To start off, I'm 20 years old and major in business at college.
I have a very active social life with many friends and a girlfriend. I go out several times a week.
I've always been unmotivated at times. Unmotivated to have good conversation, and lazy. When my friends want to do something different, I sigh not wanting to. Of course, I go through with it.
Sometimes when I talk to people, I find it hard to interact on a good level. Sometimes what I say to people is awkward, or just not emotionally interesting. Other times, I have great conversations with people, but mostly not.
I have trouble maintaining eye contact. More nights than others, I'm not motivated to go out and interact with others; I do it in hopes that I will get better at interacting with people.
Then I found Adderall. My first few days on adderall was heaven on earth. At last, I was alert, I could read people socially. I had some of the best conversations of my life during this time (a month or so).
This is when I landed my girlfriend. This is when I landed a great sales job.
Afraid of becoming used to the drug, and longterm side effects, I took myself off Adderall. Now I'm back to my unmotivated social self. I can hold conversations on a basic level, but rarely am I able to read people and spark their interests.
After some research on Adderall alternatives, I started taking St. Johns Wart. It's been 2 days so far and really no effect except for fatigue (I'm giving it the full 4 - 6 weeks to work mind you).
I guess this is my question : Is it worth it? Is it worth it to take a drug like Adderall? They say you only live once, and some of my best moments in my life came when I was medicated. I felt like my true personality was actually coming out for once. I could actually take my knowledge and apply it in a social situation. I could make others laugh easily. I could talk to women so easily it was ridiculous. I was no longer spending hours on end on one thing. I was living the life I was supposed to live.
But is it worth the side effects? And if I start taking adderall again, am I going to become immune to the effects, only to go through withdrawl?
I'd appreciate any responses
thanks