Hello everyone

Hello everyone, my name is Mark and im 18 years old. An undiagnosed asperger victim, and i find life increasingly difficult to cope with...

As a child you could say i was like many other, very socialable, funny, with heaps and heaps of confidence. I was a silly kid, very mischievous, and the teachers found me unteachable, one teacher said i was the most unteachable child she had ever met, but i wasnt violent, i hated and do still hate violence. I had many a confrontation with other kids with some who bullied me, and wanted to fight me, but i would always say im not a fighter. I knew from very early on that i was a little different, with completely difference hobbies and interests than my peers. For example, people would want to play football at break time, i would play fire engines lol im so ashamed to admit. I had a strange interest in trains, horns and sirens... lol

As a grew older i noticed that iwas becoming withdrawn, and increasingly quiet. This wasnt the way people always knew me. It was a slippery slope down mentally through out my teen years until today, in which i dont go out at all, with no freinds, because i found it to difficult to mix. I joined a college, did IT, and coincidently met a freind from my early days of high school, he knew me as the popular kid, who loved a laugh. So quite naturally he shouted out my name in excitment, and told his college buddies to F-off, because i was there. He soon found that iwas nothing like he remebered, but he never mentioned it, he just slowely became distant, and had the horrible look of concern on his face when i struggled to communicate with him, with an expressionless face, and monotone voice. I struggled greatly at college, people did take advantage of my passiveness, kindess, and shyness. I lost tons of weight, i couldnt eat, my hair was as dry as haye, and my skin equally dry. I looked ill, on a daily basis, constantly pale.

Life continues to become harder still... non understanding parents, although i cant be sure of this because my mother suffers from mental illness, and my dad was very shy as a kid. But i knoe i have aspergers, i dont think they know what it is... I was forced by them to go the job centre this week! this is going to be a fun ride!

My story could indeed continue, i missed a lot, but i dont want to bore you further!

Just another aspie, sharing his story! You're not alone my fellow aspies!

I'll make a regular appearance in here! Im glad i found this place! and be all means, let me know if your story shares any simularities with mine!

Mr Jenkins

Hi Mr Jenkins/Mark. I am 19 and coming onto 20. don't be ashamed about playing with trains at school, I played with toy cars as a kid and used to study the wheels to watch how they turned and work out how they worked! The train interest is another classic aspergian interest.

I can relate to you when it comes from growing from a child to an adult. I did not care much about others when I was younger and was happy in myself as I thought I knew all I needed to know about my emotions an happy doing my own thing. I knew I was different, but I did not have the capacity to really question why I was different. I was bullied a little bit throughout school, but I just put up with it. Becoming an adult however is much more difficult, I feel the difference between me and my peers and I feel that I don't properly fit in. I have started to develop more intense emotions and more complex connections between them and my rational asperger brain. I have had anxiety and depression for about a year because of this and it made things worse in my mind. I have recently been taking CBT and antidepressants and over the last few weeks, I can feel my mood and outlook on life improving. I am learning to accept the fact that I AM different and want to be so and proud of of it!

What special interests do you have today? did you keep your childhood interests and have you made new ones since? My main one is the social sciences (sociology, philosophy and all the humanities) with side interests in the natural sciences. Hope you like posting here, I joined a few days ago and love talking about interests with others who think just like me.

phoenixknight wrote:Hi Mr Jenkins/Mark. I am 19 and coming onto 20. don't be ashamed about playing with trains at school, I played with toy cars as a kid and used to study the wheels to watch how they turned and work out how they worked! The train interest is another classic aspergian interest.

I can relate to you when it comes from growing from a child to an adult. I did not care much about others when I was younger and was happy in myself as I thought I knew all I needed to know about my emotions an happy doing my own thing. I knew I was different, but I did not have the capacity to really question why I was different. I was bullied a little bit throughout school, but I just put up with it. Becoming an adult however is much more difficult, I feel the difference between me and my peers and I feel that I don't properly fit in. I have started to develop more intense emotions and more complex connections between them and my rational asperger brain. I have had anxiety and depression for about a year because of this and it made things worse in my mind. I have recently been taking CBT and antidepressants and over the last few weeks, I can feel my mood and outlook on life improving. I am learning to accept the fact that I AM different and want to be so and proud of of it!

What special interests do you have today? did you keep your childhood interests and have you made new ones since? My main one is the social sciences (sociology, philosophy and all the humanities) with side interests in the natural sciences. Hope you like posting here, I joined a few days ago and love talking about interests with others who think just like me.

Hi phoenixknight! First of all thank you very much for reading my post, and contributing to this thread! Your experiances do seem just like mine... Im very glad that you're beginning to see light at the end of this dark aspergers tunnel! Im seriously considering taking meds too, although my parents are dead against it The only times i feel relaxed and happy these days is when I have a drink. It makes feel good, and sometimes i catch my self smiling at people when i walk past someone because im just generally happy at that time, and they smile back. instead of the unintended ignorance i usually have, with me just not even acknowledging their existance. I really dont mean to be so rude. Sometimes ive walked past old freinds and not even noticed them...
I do indeed have an interest in science, mainly biology, and astronomy, ive now become obessed with space! lol It just seems so beutifal and peacful. With biology, I have keen interest with how we work. I love watching documentries about humans and thier extreme physical abnormalities, such as extreme height, strength and weight etc

Im interested now to know what causes aspergers, and through some research ive found that it can be caused by a bad reaction to the injections we had when we were little, and also consuming the toxic metal mecury which can be found in tuna, and even can be emmited by light bulbs. I really hope there is a cure for us, and then we can intergrate with everyone else, without any problems, and have normal, and exciting future like everyone else!