I don't know why I'm bothering.

It doesn't matter what I do, I'll always be living a second-rate existence. Employment is difficult and considering my lack of experience due to past difficulties as well the hurdles I'd face with interviews... best I can hope for is a minimum wage job which allows me to survive but nothing more.

I've come to the realisation that I don't like 90% of people. I'm always being asked why I'm so quiet at work and soon I'm going to snap and say it's because their conversations are about as interesting as watching paint dry. Also because I prefer to observe people, I've seen what two-faced, petty, ignorant individuals they are. Even if it came naturally, I would not want to socialise with people like that.

I don't know why I'm still living. I can't say there's anything I love about life so much that it's worth going through the monotony for. What keeps other people with Aspergers going?

Whatever778 wrote:What keeps other people with Aspergers going?

... in my case, absolutely nothing. i've wanted to be gone from this world for a long time now. unfortunately, that isn't as easy to achieve as it might sound. that said, i will give you the benefit of my experience.

there are a lot of people in the world living a hand-to-mouth existence. it's not easy. but even a minimum wage job is better than no job at all. and material things aren't everything in life. i recently read about a woman who lived in london in a multi-million pound house, was married with children and she still jumped under a train and killed herself. she seemed to be struggling with alcoholism and in some way felt she'd failed her family. sadly, her thinking was so distorted that she no doubt failed to realise that her real failure was to kill herself and thereby abandon them. money isn't everything. in a way it can have it's own problems. so, if you can live within your means on a sustainable basis, you're not doing too badly. indeed, that's all you really need to do, even though you may want more than that.

as to people, they are what they are. it doesn't really help to judge them. we all have our problems in life and most people don't aspire to be saints. also, we seldom know what has shaped other people's lives. perhaps if we did we'd have more sympathy for them. occasionally people that i meet on a regular basis open up to me about their lives. i know a bus driver who lost his sister to a hereditary breathing problem. he's told me how he has dreams about her and wakes up in a cold sweat hyperventilating. this has gone on for years. it's difficult to know what to say to such people. their pain runs too deep to say anything really. so, yes, people can be annoying, if we allow ourselves to be annoyed. but perhaps we should try to look more deeply than that.

I can relate exactly to both of you. My only goal in life is to die peacefully and naturally. Nothing else seems to really matter. There are many interesting things in this world, many fascinating stimuli, and it's just not enough to provoke motivation to do more than just observe others. Sometimes I just want to be a ghost, watching the world of these people. Some days I feel like I am already dead and forgotten.

I use to walk around graveyards and think about all those lives. Looking around and seeing how dead it was. People seem so afraid of death, so concerned with the well-being of others, and express so hard how death impacted their lives... yet... So quite in the cemetery.

I started reading about Diogenes of Sinope and I could relate to the stories and could see myself doing the same thing.

If you don't know about Diogenes of Sinope you should look him up and read about his story. It's very interesting and you may find some agreeable philosophy.

NothingSpace wrote:I can relate exactly to both of you. My only goal in life is to die peacefully and naturally. Nothing else seems to really matter.

. Yes, exactly this! And living in peace away from everyone i know because i always end up harming people.. I wish i was kept in a mental hospital or something.

AprilR wrote:

NothingSpace wrote:I can relate exactly to both of you. My only goal in life is to die peacefully and naturally. Nothing else seems to really matter.

. Yes, exactly this! And living in peace away from everyone i know because i always end up harming people.. I wish i was kept in a mental hospital or something.

... the problem is that, like most introverts, we have an over-sensitive nervous system. when people criticise us, we feel that criticism intensely. as such, we become perfectionists, because we want to avoid any sort of criticism. this, of course, is impossible, because people can always find something to criticise. so, we become depressed, because nothing that we can ever do will be good enough. and in our attempts to be good enough we spend all our time focusing on what could go wrong and seeing the world in completely negative terms. even when people compliment us we think they must be being insincere. so, we end up locked into a perception of reality that is sad, lonely and meaningless. i imagine that it's almost impossible to break out of that reality completely by ourselves. we can try but the world around us never really changes that much. i can only guess that knowing what the problem is, we can try to see things differently. but it's difficult. all those years of conditioning go very deep. i guess we just have to keep trying.

shock_the_monkey wrote:... the problem is that, like most introverts, we have an over-sensitive nervous system. when people criticise us, we feel that criticism intensely. as such, we become perfectionists, because we want to avoid any sort of criticism. this, of course, is impossible, because people can always find something to criticise. so, we become depressed, because nothing that we can ever do will be good enough. and in our attempts to be good enough we spend all our time focusing on what could go wrong and seeing the world in completely negative terms. even when people compliment us we think they must be being insincere. so, we end up locked into a perception of reality that is sad, lonely and meaningless. i imagine that it's almost impossible to break out of that reality completely by ourselves. we can try but the world around us never really changes that much. i can only guess that knowing what the problem is, we can try to see things differently. but it's difficult. all those years of conditioning go very deep. i guess we just have to keep trying.

I don't think i feel like this because people criticised me. It's just that i've been through so many abnormal things when i already have an abnormal brain, i've become a too twisted person to live among normal people.I'm scared of harming people and becoming evil. But i'm scared of going to hell so i can't commit suicide, i'm also afraid that it won't work out. If i can't die at least i want to be somewhere away from everyone but even admitting myself to a instutiton isn't easy here..

shock_the_monkey wrote:... the problem is that, like most introverts, we have an over-sensitive nervous system. when people criticise us, we feel that criticism intensely. as such, we become perfectionists, because we want to avoid any sort of criticism. this, of course, is impossible, because people can always find something to criticise. so, we become depressed, because nothing that we can ever do will be good enough. and in our attempts to be good enough we spend all our time focusing on what could go wrong and seeing the world in completely negative terms. even when people compliment us we think they must be being insincere. so, we end up locked into a perception of reality that is sad, lonely and meaningless. i imagine that it's almost impossible to break out of that reality completely by ourselves. we can try but the world around us never really changes that much. i can only guess that knowing what the problem is, we can try to see things differently. but it's difficult. all those years of conditioning go very deep. i guess we just have to keep trying.

The story of my life, except that I don't want to see things differently because

a) I think that perspective is accurate, and
b) changing it would give me hope that'll lead me to go out and get crushed again