Our partner

How to stop obsessing over someone...

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby rebeckap » Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:40 pm

I have AS and my therapist told me the disorder was the reason I was so hung up on a guy I met in 9th grade (5 years ago). I usually am not attracted to people (dating wise), so when I started feeling like this guy would be the one for me, I got very attached. We are friends, which makes it harder.

I told him I liked him, and he said he didn't like me. So I thought that would be the end of things. But it wasn't. All I do is think about him (It's been over a year).

It's not like I have anybody to move on to (Because I am not attracted to people).

He also has Aspergers...

Any ideas on how to stop obsessing?
rebeckap
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:29 am
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby JP84CE1 » Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:53 pm

I've been in that boat. Still am to some extent.

I would say with time those feelings tend to fade. How much time is different for everyone, and it may never completely fade.

Keep yourself occupied, try to improve yourself and your life. People say the rest will come, but that's not a certainty. It is however all you can do.
JP84CE1
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:48 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby Nix » Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:38 pm

i'm in a similar situation.

I've coped by knowing that their happy, and that they are enjoing their life.
i still have feelings for her, but i enjoy it rather than trying to suppress it. If she's happy eough without me, then that's good enough for me.
Nix
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:49 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby chibibotto » Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:37 pm

I do the same thing, I am still somewhat obsessed over a guy I was obsessed over 13 years ago. (I think maybe the distant obsession makes it harder to put it into a closure). I still obsess over people, but I don't really want to do the whole relationship thing with them. I think maybe that freaks people out, that I just want to watch them because they're beautiful. I found someone who don't seem to be freaked out about me staring at him.

On the other note, Obsession sometimes fade, and sometimes they don't but as Nix said, knowing that the person you're obsessing over is happy and that they're enjoying their life. (and I am going to add to that: that the person is not freaked out over you obsessing over him/her I guess it makes it easier). (i know for a fact that when I had my obsession 13 years ago and the guy found out about me obsessing about him he withdrew and stopped hanging out at all those places he used to hang out, then he moved), I come across his name on the internet now and then and always wonder what he is doing with his life, but I don't enquire or make contact with him, because I am pretty sure he wouldn't like that.
chibibotto
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:39 pm
Local time: Mon Mar 18, 2024 8:26 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby 64534231 » Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:55 pm

ntac. I apparently don't have aspergers, but I feel for you.
64534231
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:04 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby steve3742 » Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:29 am

I've been in the same situation, more than once. I wasn't aware of being an Aspie at the time and so I thought everyone felt like that over unrequited love. Your therapist seems to think differently. In both cases relating to me, it did fade and get better eventually - but that eventually can take a long time and seem like eternity.

Sorry I don't have anything better to add than "Time is a great healer", but that's all I've got. I would recommend trying to cut yourself out of their life as much as you can, totally if possible. When the woman I was obsessing over moved to Japan, it was heartrending, but ultimately allowed me to stop feeling the way I did about her. It's a little hard to stop obsessing when you see the object of your obsession every day or even every week.
steve3742
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:07 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby Equinox » Tue Jan 25, 2011 2:23 am

Well I am not sure if my answer is going to help you but I would have to say that in your situation you can first and foremost be happy that you have felt something for someone an a deeper level since he obviously means something to you. In addition you also told him what you feel so now you can live the rest of your life knowing that he knows how you feel.

Also eventhough, and I know it is not easy, you got to respect his feelings afterall that is what alot of caring for other people is about even if you are friends and not together per se. Would you for example rather not having him as a friend since he does not return your feelings for example?
Equinox
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:41 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby marlynmorgan » Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:50 pm

I did that and I found a good trick.
I decided I would always do the opposite.
For example I would always read his horoscope so one day I decided to change it all and read my horoscope instead.
I ended up becoming obsessed with myself which was kinda groovy.
I also got so fed up of the thoughts in my head that one day I just supplanted every thought with a mantra. My daughter does it too. Her mantra is 'i hate antelopes' ! it can be anything.
Id also face my fears so, instead of running and hiding in the loo if i saw him talking to a girl, I would go stand near to them and turn my back on them.
Im looking at this blog because I have a new guy now and ive watched really carefully how this obsession thing starts. Its like this : I am really happy being on my own then a guy comes along, he starts telling me how to do things differently to how I do things (which is really difficult cos I know how to do my $#%^). So i get defensive and start trying to justify my self. He starts moaning about how $#%^ things are and I get into wanting to fix his stuff so he'll stop moaning ! So the thing spirals out of control until Im sat there trying to work HIM out instead of get on with my day. Its horrid. Wouldnt it be nice just to find a guy who would be happy just watching you fix engines and do experiments and put up shelves and pass the screwdriver and even screw the screw in if you asked him to.
marlynmorgan
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 5:30 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby shock_the_monkey » Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:47 pm

people like to pull other peoples' strings. it makes them feel good. it's a symptom of not having sufficient self-esteem. if they can control you, that makes their own lives feel less out of control. i just side-step all these control dramas. saying nothing, or at least nothing committal, works wonders. i can then just forget all about it when they eventually leave. i'm much too old for all this sort of non-sense.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4974
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:36 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby serpand » Thu Feb 22, 2018 12:10 am

I obsessed a lot with girls through out my life. As a child I just loved physical beauty, I would fall in love with the body and used my imagination to explore that feeling to the limit. It could last for years. Eventually personality kicked in and I obsessed with a broader range of girls. Sometimes I got hooked with more than a girl, and that was like riding the rollercoaster. As time went by I eventually calmed down and now obsession does not come so easy. Hobbies help a lot to steer the mind to a constructive purpose.
serpand
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 96
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:15 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:26 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 15 guests