Am I Autistic?

Hello, I am school teacher (I have schizophrenia and PTSD). I also tutor children with autism after school. I have been researching a lot about Autism as well as Asperger's, but was only interacting with boys for awhile. Now I have girls too. And I'm researching more and more on how it often plays out differently. I feel very much like these girls. For instance, I read excessively to learn how to behave. It imitate books to mask myself and try to act normal, but it often doesn't work. I'm awkward in social situations (except around children) and often say the wrong thing. I try to put on different roles for different people. It's hard for me to know when someone is teasing, venting, or even asking me to understand them, and I have been called hysterical for this. My emotions explode with utter joy or great despair (nothing level). I find myself getting depressed when I can't relate to people. If I make a mistake, I go nuts! I feel great empathy for people, but almost always express it the wrong way (I just don't know how without someone telling me). I obsess over interests and certain relationships. Does this relate to Asperger's in women? I'm going to talk to my doctor about it. We've been so focused on the schizophrenia inside me that maybe we missed something else that is vital. Still if anyone can respond with advice or their own experience, I'd be very grateful. Thank you so, so much.

Hi Coraline

I don't have a formal diagnosis, but several professionals involved in my care agree between themselves just in the past few years that I am "on the spectrum" and probably have Aspergers- I was about 34 when it was first raised. I relate to a lot of the things you mention in your post. For years we've been on the hunt for the cause of chronic depression and anxiety, which would seem to be the Aspergers- the depression and anxiety are there because I'm constantly struggling with everyday situations and interactions. For years doctors and therapists were so hell bent on trying to treat the depression and anxiety alone- things that did work only seemed to be a band-aid solution and help temporarily.

When it was first brought up, I wrote out a list of things which I questioned whether they were autism things, like the things you mentioned. I took it to my therapist at the time and asked if these were autism related- almost every single item on that list I'd made was. It's been helpful to understand that those things are autism-related, and I could now go "ok, so that is why I have trouble understanding x", rather than just beating myself up because other people manage to be perfectly capable of those things. I've also learned I need to allow myself quiet time after a lot of dealing with people- it allows me time to tune out to everything else and calm and reset. If I don't, I just get more and more overwhelmed. Sometimes I just need a little bit of time out, sometimes I'll need a day to myself to slow things down if it was really intense. Sometimes it's not even a conscious choice to have a quiet day at home- it just comes out as "I don't feel like going anywhere today".

I think asking your doctor about it is a good plan.