New to this stage in life...

Hi,

The diagnosis of my 8yo son approx a year ago was that he was in that part of the AS spectrum. He has since been labelled and getting assitance in his education (I still have my doubts as to whether he is getting the 'correct' assistance) for his comprehension and reading.

This past new year I vowed to turn over a new leaf and try and smile and be happy and not let the little things in life bother me. I was okay for about the first month of the year, but either my patience is slipping away or I am losing my confidence in my happiness or I am falling back into my same self that I apparently have always been.

I am now scheduled for an interview for testing for AS or whatever it is that keeps on haunting me...

I am happily married (at least I feel that I am) with a daughter (she's adopted) and a son, however my loving wife has said that I have not been happy the past ten or twelve years that she and I have spent together. She says that I don't smile, or want to spend time with her or the kids. The list could go on, but I think most know where I am going.

I have done some research online and been reading up and for some reason I seem to "fit" the groove of AS. I tend to stay by myself and not be a social creature at work. I get hooked into a topic and will spend hours/days researching it until it becomes boring or something new comes along. My disposition tends to sway to the point where I feel I don't like those around me or they are out to get me. I can ramble on and repeat the same topic as if I were telling it for the first time or making sure that I conveyed it correctly to the person whom I was speaking to.

I'd like to find something to blame and be able to say that if I remove that element from my life that I'll be fine, but somehow I think that something is me.

Is/are there any out there that fit some of what I have stated or that perhaps could ask me some key questions to see if there is more that I could say to see if I truly what I think I am?

Thanks for any info you can offer...

Hello my friend,

Do you love your wife and family? If you answer 'Yes' then you need to start changing the way you are living your life. Your wife might feel that your love for her is fading because, by her words, you have been unhappy for the past few years.

You MUST ensure that you explain your true self to her. You also must inform her of your recent delvving into the world of Asperger's. I am 23 my friend, but I have had two long term relationships so far and am acutely aware that the way we (Aspies) live our livbes can result in a damaged relationship. For this reason alone, you must try so VERY VERY hard to change and let your wife know how much you appreciate and love her.


Start to do this NOW, not later.


Take care,
Kevin.

PS - If you wish to pursue in getting a diagnosis of Asperger's then go to your GP and ask for a referral to a suitable psychiatrist in the Autism area.

Kevin,

Thanks for the reply.

Yes I do love both my wife and family. Very much. That is why I am doing what I am doing with going through and getting tested to see if this truly is AS or something else.


With my insurance, no referrals are required so that takes care of that phase. I have an appointment set up with a local neurologist to interview my case and hopefully assess me.

It's just that after my son was diagnosed that I have been reading up on the topic to enlighten myself as to how to work with him and his ways of going through the day. I found out that this was possibly a hereditary link and that mostly it would come from the male side of the family.

As I have been reading, I have been finding out more and more and seeing little points here and there that I sit and think afterwards, that "hey, that sounds like me". However, also what I have read is that one should NOT try to assess their abnormality as it were. And that is why I am going the route that I am with getting an evaluation done. In fact, I think that perhaps my wife was surprised when I told her that I needed her to come with me. She has been long in saying that I needed to find out what it is that makes me tick. Why do I get so upset over the little things. Why sometimes/most of the time I don't generally smile. Why I am the way I am...

I'm not sure if she thinks that I have AS or any form of autism as I have a very good intelligence - however it does make her mad when I forget things that she has told me about and it may have been only moments ago. Perhaps we can both work out what the heck has been drilling me for these so many years.

Maybe now I can determine why I didn't take so kindly to authority while in the military, why sometimes at work things irk me so that I have a cursing snap reaction, how come if things aren't going as planned or the way I worked them out that I get discouraged and start getting angry or just shut down in silence...

I know there is more to what I have just posted...perhaps more will come to light after my interview...

I'm willing to get help and be helped...I was happy for the first part of this year...I want to be that carefree/happy/heartfelt always, not just when the mood suits me...

If I can avoid it I'd like to go without medication as I have done for the past few years in doing holistic treatment...and who knows, they will probably find out that some of the medications, innoculations whatever they gave us as children is finally coming to light and the legacy is living through us and into our next few generations...??

busybeaver wrote:I'm not sure if she thinks that I have AS or any form of autism as I have a very good intelligence - however it does make her mad when I forget things that she has told me about and it may have been only moments ago. Perhaps we can both work out what the heck has been drilling me for these so many years.

People with AS and autism can very extremely intelligent and, in fact, it was thought that Einstein and Isaac Newton were autistic. Also - and more akin to Ireland - it was believed that our great poet WB Yeats and our first president Eamon de Valera both had Asperger's syndrome. In relation the the second part of that quoted paragraph, when I was with girlfriends in the past I would also frequently forget the thing that they had JUST said to me. It was very very annoying and made me feel useless and made them feel s if I didn't care what they were saying.


