Hi,
I am the parent of a NT girl who is 12 years old. She has been friends with a boy (through a extra curricular sport) who is turning 13 this year. This boy has been relentlessly bullied at the school he attends, really brutally as he learning difficulties and AS. The kids at school are awful. My daughter does not go to this school and has treated him as he should have been, with respect. They have got on really well.
Halfway through last year - it kind of started looking like he was seeking her out. Then after this his parents started initiating play dates. We were completely fine with this because we knew he had this awful time at school and it was good that he enjoyed spending time with someone and playing considering the bullying.
Nearing the end of the year I suddenly noticed him giving my daughter these "in love" eyes, when he looked at her from time to time. I ended up freaking out at first as we were not going to allow our daughter to date until she was much older. I decided to email the boy's parents and it turned out that he did think of her more than friends. I am extremely close with my daughter and we talk about everything & so eventually I decided to share with her that he may think of her more than friends and what did she think and what had she noticed.
Eventually he asked her if she liked him and she said she did and then they went into "special friends" status. Their relationship is extremely beautiful and sweet. I gather he wears his heart on his sleeve as he has said the most romantic things to her and declares his feelings so truthfully.
The love playing together and then they also have time alone together - we can always sort of see them. They have started holding hands and he is a very "cuddly" boy. He is like this with his family and he has started to hold my daughter in the pool (arms around her), put his arm around her. hold hands etc. His family and our family are very supportive of the relationship. When my daughter goes around his family are there and she spends time with his family and normally his sister and him play with my daughter and then they, in the company of his sister, he will hug her from behind or hold her hand. He is also comfortable around me showing her some affection.
We recently spoke to my daughter about setting clear boundaries with him, so that the relationship physically doesn't head too fast. Plus we are quite conservative as well. This relationship has really pushed us, but we have been supportive because this is a very unique and special circumstance. My daughter wrote the boy a note and explained how she was fine with hugging and holding hands, but that was all she is ready for at this stage. She bravely gave him the letter & he read it & said that he liked the letter, that the boundaries were a good idea and he would try and remember.
He is completely in love with my daughter, he is good mannered, polite and looks after her. He gives her flowers from the garden, helps her if she gets hurt etc.
The last time they spent time together he was getting cuddly with her. While he was holding her in the water it looked like he went in to give my daughter a kiss. She was wearing a cap and it stopped anything happening. It looks to me like touch is his "love language" but he may be struggling with impulse control or something like that. He is very cuddly at times with her & she knows it is not malicious as he is doing this in public view but it still looked like he was going to go past the boundaries.
I am trying to understand as much as a can about this boy. He is a real sweetheart and has gone through so much! My daughter also likes him and he is completely besotted with her & she feels so special with him because of how he treats her and what he says to her.
I was hoping that any parents who have an AS boy whose love language is "touch" could help us understand how to approach this situation best. Could he just continue pushing the boundaries until they go all the way? Do we need to keep reminding him every time we see about the boundaries? Like "don't forget the boundaries" in a light hearted way?
When they spend time together the majority of the time is normal kids playing games and talking, but there is a part of their time where they hang out alone and have "quiet time". Please help me understand how an AS teen may be thinking and how we could approach this.
many thanks