Legal Responsibilities for mother of a 24 yr old w/ asperger

Hello all,

My mother is currently taking care of her 24 year old son with asperger's (along with other disorders...he's low functioning and could never get a job). I just moved back from college, and it seems that things are worse. My brother verbally harrasses my mother all day long, threatens her, and has punched her in the past. She is on the fast-track list to getting him into a group home through NJ's department of development disability; however, she learned two years ago that still means that she will have to wait until she's well into her late 60's or 70's for the government to take him (she's now in her late 50's). Unfortunately, she has health problems, which are only getting worse because my brother has caused a few stress-related ones in addition to her other problems. My mother needs to give up her son but has no idea what to do. He goes to a social skills program once per week that is organized through NJ DDD. I've told her to not accept him back in the house. Things have gotten to the point where drastic action is needed, but I'm 1) not sure of her legal responsibilities 2) what would happen to him (we don't want anything bad to happen to him), if we kicked him out and 3) what are available options.

Heya,

Irrespective of his Asperger's syndrome, what he's doing to your mother here is abusing her, and that's simply against the law. I don't know what your exact options are, but there must be something that can be done. Abuse is abuse, and it mustn't be tolerated. What I would do is telephone your local doctor to see what he/she says. perhaps there is a psychiatric hospital that he can attend. However, I would also contact the police to see what they say about it. The options available to you will depend on where exactly you live, but also on the laws of the country that you live in.

Kevin

To update this post quickly, I called DDD's guardianship division and spoke to someone. He told me that my mother is not legally obligated to take care of my brother unless she went to court to become his legal guardian after he became 18. It turns out that my brother's case manager from a few years back (he has a new one now) had pushed her to do this but that she's currently on a waiting list to have this done (because it would cost $3,000). Evidently, her case manager at the time had pushed her into doing it (but she was told by the case manager that she would not be legally responsible for; the guy at the guardianship division told me quite the opposite. I hate the deceptiveness of the case managers through DDD. They evidently want to screw you over so that you will have to die before the state takes over responsibility). My mother now plans to terminate her request for guardianship. Has anyone on this board, perhaps a parent, had any similar experience?

One of the problems is that my brother has OCD, severe paranoia, high functioning pervasive developmental disorder, and low functioning aspergers. The case managers would tell my mother that he could go to a group home sometime in the future. I've come to the conclusion that this is not a possiblity, since he is very violent. I don't think he would last in the group. I think everyone around him would want him out. I guess a mental institution is in his future...or is there anything else that exists in the US, specifically NJ?

That's horrible what he is doing.

I held off replying again because i wanted to see if anyone else had info for you. However, it seems that nobody has any concrete info to give. In light of this, I recommend that you contact the case manager or whomever you have already been in contact with for advice (and/or contact your department of health regarding institutions in your area). I assume that things are different depending on which state you are in. I do believe that you are correct, however, when you say that his 'future' is in an institution, but it doesn't have to be permanent.

Ultimately, something HAS TO change from the way things are now. it simply cannot continue like this. I am saying this because I believe you should prepare yourself for what could be a draining experience, but it will all come to an end if you put your head down and speak to the right people.


Kevin