and what not. I don't want to offend the checker in the store, the postal worker, the waiter taking my order, the teller at the bank. For those of you AS people who naturally "fit in" at this level, I never did, I offended everyone as soon as I opened my mouth and spoke. It finally dawned on me in my early 20's that I was percieved by others as being rude or hostile or something.

When I was dating my ex-husband in my mid 20's, he actually "coached" me on how to be percieved by others in a more normal way. We did this because I asked him to and I feel lucky that he helped me in this way even though it seems like a really weird thing to do. This coaching went on until we divorced when I was 31 (our divorce had nothing to do with my AS, he actually found my AS endearing and he says to this day that I am the only woman he has ever been able to fully trust).

I received my diagnosis when I was 34, but by then I had self-corrected most of my ideosyncracies. Mostly, I talked too loudly, used way to complex words, argued/debated too much, monopolized the conversation, made too long eye contact or no eye contact at all (depending on the person) had offensive and hostile body language (crossing my arms, pointing at people in their faces) got far too emotional while discussing anything, huffing and puffing in anger at the slightest provocation, or conversely spoke in a monotone which people also find annoying. I had various other off-putting habits. The thing is, I am a very nice and friendly person, I just didn't know that these things were wrong. I have no instinct for dealing with people and people act like this on televsion and in the movies, so I just thought it was normal.

Oh, also, Petrossa pointed out that our brains keep developing into our 30's and so many of the ideosyncracies resolve by then. I think this is true, I actually told my ex-husband and my mother this on several occasions. I could tell that I was getting better, maturing, or able to see the world with more clarity. I don't understand how this could be unless it is a normal part of the AS brain. Compared to NT brains which mature in their early 20's, I think ours continue into our 30's. The ramifications of this are really astounding.