Do I have Asperger's

Hello, my name is Jon and I am a 21 year old male. For my whole life up to this point I have been different. In as early as kindergarten or 1st grade I was in special education classes. As soon as I started trying academically though, at about 16 years old, I began doing better. Now I am just about to get an associate's degree in General Studies from my local community college. With greatly improved writing and critical thinking skills, time on my hands and a few other advantages I have been getting very high grades as well.

It has happened numerous times in my life that I have made mistakes that have been very illogical and many times odd. This doesn't really ever happen so long as I stay within my comfort zone, which in part involves being by myself and not talking with people. Partly because I am very conscious and seem to perceive every tiny mistake I make, in my experiences I don't get anything out of stepping outside of my comfort zone besides awkwardness, and also embarrassment when I fail. This is one reason why I haven't had friends in several years and am completely dependent upon my mom.

I have NEVER had a job or other things I should have got years ago. I volunteered at a book store about a dozen times on my own, at 19, as well as with classmates at a local animal shelter for school at 16. I also stacked wood for someone who lives nearby and helped a couple other people not all that long ago. Most of those experiences went well but I still fear work life. It is different than volunteer work in that I will be asked to work hours on end, and I will get paid and will thus have standards I must meet or else I will be fired (The fact that they may be simple tasks for most intimidates me, because though I have about average intelligence I think like a child in those situations and mess things up. In part my struggles come from my learning disability which makes interpreting instructions correctly difficult.). In general making it in life seems so daunting!

I also have quite a few other things that seem to be signs of Asperger's. Some more examples would be that I really don't like making eye contact, I am obsessed with my situation and why I am different, and I have been obsessed with one or two things most of my life.

I think that for the past few years I have been mostly mature ethically, spiritually, and analytically, but I have the appearance and voice of someone who is 17 or 18, and despite maybe seeming normal when just out in public, I also have the demeanor of someone even younger than 16 when in different sorts of social situations. I can act like an adult, but I feel prideful and unnatural doing so. I have felt that way since before my spiritual rebirth at 16.5. The way I try to act instead is humble but I come across more like a shy child to some I think. It may be like how the great theologian and monk Thomas Aquinas acted in at least part of his life. I was surprised to read on [mod edit] recently that classmates thought he was "dim-witted" because he was so modest. In fact he was a great intellectual and person, and one of the most impactful in all of Christian history.

Please don't let this really affect your response, but I would love if I was diagnosed with something like Asperger's. I feel like there is no one else in the world like me. Seriously, it seems like almost everyone is normal and acts similar to each other, and like everyone connects with someone. Such a diagnosis would also give me an explanation for why I am so different besides that I am weird and not smart. It may also help me to get government support perhaps? I don't mean to sound helpless, but whether I feel okay or not I tend to struggle when socializing or generally when outside of my comfort zone, and I can't imagine making it on my own in life.

As a couple final notes. Sorry for the long response. And please don't judge me. I know I'm different and am aware that perhaps I'm coming across as weak. My problems really stem from whatever is different about my brain though and I would really like an considerate insights.

[mod edit]

Well, I was really hoping someone who could provide better input than myself would respond. Personally, I have pretty much no "life advice" to offer, for reasons that would be OT.

Only a qualified professional is capable of providing you with a diagnosis. Many users come to this forum seeking 'insight' for disorders they suspect having, and I was one of them, but unfortunately we aren't able to provide such input in compliance with the forum guidelines.

No need to worry about being judged, we all either have mental health complications of our own or are affiliated with someone, or some people who do.

Lastly I would like to say that my life experiences have been fairly similar to yours in some ways. Despite having no learning delay, I had serious difficulties with school, primarily because I was, and still am highly inept with social skills and had no friends as such. Well, only in the first few years, which I hardly even remember anymore. Other than that I struggled with things like the notorious ADHD 'task management' issues. It was very problematic, and my grades suffered badly despite the fact that I was more than capable, knowledge-wise, of achieving much greater scores. It's one of the absolute bitterest of my recollections and I know for sure it'll be that way for the rest of my life. Can't really explain what it does to me.

On a final note, I happen to think your writing is quite articulate. I find it bothersome to see that this thread got no response for over 2 weeks. Not sure if you'll return, but I do hope so.

You aren't coming across as weak at all. If these things are causing problems, it's natural to want answers.

I'm going to be having an assessment for Aspergers and can relate to a lot of what you describe. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and you shouldn't feel bad.

Are you able to see someone for an ASD assessment? On one hand labels aren't important, but it can be useful for understanding yourself and your problems.

Thank you caughtinafray and CloudShark for the responses!

Caughtinafray: I'm glad to see I'm not alone in struggling socially. It can be tough having Asperger's or at least the signs of this disorder, and I'm sorry to hear about your past. We all have our issues and dark spots in our past, but may you overcome your challenges and bad memories and do good in this life with each day you have!

CloudShark: Have you got the results for the assessment, or did you end up doing it? Hopefully I will get health insurance for the first time in a long time and can see someone about this. In the meantime, a couple of Asperger test I just took indicated that I could have this disorder. The first I took twice, and even though I gave several different answers the second time around, I got a 31/50 each time; apparently a strong indicator of Asperger's. The second test seemed pretty flawed but said I am borderline and should ask a professional about it.

Also, I just got my first job--at Walmart--and went through training this week! So far things have been going pretty well, and tonight I will work (unfortunately as an overnight stocker ) a shift, post-training, for the first time.