My boyfriend has aspergerds but i can't say i agree

ok, my boyfriend apparently has aspergers and was diagnosed in yr 9 or something. i came into the relationship knowing this but not knowing much about it. i looked up some stuff on the internet and found it to be not so bad but lately i have researched it further and can safely say my boyfriend is nothing like that at all. he has NO problem communicating with me or other people, infact at school he was one of the "popular" people. he doesn't "see things different" and he doesnt have to think about acting "normal" because he already does by nature. he was depressed and i know that can come with the disorder but he is on medication and acts fine. i am scared an feel alone because i read things about it which i know and he knows isnt true but he apparently is one of those people. he sometimes but very rarely will do something strange but it is so uncommon. he has had obsessions but after meeting me doesnt care or "have to" do anything. i feel that perhaps he had it but nothing anywhere as severe as other people. infact i think it is probably very very very mild and borderline of having no mental illness at all. he doesnt even recon he has it. can someone help or is there anyone else out there like this?

Help? With what appears to be the absence of a problem?


I don't understand. You say your boyfriend was diagnosed with Asperger's but seems to function much more normally than is typical. What is it you're looking for help with?


BTW, most of us with Asperger's aren't fond of it being called a mental illness.

If he is higly intelligent, he more than likely managed to devise ways that make him pass as a neurotypical with quirks, which is what I pass for, even though I am an aspie.

Many people who know me would not believe I am an aspie.

Being an aspie is no excuse for harmful behavior.

That said, picking on someones aspie traits is cruel and is, in my opinon, no different than picking on someone's color or physical disability.

Most of what you wrote seem plausible. I did not think I saw things different for a long time, until I dissected the issue to my understanding and found out that it is not the case.
He might have been diagnosed correctly.

As for you, knowing the unattractive behavior he exhibits is not due to his lack of caring for you, or any other psychological issue, but is because he is an aspie puts you on a fork in the road.

Do you, realizing that he in fact may be a more compassionate person than you were led to believe, stay on and try to learn and be supportive...

or do you run?

I'm high functioning, much of it from learning to adapt. People will just think I'm quiet or different or quirky but I'm well liked by many NTs. My husband is a quirky NT so we just seem a pair. I also have ADD so my obsessions are harder to spot because I can't hold to one thing too long. My husband has an uncanny ability to spot Autistics and Aspergers and he says there's a LOT of us. Many don't know it's what they are and many are hiding. We're everywhere!

I think the most helpful thing to remember when reading books about Aspergers and that most authors often like to put us in strict categories is that "If you've met one Aspie, you've only met one Aspie" and that means that we are all different and at different levels of functioning and we rarely look alike.

Some Aspies are incredibly obvious and no one would EVER doubt that they are Aspergers once they're told. And other Aspies can hide their deficits very well and even accomodate for them in other ways, through logic and learning.

If your boyfriend was diagnosed as Aspergers when he was young I would just believe he fit the diagnosis then, and simply be very grateful he is very high-functioning now.