Manipulative/NPD ex

Hi,

I'm in a LDR with a guy with Aspergers. We had a big blow up recently with him having a meltdown when I discovered that the (overseas) female friend he often texts with is a married former lover that he didn't tell me about. We were eventually able to have a calm discussion about this and I got some info. She dumped him because she decided to stay with her husband but rather than go no contact with her they stayed "friends"/emotional affair partners and she has been stringing him along for years with her games. Some of the things she's said are clearly bs. Eventually he decided to move on and found someone else. Ex told him she loved him for the first time when he mentioned the new girlfriend. She was partly to blame for them splitting up. My BF then decided to try again and he found me. Ex eventually decided that they would be "just friends" but remained a frequent presence in his life. They have a common interest and I think that's a big draw, also she is someone for him to talk to, he doesn't have many friends. I previously knew about this woman, but not the rate of their communication until I noticed that they were texting constantly over the course of a few days and that made me suspicious. When I confronted my bf I had the opportunity to text her and she was obviously surprised and flustered at me doing this. She said they'd been saying I love you up until he first visited me. My bf was angry at this and said it had ended a lot earlier.

BF said he hasn't spoken to her again yet. But they're still on some social media together (apart from FB because her husband wouldn't like that). She messaged me on FB trying to change her story and trying to find out if I had stopped him texting her. I ignored the message. I think she's very manipulative with some narcissistic tendencies given the things she was saying. Subtly inferring that they have more in common than we ever will. I showed my bf her message, he said it was a long message. I can't stop him contacting her but I'm worried about her presence in my boyfriend's life even if it's only texting I think she keeps a hold over him. She won't leave her husband but she craves my boyfriend's attention. And I think due to his Aspergers he just doesn't see this. He thinks because she's not tried anything since we've been together she's safe. But she has previous form and all the lies about what happened just make me uncomfortable. I think she's hoping to come between us just by being there in the background. It's already getting to me.

My question is, is there any information/resources online about this kind of thing? A person with ASD being manipulated by someone like this? I'm trying to gently explain how I see this and what I think she's doing but am worried he will have another meltdown.

Did a bit of digging and found something that may be useful. It seems to be more aimed toward ASD readers rather than NT's and isn't necessarily relationship-specific, but may be of use.

http://www.myaspergers.net/adults-with- ... essential/

Thank you, that's very helpful. I've sent it to him. I was super stressed at work and had another talk to him about that woman when I got home. Eventually I bit the bullet and asked if he'd stop talking to her for me. He said he'd try. I can't physically make him but hopefully he will start to see things from my point of view, with some help. The woman is a manipulative, selfish person who doesn't' want him, she just doesn't want anyone else to have him. He was in shutdown all of yesterday and only started speaking to me again today.