Dislike or liking someone at first contact

Hello

I am watching YouTube videos, letting recommended Ines play as I can't sleep (yet again). And I have noticed within a couple seconds if I like the presenter or not. This has made my tired brain think, and it's stuck in my head and have to find out if you guys do the same thing.

So, not just internet personallities, do you see someone, hear them, smell them... I don't know... maybe taste them lol... and think, I don't know why but I like this girl, or I dont like this guy.


If it's not just me, or is, what is it in my head that picks up on this? It's beginning to drive me crazy lol

the brain is a neural network. it works on pattern recognition. this triggers a response, depending on whether that particular pattern had good or bad associations. as such, any pattern will trigger some sort of response. it isn't a rational process. it's far more basic than that.

Oh, so say I was kidnapped by a man with horned rim glasses (a heroes reference lol) I would not like people with horned rim glasses even if they are a really nice person?

your rational mind can over-ride your irrational mind. nevertheless, you're not likely to have a good first impression of such a person. and that's what we're talking about - first impressions.

Thank you monkey, it's great to know why my brain does things.

How could I retrain my brain into liking people who should be nice?

I don't know what it is, but I didn't really have my nan (my mums' mum) growing up, my mum fell out with her when my granddad died. A few years ago she has come back into our lives, I see her every so often (she lives at the bottom of a hill, we are at the top), and she won't come here, and I hate her dogs so I don't go down there, but when I do see her, she "acts" all lovingly, wanting to give me kisses and hugs - a huge no no on my behalf, I can't even hug my own mum... but for some unknown reason I don't trust, believe or like her.

As she is family, I need to at least not dislike her, as I get very close to having a meltdown whenever I do see her, due to anger, hate or something...

I have to take medication that helps with stress when I go out and meet people as it could easily set me off, with the medication I can take a little more before I break down.

i didn't used to particularly like my father. i felt that he was abusive towards me when i was young. however, i now have to look after him, as he has dementia. and, as a result, i've come to understand him much better. sometimes it's hard to see past our own prejudices, conscious or subconscious. however, when we really get to know other people, we get to see other aspects of their lives, not just the ones relating directly to us. so, you need to make a conscious effort to get to know your grandmother. that way you'll be less focused on the past and more on the present, and future.

How can I do that if she does not show when invited?

I have physical disabilities as well as autism, and most days I don't get out of bed, not alone the house to visit her, in a situation where my senses get extremely overwhelming.

Her dogs don't stop barking, she does not clean up after the dogs both food and waste, it smells bad enough it stings my eyes, her dogs run around at your feet, and I trip over them, then the dogs star licking you, it's far too much and I always freak out with stimming or a meltdown

you may have to accept that it isn't going to be possible for you to build a relationship with your nan. as such, actually liking her may not be possible either. however, if you seldom see her, you're not likely to often be reminded that you dislike her. and when you have such thought, you can always tell yourself that they're irrational and not worth dwelling on. having an obsession is very handy for avoiding irrational thoughts, as you can't hold two thoughts in your mind at one time.

shock_the_monkey wrote:you may have to accept that it isn't going to be possible for you to build a relationship with your nan. as such, actually liking her may not be possible either. however, if you seldom see her, you're not likely to often be reminded that you dislike her. and when you have such thought, you can always tell yourself that they're irrational and not worth dwelling on. having an obsession is very handy for avoiding irrational thoughts, as you can't hold two thoughts in your mind at one time.

Another great advise, thank you.

So when my nan comes around say around Christmas, I should try and focus my attention on something else, but any ideas what, I don't want to be rude?

My obsessions tend to be watching zombie tv/films, halo, some other video games YouTube viewer.

when i was young i used to daydream a lot. i guess it was just a form of escapism. nevertheless, it's a great way of being there and not being there, all at the same time.