Hello

Hi All,
I've been looking at this forum for a little while now, it has helped me to "self-diagnose."
Sometimes I think that its all in my head, but I'm pretty sure I have asperger's.
I am 24 years old and always felt different than other people, but I believe I've coped really well
I relate very well to the other posts I've seen, everyone always saying I'm "shy"
Not wanting to hug or touch family/friends
My family would hang out, watch TV etc, but in my teens I would sit in my room for hours (really hours and hours) reading books or completing puzzles. Didnt have a car or many friends, mostly just stayed in my bubble.
Have always been bad at making eye-contact, makes me feel like their waiting for me to do something (like an animal at the zoo?) not sure what to do with my arms and legs when talking to people. Crossing your arms supposedly means you're "closed" to the other person, but anything else feels too "loose" to me(hope you understand..) I also have to sit with my legs under/around me, again disliking the "looseness" feeling.

To be honest I dont really remember much of my childhood, tagging around my older brothers, building forts
I had the usual toys, stuffed animals, barbies etc, but I wouldn't "play" with them, I would more just set them up and then not know what to do after that.
My mom said I hated letting her dress me, and I had to pick out my own clothes and dress myself.
I taught myself how to read before kindergarten because I thought they (the school) wouldnt let me in..
My best subject has always been math, though I was also really good at spelling/language arts until we got to writing our thoughts/feelings/poetry etc. Then I sucked..
I am good with patterns, and seeing what is different in a group or paperwork, I learned and played minesweeper without using the flags (actually, I didnt know what the flags did for awhile!), good at videogames, RPGs, Strategy
I dont really enjoy hanging out with groups of people, I dont know when to contribute, either the pauses are too long or I am running over the other peoples sentences, not to mention when my inputs dont contribute in the same pattern as everyone else. Sometimes people just look at me funny and dont know how to react.
I am much better in a one-on-one conversation in person, but on the phone I have the same trouble with pauses and talking when the other person does.

Sorry so long!
-Me

Oh, ya I'm a girl by the way!

onyxflame wrote:not sure what to do with my arms and legs when talking to people. Crossing your arms supposedly means you're "closed" to the other person, but anything else feels too "loose" to me(hope you understand..) I also have to sit with my legs under/around me, again disliking the "looseness" feeling.

Sorry so long!
-Me

Oh, ya I'm a girl by the way!

Hi Onyx, you descriptions sound very much like Aspergers. I can totally relate to you regarding the closed arms and the "defensive" connotations it portrays in body language. I agree, I also don't like being "loose", it feels wrong and uncomfortable, I guess the reason we are defensive is partly to do with your zoo animal analogy, because we are unsure about what people are going to do, they are waiting for us to show "normal" (no such thing BTW), social reactions in interaction. We are defensive because we are trying to defend ourselves from the confusing world we occupy, yet are so fascinated by at the same time.

I do not like maths that much, the only maths I am interested in is statistics in relation to methodology and science. What sort of maths do you like? do you have other special interests? Mine focus around the human sciences (Sociology, philosophy, politics, economics etc), with occasional research into the hard sciences like physics. I like to pursue these on my own and do a lot of independent research into them. I think I know more than all of my classmates at uni combined sometimes the amount of things I have read this year!

I hope you find some enjoyment from posting here and meet some good people, you seem as though your a very caring, considered and pleasant person, I hope to hear from you in the future!

Hi Phoenix,
Well, I guess that maths isnt one of my "big" interests, but it has always been easy for me, as the answers do not change and are less subjective like some of the other subjects. I've taken a few psychology classes, they mostly went over how people in general think, like the tricks your mind can play on you. They were classes to apply to your everyday life and really enjoyed learning about how the brain works (not physically, but thinking methods).

For the past few years I had been obsessed with the workings of buying a house. I would read anything I could up to checking websites, sales prices, trends, any new ones coming on to market, foreclosure statistics, short sale process, etc many times each day. Even when the numbers hadn't changed very much day to day, I still had that obsession to check and know it was still the same.. Earlier this year we actually bought one, and I think because of my "interest" and knowledge we got a really good deal.

But now that I have the house, I have been obsessing over other things. I really want a dog and will look at pet sites multiple times per day now.. even though I dont think right now is the right time.. silly me!

Ugh, and the past few days, I have been obsessing over conspiracy theories! I almost hope this one wont last very long, cause it is making me feel so depressed and helpless, but so interesting! But it is making me more aware of politics, economics, and history which I never had much interest in before. I really enjoy learning about them though!

