My Aspie bf seems obsessed with sex. Help!

My boy friend who I have been dating for almost a year seems to want to have sex all the time. He has a mild form of Aspergers syndrome he says and I have tried to talk to him more about how serious it is with him. He does not ignore me but he will not say if it affects him alot. He is quiet and seems very "normal" in comparison to lots of people i have met. He does obsess over work and he talks alot about how his friends and him used to do the same things each week (for example maybe they always each chicken on mondays and they repeat it every week.) I know this behavior is routine and that is normal for someone who is an Aspie. I can say how much i love him and talk about our fights but he says "i have no comment" and "There was a problem, now its done...there is nothing to talk about so I am over it" when we fight.

My question is about how my boy friend wants to have sex alot. It is starting to get very annoying and i am not sure if it is his Aspergers that makes him obsessed with it or if he has a high sex drive. It is possible it could be a combination, but what I am really concerned about is that he says his way of acting out his love is when we have sex. He says that that is how he acts out his love and its one of the only way he knows so that is why he wants to do it (sex) all the time. This doesnt make me feel good and I am looking for help is understand if this is his Aspergers maybe or if he is just sex obsessed and shallow. He says he would never cheat and i believe that but I feel like his Aspergers makes him look at me like a sexual object that he "loves" because he is obsessed with having sex with me. I sometimes feel that he does not really know what love is. Please Help me understand!

Hi,

Does he have a mild form of Autism or a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome? For the recrd, a mild form of Autism = Asperger's Syndrome.

I think that this issue should be looked at as a relationshp issue and not anything to do with Asperger's. I have never come across anyone to claim there is a connection between sexual behaviour and Asperger's Syndrome. So, as with any issue in a relationship, you must talk to yout partner about it. Currently, you are living with this problem in silence. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't know that you are not comfortable having sex so much. Therefore, you must inform him as such. Arrange to have a meeting with him at a certain time to discuss this issue. If he has Asperger's, then he will probably be very attentive to your feelings and will respect your wishes.

Kevin

your b/f is obsessed with sex...whose isn't? I guess it does depends on what you mean by "obsessed"? Apologies if I'm being too clinical, but what are we talking here? 5 times a day? Once a week? It could just be cos you have boobs and he has an X chromosome.

On the other-hand, maybe the explanation he gave you is true? If this is how he shows his feeling you might need to ask him to find other ways. Such as shoes and handbags

UK-SW wrote::lol: your b/f is obsessed with sex...whose isn't? I guess it does depends on what you mean by "obsessed"? Apologies if I'm being too clinical, but what are we talking here? 5 times a day? Once a week? It could just be cos you have boobs and he has an X chromosome.

On the other-hand, maybe the explanation he gave you is true? If this is how he shows his feeling you might need to ask him to find other ways. Such as shoes and handbags

Forgive me but i'm a geneticist and it's an XY chromosome(s) that he has, while females have XX. You're right to wonder about how often they do it though. I hadn't thought of that because I've only done it once in my life and don't care for sex.

D'oh, yeah I meant Y chromosome

edit: though technically I was still right

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Atwood pages 308-309 wrote:Sexuality can become a special interest in terms of acquiring information and an interest in sexual diversity and activities. The desire for sexual activities and sexual intimacy can be excessive, almost compulsive. However, the partner of a man or woman with Asperger's Syndrome is more likely to be concerned about the lack of sexual desire rather than an excess.

bablp wrote:
He has a mild form of Aspergers syndrome he says (only me heard the warning bells there then -must be a girl thing )

and he talks alot about how his friends and him used to do the same things each week (and another)

Just me then thinks that he may not have AS but using it as a excuse for loads of sex?

Any AS dx lads on here want to confess to doing the same thing...

i wouldn't rule out this being an addiction. but i'm not prepared to judge either way. there's not enough to go on here. the only thing that's obvious is that it's putting a strain on the relationship and needs to be resolved. whether that's through talking about it privately or possibly using some form of counselling isn't for me to say either.

UK-SW wrote:D'oh, yeah I meant Y chromosome

edit: though technically I was still right

Around 20 minutes after my brief moment of bravado/arrogance (a few posts above), I suddently realised that indeed you were correct in what you said anyway!

Kit wrote:Just me then thinks that he may not have AS but using it as a excuse for loads of sex?

Any AS dx lads on here want to confess to doing the same thing...

It'd be quite an elaborate plot to use to get sex. I think you'd be more likely to just pretend that you are more interested in her feelings rather than her body - i.e. to ultimately get sex in the long term. Then again, it seems that being up-front about wanting sex is acceptable to many these days too.

Interesting, I have an Aspie boyfriend that is the opposite. I agree with other posters, I don't think it has to do with Aspergers and has more to do with him being a really hormonal guy.