Our partner

How to stop obsessing over someone...

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby TracysWeird » Thu Apr 19, 2018 12:53 am

HI, I know this reply is years late, but I just found this forum. I always had to have an obsession with someone, since the age of 12. First it was the boy who lived across the street, then my teacher, ex-boyfriend, my doctor, etc. One obsession would fade, another would begin. I HAD to have this in my life. I finally realized the purpose was to keep my mind occupied--give it something to focus on to keep me from getting very depressed.

It really has nothing to do with reality or the person you're obsessed with. You can train your mind to focus on goals and projects instead (which might actually get you somewhere, unlike obsessing on a person). It takes practice, but can be done.

Also, realize that your imagination has elevated this person to an unrealistic level, like a god. See them for the flawed, average being they really are.
TracysWeird
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:30 am
Local time: Mon Mar 18, 2024 9:31 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby DT1095 » Mon Jun 25, 2018 7:44 am

I have obsessed over my ex gf for many years. We first dated when I was 17 and for many years after that I always thought of her as the one. We got back together over twenty years later and it didn't go well. After breaking up over four years ago she is still constantly in my thoughts. I started researching mental health due to her behaviour and I'm certain she is BPD with a few other traits thrown in. This research became my obsession for a while. Only recently though I have come to realise that I have my own issues. Ive always thought of myself as a little socially awkward and possibly avoidant or co-dependant but after a friend said he had done a number of tests and there was a high possibility of Asperger's it got me thinking. I read up and did the tests and everything fits.

Knowing this has made me realise that my obsession with my ex is a lot more than just missing her (which I don't) its almost programmed into me. I need something to focus on, something that drives me and forces me to advance in life. I need that something to have a form, to be able to praise or criticise me. I think what I am looking for is a jiminy cricket of sorts. A conscience outside of me to see how well I'm doing.

So how to finally move on? I guess I need a new obsession.
DT1095
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2011 4:05 am
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 2:31 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How to stop obsessing over someone...

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:29 am

there's a scene in the film 'awakenings' where the doctor says of his catatonic patients that they borrow the will of the ball, when they reflexively catch the ball that he throws to them. that's me. i need some sort of external stimuli to engage with. without it i just stop. i'll guess it's down to that classic aspie thing of lacking imagination. but it may be more than that. my failures in life have left me paralysed. everything i think of, i can think of good reasons for not doing. i've detached myself so deeply from the world that it's become almost impossible to find a way back. and the reason for that is all the pain that i feel. i simply feel too much. and even shutting down my feelings doesn't work. so, i end up shutting down everything. and i've lost much, if not most, of my sense of personal identity along the way. now, i have to say that the view from here has enormous clarity. but i'm beginning to suspect that this isn't the way to do it. i'm beginning to suspect that having a life and not actually living it is a bit self-defeating.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4974
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:36 pm
Local time: Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:31 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Previous

Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests