How to be friends with someone?

I am sorry because this got so long. I had an urge to talk I guess... It's fine if nobody reads this or says anything. I don't often get the feeling of relief after opening up but now I do.

So, I have AS and a lot of problems with my so called social life. What a surprise, right? I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I am now 30 years old and this is just getting worse. Not that I actually mind it but I can see where this is going. I can't isolate myself from others if I want to be a functional part of this society. And I don't want to be totally isolated.

I have one friend that's also my sister and almost nobody else. It would be nice to have few more friends for some reason I don't understand much. I don't feel lonely. I like doing everything alone if I can. But I was also in a relationship for 5 years and sometimes I think it was nicer than being on my own like this. I had somebody to talk about stupid things and invent stupid inside jokes. She was also into science and had crazy ideas so we had stuff like that to do. I got new ideas and thoughts that I would never had alone. People can be inspirational. I like that. They give me new thoughts.

I am not shy. It's actually easy for me to talk to people because I don't really care in a bad way what they think about me. People almost always like me and want to hang around with me. And lonely people are everywhere. Often I feel like I want it too. We then switch phone numbers.

But then I get home and have no idea what I would like to do with them. What do people even like? I have always been alone and done things alone. I like talking and listening but people generally want to actually do something else after awhile and I find almost everything else boring or like a chore. Look, I am nerdy but I can't deal with board games! I just don't know what to and I disappear. It's #######5 but I can't help it.

Few years ago I tried to date people. I have a lot of issues but I have never had problems with finding girls who are genuinely good people and are willing to try dating me although I tell them everything that's wrong with me and my life. But I always fail and retreat because I don't know anything anymore. These girls don't deserve it. I know they blame themselves. I never really miss anybody but I don't want people to feel bad either. You know, when I was 13 my family left me and our cat alone in the middle of a big forest in nowhere and went to another country for weeks (for the first time). My only connection to outside world was a radio that worked because we got some electricity from the sun. And I had to tinker with a lot of things just to listen to the radio and I had to work for warmth, water and hygiene too. I was just fine and didn't miss anybody or anything. It was just peaceful. I enjoyed my life in there. I managed just fine. I think it was worse for our cat because she missed everybody. I felt bad when my family came back because I liked being alone. They knew it was a great holiday for me and they knew I could do it. I have always been like that.

If I try to think what I would actually like doing with people it gets like this...I enjoy being in nature and gathering edible and usable things, teaching people things I know and learning new stuff, doing weird experiments, crafts (yes, I knit and do stuff like that and it's fun to do something like that with someone and be like chatty and crafty old ladies but I haven't found anybody who likes doing that) burning stuff, (when me and my dad get together we always burn something if there is nothing to fix because he has the same issue) fixing things and picnics but only if we are in the wilderness and I get to use my survivor stuff. I also like hiking and backpacking but every time I take someone with me it just isn't enjoyable anymore. It can also get dangerous if someone claims they can do stuff they can't and people do that more often than I like to think. It's fine if you don't know stuff. I can help. But I have experiences I wish I wouldn't have just because I trusted someone and let them do stuff. If I go alone it goes better. I play video games with my sister but I can't do that with anyone else. It's just not fun.

I study Bible with one relative although I am not even religious. I just like knowing about it and she likes trying to get me in her religion. She is very intelligent and knows her Bible. I find her way of thinking very fascinating in many ways. She really is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met and a fundamentalist Christian (I wish she could realize how talented she is. Her poor self esteem is almost a crime). I wish I had more people like that in my life actually.

It's a serious problem. I almost never look forward to meeting people because I know they just don't like doing stuff I like and vice versa. I might like them very much but I don't know what we could do. I can spend weeks alone and never feel lonely but I don't want that life.

having friends isn't an end in itself. what's important is having the right friends. and they can be few and far between. in my experience, looking for friends and, in particular, trying too hard never ends well. you will meet people in life, and some may become good friends but it's not something that can be contrived. as a general rule of thumb, a friend is someone who has time for you and is supportive, and vice versa. that's pretty much it. it's the people that aren't friends that you need to be wary of, in particular those that are only pretending to be friends. and that's why it's best not to be too desperate, as there are always those that will take advantage of you if you let them.

It sounds like you are happy and do enjoy being alone and doing things alone most of the time. But to be friends with someone you want to find something in common and use that as your "in". Remember too that real friendships develop over time. There's plenty of things to do with people besides play board games -- you can go to a movie, concerts, take a walk (doesn't have to be a hike - it can be in the neighborhood!), go window shopping, watch tv, all kinds of things. Find out what the person likes to do and give it a try with them next time they do that - you never know, not only might you find a new friend but you also might find a new activity that you really like!!