If you like, tell me more about your self, I would be interested to hear!

onyxflame wrote:Hi Phoenix,

For the past few years I had been obsessed with the workings of buying a house. I would read anything I could up to checking websites, sales prices, trends, any new ones coming on to market, foreclosure statistics, short sale process, etc many times each day. Even when the numbers hadn't changed very much day to day, I still had that obsession to check and know it was still the same.. Earlier this year we actually bought one, and I think because of my "interest" and knowledge we got a really good deal.

Ugh, and the past few days, I have been obsessing over conspiracy theories! I almost hope this one wont last very long, cause it is making me feel so depressed and helpless, but so interesting! But it is making me more aware of politics, economics, and history which I never had much interest in before. I really enjoy learning about them though!

If you like, tell me more about your self, I would be interested to hear!

Wow, the process of buying a house is probably the MOST original interest I have EVER heard for an "Aspie"! You sound as though you have a very cheery personality, that's quite rare in people with Aspergers I seem to have found. The only conspiracy thoeries I know of are the Illuminati and Princess Diana's death conspiracy. Don't feel depressed about it, use the same principle as you did with the house, use your knowledge to change your life in silly little ways, the fact you are learning about the politics and economy means you have the capacity to advance your understanding of society.

As for what I am like, I am very reserved and shy, I am told I have a good sense of humour and everyone I meet says I am one of the nicest people they have met. Many people have also said that I am quite intelligent. My obession for the past year or so has been to relate all of the components of my life to sociological/philosphical theory (My favourite subjects, it's immensely helpful for studying at uni, as I am doing an undergrad sociology BA. As all the ideas are on a kind of "quick short-cut", in my brain for easy access as I use them so often!). I like theory more than anything and am slowly starting to understand how I work and why I feel certain emotions and feelings the way I do. I also am quite open to new ideas, I am very reflective of my ideas, actions and life in general and like to think deeply about many issues.

Some of my latest obessions outside the main one, is looking up quantum theory and this forum I have been suffering with depression and anxiety for the past year or so, but with CBT and anti-depressants, I am starting to feel better again... I don't know what else to say about me really, I find it hard to describe personalities and physical appearances. I also like video games too, my favourites are more simple games like platformers and action adventure.

Ya, the conspiracy theory I am currently looking into is probably the same Illuminati as you know, though there are many differences in details when looking from one source to another. Some talk just about the economics portion, as they are controlling the world, others go as far to say that humans are half-bred reptilian alien slaves! I figure that if I read enough I may get a better understanding of what is realistic and what is just too far out there. Currently reading the book "Human Race Get Off Your Knees, The Lion Sleeps No More" by David Icke. It poses some interesting questions, but also just hurls tons of facts at you until your brain is spinning.

When I took my psychology classes, I would compare the ideas to myself and my trains of thought also. It really helped to add "rules" or guidelines to how the thought processes go, and also really helped me to understand other people. So when I am in a social situation where I am not quite on the same page as the other person, I kind of "start from the beginning" and build up rational ways they might be feeling. Its like well, this happened, so maybe their feeling this way, and also in general people have a "good" view on themselves as opposed to others

(I believe in each person's mind they can rationalize and give reasons for the negative things they may do, but from another's perspective the final act is what really matters. So a person will usually think of themself as good as they know the purpose driving the action, and someone else who acts differently as "bad/different/scary" because they cannot see the purpose driving the other persons actions) Ugh, I hope that made sense. So essentially I try to give everyone a break, and not to make assumptions on people, theories, spiritual things, even gravity and aliens. I've been doing this since before I even thought I had aspergers though.

I'm sorry that you have had depression. I had it for years when I was younger, but not like I wanted to kill myself or anything, more of a general "numbness" to any kinds of feelings. Not even sad, but not happy, excited, or anything else either. Thankfully I am better for now.

I know what you mean about describing personalities and physical appearances, I cant do that either. I was thinking of the way to describe it. I'll dream about the normal adventuresome things, talking with people, other stuff, etc. After I wake up from dreaming though, I'll try and think "well what did they look like?" and the answer is they didnt have a face/body/clothes to focus on, they were just "there"... I dont really see appearances as much, I mean I do notice but its more secondary information that I dont keep track of. I'm also bad with distances. Someone will say "100 yards away" and I have no idea how far that is in actual physical form..

