Autistic husband

So we have almost 4 year old twins. One has officially been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. My husband has autism too. He received his diagnosis a little over a year ago. He works full time as a software developer at 2 hours commute a day. So he's barely at home and hasn't had much chance to learn how to deal with our cannonball son (dad and son are total opposites) and the general noise and chaos of young twins. Of course when he gets home he's exhausted as well but weekends usually aren't better.
So I really love my husband and we've been together for over 14 years and got through so much. I just really need him to have a better relationship with our children. To tolerate more of them. And most preferably to even think about their behavior and use creative parenting skills to bend situations before he becomes overwhelmed. I know I'm asking a lot and I don't know if he'll ever be able to do it. I mean it already is a lot for any man, autistic or not to deal with everything revolving our son. But given my husband and son's specific limitations and characteristics it seems to make it infinitely more difficult for him, and in the long run for my son too.
It's just sad that they're not having a real good bond and that my husband feels moody, sad and incapable about his parenting most of the time. It's gotten to the point where he almost walked out for good because he just can't handle it, even though I know that that is really not what he wants.
Anyone have any ideas about what to do to improve this situation?

you need to look at the positives: you have a husband that has a job, you have children, you basically have a stable family life. pushing him to address the issues he has might well undermine that stability. i can well imagine that he's stressed enough as it is. i know this isn't very helpful but please be careful not to make your situation worse. it may be that in time things will improve. autism is far better understood now than it was in the past. my advice is simply to try to hang in there.

No we do not have any babysitters.
The thing I guess I want most is for him to be happier and able to enjoy our little monsters. And that he understands our son better.
I already do everything revolving the children and I do often take them away from dad during weekends for his rest. They go to bed at 6.30 so we have all evening every day. I don't know what else I can do. My son attends medical daycare for autism 4 full days a week and my daughter will go to elementary school when she turns 4. We are supposed to have help from son's daycare but we had to switch caregiver because the old one had sudden personal issues and the new one is taking a while to start, with summer holiday and all.