Furious about misdiagnosis

I posted this in a blog of mine quite a while ago, maybe it will be helpful, maybe not.

When I was younger, my father had a relatively high stress long hour job. I would see him come home and hear him talk about the office politics, the stress the strain etc..etc.. I decided that my #1 goal in life would be to be happy. I think way too many people are so driven to succeed that they forgot about happiness. Maybe they've forgotten what it is, or maybe something tricked them into thinking happiness is more than a way of life or the content of our souls. So ask yourself if you are truely happy. If you said "no" then you've probably got some work to do. Happiness isn't something people are born with, it's a result. A result of ones ability to cope with life. Sometimes life is like a battlefield and coping is exceedingly tough. In some cases we need a change, wether it be where we live, or the people we surround ourselves with, or both. Yo need a chance to breath, a chance to recover and heal. Remove yourself and pour your heart into something you love. Take a moment and let the other person through the intersection before you,even if you have the right of way. Look at your life and where you are, and where you want to be, then play connect the dots to get there.

There is a wonderful book out, that I have read just phrases from, but intend to pick up a copy of (three volumes I believe) it is called "the Wisdom of James Allen" a quote

"A man is not rightly conditioned until he is a happy, healthy, and prosperous being; and happiness, health, and prosperity are the result of a harmonious adjustment of the inner with the outer of the man with his surroundings."

and another

"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. "

Chucky wrote:sum1, there is little known about Asperger's here in Ireland. When I mentioned it to people I know here, they didn't know what it was.

Yes, a lot of people don't know anything at all about it. Those who
do know, however, have usually read or heard about rather
extreme cases. Most of my experience is with my mother and
with health care personnel who have read old reports about me.

Schill, I like your post but I am continually putting people ahead of myself: holding doors open for people to walk through; picking-up litter on the street or bus; helping my classmates even though I know it'll stress me out; and just generally having a nice & helpful disposition around people... ...so why am I depressed?

Chucky wrote:Schill, I like your post but I am continually putting people ahead of myself: holding doors open for people to walk through; picking-up litter on the street or bus; helping my classmates even though I know it'll stress me out; and just generally having a nice & helpful disposition around people... ...so why am I depressed?

Chucky I'm glad you asked. My post really wasn't specific to that being the way to happiness. I think what it means is taking the time to slow down a bit. A lot of people who have lot's of issues with depression and basic stress are too self focused, but they are focused on they negative things in their life. If you can identify the things in life that stress you out then you can start to acknowledge and address them. All of those things you do are wonderful, picking up litter, helping classmates, the question then to me is why do you do those things? Is it because it's fulfilling to you or is it because you think it's what you should do...Or is it because you are irritated about the litter.

My post wasn't about putting others ahead of yourself, in fact the intention was to be to put your own wellbeing and happiness ahead of everything else. Slowing down and doing something kind because it makes you feel good, that's great. If it isn't helping then a new angle is needed.

Chucky why do you think you feel depressed, what is it that bothers you?

I just want to ad in that diagnosis or no diagnosis, doesn't matter we are all who we are. To some it might come as a relief to understand why they may have difficulties with some things.To me my son's diagnosis was discouraging and upsetting, but as he gets a little older I find it a bit of a blessing as I know have a better understanding about why he does some of the things he does. It offers me the opportunity to be more patient and less frustrated, not because I expect less of him but because I know there are challenges that may prevent him from seeing things the way I do.

The key thing is he is still the same kid he has been all along, and I wouldn't have him any other way, because then he wouldn't be Hay. At least having an idea of what's going on with him gives me the chance to be prepared for different struggles than I dealt with as a kid.

Hmmm, I actualy do know why I am depressed. I spend too much of my time studying and too little time socialising. Socialising is naturally difficult for me so I have to try extra hard with it. However, currently, I have not gone out with a group of people for over 2 years. I am well-capable of talking to people in my college but I choose my work over a social event whenever one come-up.


I'm also a little angered by the state of the world; with wars that I fel are unjust and such... ...

At least having an idea of what's going on with him gives me the chance to be prepared for different struggles than I dealt with as a kid.

That's exactly the way it is for me: I am now better prepared to handle things because I can anticipate how I will react. Before learning of Asperger's I was going through life puzzled as to what was going on inside my head.


Anyway, it's 9AM... I'm going to the gym.


Take care,
Kevin.

Schill wrote:To some it might come as a relief to understand why they may have difficulties with some things.

For me - "ahhhh that's why.

Schill wrote:I find it a bit of a blessing as I know have a better understanding about why he does some of the things he does. It offers me the opportunity to be more patient and less frustrated, not because I expect less of him but because I know there are challenges that may prevent him from seeing things the way I do.

Same for myself and my family.

Schill wrote:The key thing is he is still the same kid he has been all along, and I wouldn't have him any other way, because then he wouldn't be Hay.

I wouldn't be Calum.

We have a little in common perhaps, unless i got this wrong. That would be embarrassing.

Oh.my.God.

why have you all been bashing the girl so heavily? The reason we all post to this forum is to bounce our opinions around to see what people think. Surely the misdiagnosis did hurt her life. As would an AS be hurt by being diagnosed as bipolar and given Prozac or whatever.

Surely it's all her fault, bottom line, but don't judge too heavily. She's an NT, for Christ sake . She hasn't spent her life introspecting. She wants to be popular and... stuff.

The diagnosis helped me enormously, for instance. And I don't see many people with AS here who are angry at the diagnosis (although I think it's not a syndrome or a disorder).

So any diagnosis is just as good as it is helpful, I'm afraid. The same goes for depression...

Chucky, if I may, maybe you shouldn't be too nice. if you're genuinly nice, from the heart, you shouldn't be depressed; if you're nice to other people and are still depressed, then you might be depressed because you perceive injustice in the way the people are treating you, compared to how you're treating them. If you're deliberately putting yourself on a high horse, sort of speak. And that in itself is not nice; it's arrogant.

It helps with depression to find fault in yourself. It's a relief.

Hey,


You're right: I have a feeling that being too nice is also causing some melancholy on my part. I never give enough attention to myself. I just find it very hard to say no to people no matter how much stress it puts on me.

I need to toughen-up, eh. It certainly won't be helpful for my [future] children if I cannot say 'no' to them.


Thanks,
Kevin.

Yeah, it needn't have anything to do with AS per se, but you might slip in it in your effort to cope - it's about giving and taking; if you just take from someone, it's not good; but it's equally destructive if you just give and ask or get nothing in return. You start feeling miserable or worse, even hating the person, for not returning the favors, and the person starts to hate you because you make him/her feel bad. It's silly, but it is so...

But we're OT.