Conflict with Neurotypicals

I do hope that I am not the only one with this conflict. I guess I'll organize this question/discussion which I want to start in 2 sections. My interaction with others, and my internal experience (Social life VS Mental Life). This is not just about me, but it is me wondering if anyone of you have similar experiences.

Firstly, I am often in fights with people. I am somewhat wary of confrontation, and I don't think I handle it too well, but I am cool and my demeanor is together, and I know what I want when I want it when in a confrontation with someone. Often, I feel a need to avoid confrontation at all costs and when this confrontation-free lifestyle is unattainable I spend a specific amount of time strategizing and manipulating my situation as to avoid injury. I am often told that I stepped out of line for simply saying something. One example being calling someone illogical or stupid. I look up the definition of stupid, then I call them stupid. I don't understand what there is to be angry about, but it usually ends in being yelled at slapped or some other form of physical intimidation technique. Another example of this is how I often get picked on by random people. Many people, especially those seeking power. And when they realize that I do not need "social fuel" like them, they are frustrated and angry and attempt to control me even further, only resulting in a huge amount of inner insecurity being shown by them. I am often unable to connect to anyone, leaving me very alone sometimes, and other times forcing me to take a misanthropic view of the world.

Now for the second part, I want to talk about my thought pattern, as I've noticed my decisions and choices are different from others, and if anyone can relate. Basically, I am extremely autonomous, self building. My mind is a clean organized library of information that I can access whenever I need, and I am able to go independently for long amounts of time (as I've had to). I am self sufficient and self made and I can structure my mind and personality the way I want, and my thoughts are, for the most part, logical and technical. I don't see the world in a colorful flurry of pain and insecurity as I suppose most neurotypicals see it, but rather a place where I can survive and do it without others. I have immense trouble connecting with others, and I want to survive (as is the goal of all organisms) and I do anything I can to, even if it means hurting others who attack. I live by a single golden rule, and I am like Switzerland. I will be friendly when others are friendly, and attack without thought unless I am unable. I hope that someone else out there feels the same way I do about people, and I struggle severely to understand other people and their chaotic social requests. I have empathy and I am able to recognize when someone is hurting, but I loose that empathy when they attack me because they are hurting, and I wish people would realize that and leave me alone instead of injuring further.

Hello, just going to leave my personal input here.
Firstly, i'm also a very non-confrontatial person so i get what you mean when you say you avoid arguments. However, telling someone they're stupid is the OPPOSITE of that! It's an insult, it doesn't matter if they genuinely ARE handicapped. Also, even if it's true, telling someone they're stupid or illogical achieves absolutely nothing other than angering people, so i don't know why you would do that in the first place?
About not being able to connect, i often feel the same way but i don't think it's other people's fault, they live with what's given to them.
About the second part, thinking like you do is what i WANT to be like (except the part about surviving by attacking others i guess because that makes me feel very guilty) i want to be very independent and survive by my own power but i'm still very dependent on my family and it frustrates me.. Also your thinking doesn't struck me as very unique as i think lots of people see life this way( at least a lot of autistics since i hear this kind of thinking a lot and that means 1 in 100 people) And i wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence, i'm also very empathetic to people in pain or people that have problems but those kind of people can be VERY manipulative and passive-aggressive as well when they feel you're "not on their side"

Thank you for your reply. To your first statement, I've come to realize just how negatively people will take a comment like stupid and I refrain from it. The reason I've used it is because I thought it would accurately describe their behaviors but I'm wrong as it is derogatory and I've come to understand what kind of damage words can do if they are meant to cause damage. I don't think its their faults either now, but sometimes and as I was typing this I'm rigid and bitter because I'm trapped in a bubble of poor communication skills. I can't even formulate emotions like other people, like I'm a severe narcissist without the ability to read people like they can. I also depend on people but my autonomy is a defense mechanism against the long months I spend in isolation, with only outside sounds. Loneliness is a jabbing pain sometimes and a peaceful escape others. And to the last thing, I would imagine that I share these thoughts with a lot of people but I am unable to connect with them, like there's a barrier or wall. It's funny, when someone insults me I feel it too, but the type of pain I feel is like a "You're attacking me so I'm going to attack you" type feeling. Anyways, thank you for your response and I understand lot of what you've said.

No problem, i understand you as well and i think you expressed yourself fine here.Also you don't need to blame yourself for having poor communication skills, that's not your fault and you're the one who's suffering most from it. And from what i know narcissism is different from poor communication skills, it's more thinking yourself superior to others.