Question about Asperger's syndrome

What is it like for an individual with Asperger's syndrome to have conversations? The reason I ask is because I find myself being profoundly horrible at conversations.

On my own, I can carry on conversations with myself just fine(I know this sounds weird). Through self-dialogue, I can explore ideas, reach new insights about my feelings and experiences, and come to better understand concepts like I see other people doing with one another.

Throw me in a group of people, though, and I get lost automatically. I cannot pick up the main ideas that people present in conversations. I never listen to what the other person says. Instead, I hear the first five words that they speak and then process that information, thinking that is the message they are giving.

I also have trouble automatically understanding language. A great portion of the time, it seems like people are just making noises and rambling on. I know that this is a common problem, but I feel as though I'm 100 times worse at automatically understanding things that other people say. When I sit in a class, everyone else is actively engaging in discussion while I am sitting there doodling or processing the few things I do pick up.

Could this be Asperger's syndrome? I have been questioning what is wrong with me for quite some time, and Asperger's syndrome seems like one likely possibility.

It is possible that you have AS. I know it is difficult to wonder what is wrong and have no name to give it.

DM05 what you have described is exactly the same for my situation. The net result is that I just stick to myself most of the time because talking to people rarely proves successful. You described it perfectly: Your/my mind interprets the first few words the person says and then never listens to the rest. It's very difficult because sometimes the person I talk to becomes frustrated because I hadn't been listening.


I need to know: How is your social life? - Mine is poor. I mean, I try every once in a while to become sociable but I get thrown back through my lack of 'compatibility' with the non-ASs.

I also am not very sociable. I have a lot of acquanitances- people who I will talk to when I see them or even have lunch with once in awhile- but not very many who really know me and who I can go to for help with problems.

Another couple of questions I have about AS:

1.) Do individuals with Asperger's syndrome have trouble understanding the verbal/social cues of other people and have trouble knowing what is socially acceptable?

Yes, that's one of the defining qualities of Asperger's Syndrome: not being able to process social cues effectively. It's something we have to learn by rote rather than picking them up instinctively like other people do.


I don't know if I've experienced the same problem you're having (it's been a long time since I was particularly clumsy at social interaction) but I still have trouble processing a purely auditory dialogue. To me it's like all the syllables run together and I have a hard time "chopping" the bits up into individual words.

For some reason if I look at the person's face when they talk I don't have anywhere near as much trouble. I also can often decipher what's being said by running back my mental "tape recorder" and listening to it again. But when I watch TV I've almost always got the captioning on. It just makes it easier to match the sounds and the words up so I don't miss things.


Also, looking at someone's mouth when they talk (not staring them in the mouth, but keeping it in view) tends to help socially - you're not staring off into space around the room and giving them the impression you're not paying attention.

Spektyr, you made a good point: The fact that we have to learn social cues by rote. I mean, I have excellent rote-memory and it helps me academically but for social situations trying to learn things by rote is annoying and draining. It means that we need to more time than others to get those (elusive to us) social skills.


I don't know about you but I am at the moment extremely frustrated by my lack of progress on a social scale. I am still having major problems interacting. Sometimes, a one-on-one conversation is OK but a group conversation is a disaster.


I will keep your tips in mind about how to talk better to a person.

Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses.

Social interaction is like insanely complicated algebra. It's a obscene amount of variables but the more you start to lock down (or at the very least, restrict the "range" of) the easier it starts to get to make reasonably accurate predictions, which translates into reasonably accurate social interactions.


In other words, the more you learn the better you'll get at being able to get the desired result by predicting which variable you should add to the equation next.

This is very interesting stuff.

Along with having trouble with social cues, I often find myself thinking that someone meant something in a comment or a phrase when they meant something completely different.

Also, I find myself often having trouble communicating my ideas to other people. Like I'll even have the knowledge in my head about the way a certain situation is, and I will have so much trouble articulating my knowledge through words. I end up saying something I know is completely ridiculous and even incoherent for the other person.

Are these things also common with Asperger's?

Thanks for the replies!

I aso find it difficult to put into words what I want to say. It's upsetting every time because I know it in my head but the words sometimes come out jumbled. The effect is that if I actually am managing to talk to someone the conversaion loses its pace and the person becomes disinterested. Its so very upsetting.

I have always had a hard time communicating with people in general. Sometimes their words start sounding like clatter, and then there is silence. My mind begins to wander, and eventhough I can see their lips move I hear nothing but my own thoughts. Probably expalins why I have always been a good writer. Annoying noises can throw me into a tantrum, and I say extrememly hurtful things when people annoy me. If you have no friends, you may have aspergers. We write and ramble on like crazy also. In response to a single question I have replied with pages. My IQ is 130