Can people with aspergers syndrome find love?

Because people with aspergers syndrome think alot differently is it possible for them to read signals, and find a partner? Its very daunting but is there any reason for someone with this condition to be worried? Is there any advice anyone could give?

Yes it is possible and I have done it:) My name is Snake, you can read my other post "Hey I'm new here", but I'd rather aspies read it. Yeah, I'm in a relationship and I have AS. All I did was set up a profile on a personals site that described my disability, went out and hit up ads. And I found the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world:). She lives 3 states south from me at the present but she will be moving up here with me shortly.

Finding love when you have Asperger's can be difficult. We are very prone to being used and exploited because we are naive to signals and body language. I have been used in the past, and couldn't understand why.

Luckily, last year I regained contact with a friend that I had not seen for 14 years, and quite ironically, 1 month after I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, she was diagnosed with it too. We have almost a telepathy, and we are incredibly similar. I don't know if this is common with everybody with AS or if myself and my girlfriend are unique in this, but it is possible for AS people to find love, if they are careful to find the right person and to not be exploited.

http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885477880/

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931282048/

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885477708/

Its good question because i'm confused with some girl at my part time job.

She flirts and teases with everyone, including me but latley she seams to be sorta anylsing me.

I guess because i've been acting diffrently latelly.

nobody knows that i've been diagnosed, but one coworker did coment that i standout.

it also seams like shes changed shifts to crossover with my shift.

I'm confused, should i inform her that i was diagnosed with AS???

I mean its not so much that i don't want any attention from her its just i'm bafled and i want answers.

I don't know how much use this will be to you, but here is a bit of philosphy I have developed.

I am a single male, following divorce after 10 years (with 2 children.)

I have decided to stay out of any romantic relationships for a while, until I can build up a more solid network of friends and interests that are entirely my own... and to be more picky about the people I DO choose to hang around with. I wish I had done this more before I married.

I found that I was leaning too much on my wife and previous partners. One of her accusations was that all of our friends were hers, which was mostly true (not to mention the AS "weirdness"...)

I figure a good long time doing this on my own may help develop some underdeveloped sensory and social/emotional recognition skills, outside of the romantic arena. If I become attached again, I would like to bring more to the relationship.

I think this is working... based on what I see at work, my social acceptability and charm are up a bit, in fact fairly successful apparently. However, for now I am playing dumb if any women at work seem interested at all.

I don't want to charm anyone into a relationship where they decide later there was something missing under the hood! I have had that experience already, and don't need it anymore.

Not very helpful to the specific instance you mention... but hopefully useful in the bigger picture, perhaps.

Best wishes, in any case!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885477708/

(The one titled "Autism/Aspergers: Solving the Relationship Puzzle")

WTF? That book has nothing to do with (romantic) love by the description!

To vits3k:

Here is some advice/opinions from me, take it or leave it: (but if I end up helping you or anyone else, that would make me very happy! )

If

one of her accusations was that all of (your) friends were hers

,

that reflects more on her than it does on you. (Remember the grade-school counselor who explained to you that when a mean girl calls you ugly, stupid, and smelly, it doesn't mean that you're ugly, stupid, or smelly, it just means that the mean girl has issues, some of which include lack of kindness towards others and low self-esteem? There's an analogy for you.)

So...

Don't get too distracted by the details (friends, hobbies, etc.) to the point where you forget what matters. A real woman will want you for who you are and not for what you have to show off. Be yourself and keep things real!

Li'l Dragonfly

PS sorry if this post is incoherent/reads funny/etc., this restrictive/quasi-anorexic diet messes with my mind!

I am pretty much in the same boat as vits3k

I've had my share of relationships but looking back, I see that most of those women did not really know me. They clung onto a part of me they found very appealing, be it my analytical skills at decyphering their personality, or my physicality (and/or sex), or because they were emotionally needy and I was available and willing to explore their psyche.

Now that I know more, I am not willing to settle for dysfunctional relationships. However, I am finding it very difficult to find a woman I would like to be with.

Most neurotypicals I know seem to get into and stay in relationships because of what they feel due to their neurotypical emotions. I lack that. Relationships with me boil down to whatever is left minus what the neurotypicals get a kick out of, which most of them find pretty raw and boring.

I also end up resenting the person because she is not interested in who I really am. All she is interested in is how good she feels when she is with me. This is a legitimate need, but one that is not compatible with me.

So I do what vits3k does, I play dumb or just plain uninterested.
In my most recent experience, things were fine in the first and second dates, the get-to-know-you stage, but by the third one, I'd pretty much figured out she is not interested in who I really am. And by this, I do not necessarily mean my aspie self. I mean my topics of interest, the way I view the world, what I think of art, etc.

Anyhow, one thing I know for sure is that we aspies are generally more boring than the rest of the bunch.

I have not been formally diagnosed with AS, however, in retrospect I am led to beleive that I do have AS. Many people I work with and interact with have commented on me having AS.

I have known my current girlfriend for aver 15 years. We dated in the past and it ended badly, mostly, I beleive due to my fault. Now, we have been together for almost a year and in the past 6-8 months I have been reading more on AS and educating my girlfriend on the aspects of AS, the social ramifications and the lack of understanding facial expressions and body language.

When I first started talking to my girlfriend about AS, it seemed to me that she was not to interested. However, I was wrong, she is very interested in learning more (about me specifically) and helping me when I am overstimulated or confused about a social enviroments and providing insight on emotional behavior. Having a girlfriend or boyfriend who is genuinely interested in who you are rather than how you are makes a difference.

It is possible to find love if you have AS. My perception of love is feeling safe with someone and being fully accepted for who you are. I feel safe with my girlfriend, she accepts who I am and accepts that I am very different. She has provided me with more help than she realizes, I am glad I told her.

If an NT does not know that a person they interact with has AS, usually the NT will become agitated, confused or even offended with the 'aspie behavior'. When a NT has more of an understanding of AS and most of all the acceptance that we are different, then the steps forward are much easier. The gift of knowledge will usually facilitate benficial results. If a NT cant accept that a person with AS is different, well, that is not a person I would care to involve myself with.

It is much easier in the long run to be up front about AS than to pretend it doesnt exist. It will be difficult to explain and alot of NTs have difficulty accepting the fact that people with AS really do exist.

Emotions are confusing. I do not understand how NT's can claim to understand them. I dont think I ever will, but I will do my best to understand my girlfriend, family and few close friends. NT's seem to thrive off emotion and when a person displays a lack of empathy or emotion, NTs dont seem to understand. NT's never stop to think that there are people who just dont understand emotions and have immense difficulty on the subject of emotions.

All in all, I wish you luck!