@ onyxflame:

"I had the usual toys, stuffed animals, barbies etc, but I wouldn't "play" with them, I would more just set them up and then not know what to do after that."

Ditto! I've always been the same way. Don't get me wrong, I loved collecting toys, and still do, but I would only get about that far as well. If they look cool, that's pretty much all I need!

I'm a girl, too hehe

onyxflame wrote:When I took my psychology classes, I would compare the ideas to myself and my trains of thought also. It really helped to add "rules" or guidelines to how the thought processes go, and also really helped me to understand other people. So when I am in a social situation where I am not quite on the same page as the other person, I kind of "start from the beginning" and build up rational ways they might be feeling. Its like well, this happened, so maybe their feeling this way, and also in general people have a "good" view on themselves as opposed to others

(I believe in each person's mind they can rationalize and give reasons for the negative things they may do, but from another's perspective the final act is what really matters. So a person will usually think of themself as good as they know the purpose driving the action, and someone else who acts differently as "bad/different/scary" because they cannot see the purpose driving the other persons actions) Ugh, I hope that made sense. So essentially I try to give everyone a break, and not to make assumptions on people, theories, spiritual things, even gravity and aliens. I've been doing this since before I even thought I had aspergers though.

We really are quite similar in many aspects. I know what you are saying in you theory and I agree with it, people do not think much about motives, rather the final act. That's why so many people ask when some emotional or distressing event occurs, "why did you do this?" We focus on the acts, western societies like America and England are very reactionary, we do not do something about things unless it causes us detriment. Hence, NO ONE would have thought to place "anti terror" equipment in all major airports until 9/11 occurred. We knew of the the situation of the small extremist group who carried out the attack (they had announced their new ideology in 1992 I think!). If it had been suggested without this context, people would have said "oh its not worth it, it costs too much".

Thus, I do not feel too personally offended anymore of people are angry at me for some reason. I think that they might have had a bad day and are not specifically angry at me. They might be embarrassed because of certain social process for example and not know how to deal with them

Hello onyxflame and phoenixknight,

I'm interested in conspiracy thoeries too, less than I was a few years ago though.
I've got a few David Icke books, my favourite is 'Infinite Love' because he hardly mentions the reptilans. I like his ideas on holograms, it reminded me of 'The Holographic Universe' by Micheal Talbot. Our Reality is a hologram, a faint imprint of the Truth... It's like Plato's cave.
I like to tie science fiction (say of Philip K. Dick) to these conspiracy theories and wonder whether what the fiction writers have written about what is actually happening... for example time travel.
Philosophy is another of my interests... I like existentialism, and want to write about the link between Buddhism and Existentialism in my dissertation next year for my counselling degree.

I used to get depressed about the conspiracy theories too. I used to think aliens were laughing at us... but I think that was part of the illness because it really got me down, silly as it sounds to me now.

Nitty wrote:Hello onyxflame and phoenixknight,

I like his ideas on holograms, it reminded me of 'The Holographic Universe' by Micheal Talbot. Our Reality is a hologram, a faint imprint of the Truth... It's like Plato's cave. Philosophy is another of my interests... I like existentialism, and want to write about the link between Buddhism and Existentialism in my dissertation next year for my counselling degree.

I used to get depressed about the conspiracy theories too. I used to think aliens were laughing at us... but I think that was part of the illness because it really got me down, silly as it sounds to me now.

Depression can do weird things to your thoughts, mine was to obsess over mental and physical health to the point where I would create "meta-symptoms" for any condition I heard about which falsely confirmed to myself that I was developing the condition!

The hologram metaphor suggests a realist approach to me, that reality is independent of our thoughts. I have been hugely persuaded by cultural theory and perspectivism in my thinking, in that everything is socially constructed and without human beings, EVERY concept we have created and implemented would cease to exist. Thus, I like existentialism to a degree, because it shows how life is essentially meaningless as meaning is arbitrary, we MAKE our own meanings on life and this is shaped by subjective, "Habitus objective" (Bourdieu), social structures and individual actions and interactions.

I can see on a basic level how reincarnation could be linked to existentialism and how the meaning created in this particular life will affect the meaning of your reincarnated form. I really want to do a dissertation in sociology that combines several facets of social theory into a coherent argument which could then be debated upon and then edited based on intellectual progression and discussion.

This is gonna sound weird, but I really want to be a uni researcher in sociology and I LOVE thinking of research projects and connecting theories and concepts to ideas to create an argument. I get great pleasure in linking the flowing nature of social theory to create an explanation of things.