Hello! Okay, so I’m just going to jump straight in: I’m a 19 year old female and I’m wondering if I have Aspergers. I feel like there’s something not quite right with me, but I didn’t suspect this until after I was told by two of my best friends that they have Aspergers. I never realised, to be honest. I just thought I’d found real people that I could finally relate to. So… I’m debating on whether I should bring this up with my GP, because it could be something else. But before I do, I was wondering what you guys think. Do I have Aspergers or am I just insane? I kinda made the whole thing in list form….it’s a very long list. I basically just listed stuff I thought was relevant… hope it’s not too long. HELP.
- I’m scared of meeting new people. Especially houseguests (will avoid them like the plague even if I’m starving and need to eat)
- I don’t always look at people when I talk to them (which annoys me because I know I can only if I’m comfortable around them). If I do end up looking at them, I stare straight into their eyes which apparently can get a bit awkward.
- I hate people I don’t live with and am comfortable with coming into my room.
-Something which i know can’t be a typical reaction: flying into a rage or crying if my mother has misplaced or touched anything when she would clean my room. Everything has a place and a reason for being there (in use, not in use, medicines, memories, still life, candles/matches, etc…). Nothing makes sense without that order.
- Being overly competitive: always needing to prove i’m right (if i am, otherwise i’m open to suggestion)
- Apathetic to almost everything (except animals XD)
- People’s opinions of me differ hugely according to the situation: “You’re such a child” “You act like a kid” vs “You’re very mature for your age”, this may be normal, I wouldn’t know.
- I understanding people’s emotions and facial expressions like I understand a definition in a dictionary, as well as tact/things you should(n’t) say; but not always sure how to proceed. There are moments where I think I got it right but it turns out I was too blunt/rude. Trouble fully understanding what a person means or is asking (ex. “Does this dress suit me/look good?” should i say yes based on what i’ve heard others say, or comment on whether the dress is aesthetically pleasing on its own or according to the person’s skin tone/body shape…. Am I overthinking this?)
- I am very quiet and hate sudden loud noises (slamming doors, screeching tables/chairs, and despise the sound of people chewing)
- I dissociate easily: terrible memory, poor as hell concentration, debilitating brain fog. BUT I know I am not depressed: I have depressive episodes but these are due to this damn dissociation, which I think is due to a lack of mental stimuli (but I’m not a psychiatrist.) + brain fog is only present if I’m not focused on something interesting.
- My jokes are not always understood, my sense of humour is either very dark or odd, or I take it too far. Ironically, I hardly get why most jokes/situations are funny. Yet, if I do find them funny, I rarely laugh.
- To add to that, although I can be very expressive, if I’m pleased it usually never shows. My mother always asks me “Are you happy/do you like (X)?”(for example: I’ve received a wonderful gift, I love it), I’ll simply tell her “Yes, I love it. Thank you”
- I can’t find it in me to work on something i have no interest in, even if this means obtaining horrible grades or getting fired from work. On the other hand, as soon as I find something interesting, I have to know everything about it; in fact, I can get so absorbed, I forget to eat. I live for my interests, it is more mentally stimulating than spending time with people. Not that I don’t like people, I love my friends. But I find it hard to give them time: if the conversation is not interesting, I prefer to leave then sit and be unproductive.
- I hate conflict
- I can be impulsive myself but hate others springing random surprises on me.
- Unless I know the person, I can’t tell when they’re joking. In which case, I think they’re making fun of me. Same with sarcasm.
- But I can be equally as uncaring of other people’s judgement so… I really don’t know.
- In a work environment, I have to know everything that’s going on, so that I can plan my day around everything for it to go smoothly. I made the big mistake of going into hospitality, complete disaster! Planning seems to be a big part of my life, no matter how much I’d like to think I’m footloose & carefree. I think of it as chess, accounting and assessing for all possible moves and outcomes.
- I’ve got a huge problem with words, I find it hard to get what I mean across. I prefer to do it in writing.
- Don’t understand why people get so irrational when they’re emotional, y u no logic.
But then I think that there are aspects that disprove my whole theory:
- Although I hardly remember my childhood, I know that I used to be very loud. I would always find one/two good friend(s). I was also told that i was equally very shy.
- I’m not that bothered by change if I initiate it. In fact, I love it. I love moving around from house to house, or travelling alone to different countries to learn more. If it’s unexpected and affects me, I get a little upset.
- I can force myself to appear social and outgoing at times, even voluntarily interacting with people I hardly know (some can be complete strangers). + I don’t mind it at all if random people approach/talk to me in public, in fact, I’ll gladly talk back.
- If I’m familiar with an expression, I understand it. If I don’t expect it, I don’t understand it.
- I myself use sarcasm a lot.
- I care too much, though I think I’m not even aware of it, at times.
- I have learnt to react in an expressive way to things so that people don’t think I’m being insincere (smiling when I’m happy, laughing when I find something funny, etc)
- I have a wild & vivid imagination
I love crêpes, fur, gold sunset, film rolls and calm blue. Sorry, not sorry. *sigh* This was weird. Anyway, if you’ve managed to finish this, what do you think?