Anyway, overall your last reply was very very interesting and I must say that there is a significant similarity in our lives. You see, I am 24 years old but my father is like me - perhaps like you. So, while you are here talking about your Asperger's son who is similar to you, I could just as easily talk about my father - who is similar to me - and I have Asperger's syndrome.


I do believe that it is genetic but there is no one gene that causes Asperger's. It is not an illness such as diabetes or multiple sclerosis in that respect - It is just a syndrome that describes a way of living. As such, it is 'controlled' by a myriad of genes.


Anyway, I'll leave it at that.

Take care my friend,
Kevin.

If you do get an AS diagnosis, be dure to enrol on a good social skills course, and try the 'Mind Reading' on-line or CD-ROM course as its amazing for reading those non-verbal cues that assist social (and nmarital) interaction.

Good luck

Is there typically an issue with keeping a schedule or maintaining an order? I tend to get frazzled to the point of cursing/anger - but I don't lash out at anyone, just have a fit.

My wife says that I should sit down and write out a list of things to do and stick to it. I try that, but sometimes it's not easy and I get sidetracked over what I think is important - I guess it has to do with a prioritizing/time issue.

I'm not sure how much time to assign to a task and whether to just quit at that time or extend a bit if I am not finished with what I wanted to accomplish.

I can probably associate it with the timing of my continuing college classes...

My schedule consists of taking two classes part-time M, T & W, along with working nights and weekends (2 - 8 hour nights and 2 - 12 hour nights), also with being a leader for my sons' cub scout den...whatever time is left I tend to burn up in sleep, studying, planning meetings and not much else...

I know it sounds like I'm busy, but it doesn't feel like it...I used to be a perfectionist and had everything in its place, sorted clothes according to color or longsleeve, short sleeve, dress shirts...etc...

If things don't seem to be getting done around the house it gets on my mind and latched in that I need to get that done ASAP, start it and then lose track of doing it...

I'm getting random with my talk here, but that is how I tend to get sometimes...and then I tend to turn back to where I started...almost like a broken record.

As far as my relationship with my family, it tends to be off and on...sometimes I'm the dedicated dad...others I just seem to think that I want MY time and any talk or interruption is just a pain in the arse.

I've got to lose...hopefully, if they don't Dx me as AS, perhaps at least they will tell me that something, anything is truly wrong...

Hello again,

I think I know how you feel. I speak like a "broken record" at certain times also and yes: There definately is an issue with keeping a schedule and maintaining order. This is actually a major secondary symptom of Asperger's and it can manifest itself as, quite simply, OCD.


Picture me: I have been eating the exact same food at the exact same times for the past year or so. Now my gastroenterologist has put me on multi-vitamins because I lack them in my regular diet. I also sit in the exact same place on the couch at home to the point where it is now worn. There are countless things that I do the same f, everyday. We do this because we prefer what is familiar to us: What is familiar is what is comfortable.


I will do almost anything to keep my routines in place. It is very hard to have them broken.


Don't let yourself slip away just yet my friend. I am hot and cold to my family and acquaintances too but it isn't entirely your fault. I'm sure they understand your predicament anyway. One thing you MUST do however is to tell them the truth: That you love them.


Kevin.

Hi busybeaver,

I kind of in a similar situation.

I have been married for four years now and have 2 beautiful children. I'm happy in my marriage, I love my wife and children.

My wife an I have been having increasingly frequent fights. She's keeps talking of divorce, apparently she can't handle being married to someone diagnosed with Aspergers. She loves to talk and chat and talk and chat and ... and gets incredibly frustrated that I find sooooo hard to do what she does. Now, pretty much every response I give here is met with sarcasm because my attemps are apparently pathetic. It is getting to the point where its a viscious circle. The more she criticises me, the harder I find it to talk to her.

I really don't know what to do. Last night, she moved into one of the kid's rooms after have screamed at me, scratched me and pushed me up against the wall by the neg trying to stranlge me - I had to lock myself in the bedroom. Today has starting explaining to the children that if Mummy and Daddy can't get along better then they may have to live in separate houses.

My life is falling apart. I wouldn't be so bad if I hated her. Loosing the kids would be devastating but at least it would be a relief to get rid of a negative element in my life. But that's not the case, I love her and want to spend my life with her.

I feel she has a problem with aggression, she denies this and refuses to see anyone about it. I try to explain that it is difficult for me to have a conversation because of aspergers but she just counters with that it is difficult being married to someone with AS.

I don't know what to do anymore.