Might be an aspie? Thoughts? Advice?

meinsc wrote:Ok, so I heard about Asperger's and thought it sounded a little like me so I've been researching it for a couple days. I took a couple online Asperger's quizzes. My results were 149 out of 200 and it says I'm very likely an aspie. It would explain a lot. I'm not social and find it very difficult to make friends. I don't like it when strangers try to talk to me and small talk aggravates me and usually leaves me wishing the other person would just shut up and go away. I don't like looking at people and feel...exposed(?) when making eye contact. I've always had trouble with relationships and dating, and have been told by 3 different people that I seemed uninterested in them, which was surprising to me and completely opposite. My current boyfriend accuses me of hating waitresses and being rude to them which is also surprising and baffling to me. I am a loner and I'm happiest when I'm by myself. I have an obsession with books. When I'm reading one, I lose sleep over it and carry it everywhere with me if I have to go somewhere and haven't finished reading it just in case I might get the chance to read a bit while I'm out. I find myself saying "sorry" a lot for lack of knowing what else to say in a lot of situations. I don't like to be touched. I have been diagnosed with and medicated for general anxiety disorder. A lot of things give me anxiety. Changes in my plans or life that weren't initiated by me, unannounced visitors and unexpected phone calls, finances and spending large amounts of money. I'm a pretty honest person and I am frequently confused, hurt, and angry when people don't treat me the way I would treat them. I avoid social situations, even with family. I have 2 friends that I'm content to only talk to every few months. I sometimes want friends and to have someone to do things with, but I just don't know how and am fearful because people never treat me the same as I would treat them. I also have an issue with frequently thinking that someone I'm attempting to be social with (family, boyfriend, friend) is mad at me and that I've done something wrong though I don't know what. I have trouble with keeping long term employment as well. After the initial couple weeks at a new job I start feeling like people don't like me or are angry at me and it gives me anxiety to have to go to work. I've always felt different, that I don't fit in, and that something is wrong with me...but I've never known what. I've always just felt like I was a bad person.

Do any aspies have any of the same issues? Do you think I might be an aspie? Advice and where to get help?

It's possible, but then again anything is possible. You could have avoiding personality disorder, just talk to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist about it. But with ASD one must have had the symptoms since very early childhood. And you sound very introverted to me. Being introverted is NOT a trait of Aspergers syndrome. Overall, just talk to a psychiatrist/clinical psychologist.

it might be helpful if the OP could give a bit more detail about whether they think their anxiety has any causality, ie: is it general, as the GAD diagnosis implies, or specific?

shock_the_monkey wrote:OK, found it. but you're making a link between this and anxiety, not her.

Indeed I am, like I said I was. So...

horizon987 wrote:You could have avoiding personality disorder, just talk to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist about it.

There are some details in the original post that sound like avoidant PD, but there are some that don't sound like it at all. It seems to me that the social isolation is more directly related to confusion, and the apparently avoidant traits are really just low self-esteem (which is a common secondary symptom of many conditions, including Asperger's of course).

But with ASD one must have had the symptoms since very early childhood.

True. But, just to clarify it to the OP: it doesn't mean that the current symptoms must all have been present since early childhood. There are typical symptoms for each developmental stage, and some typical later symptoms only develop as a result of negative life experiences associated with the condition.

And you sound very introverted to me. Being introverted is NOT a trait of Aspergers syndrome.

It actually is. Not a universal trait, but a common one.

Overall, just talk to a psychiatrist/clinical psychologist.

I wouldn't be too quick to go see one. Many of them can be very uninformed or even unprofessional, and can actually do harm if you trust them too much (just check the "misdiagnosed" thread for extreme examples). I think the best thing is to inform yourself first. I recommend [Tony Attwood's book] as a start.

You can also watch [this presentation by Temple Grandin] with LOTS of information about the autism spectrum as a whole, if you don't mind sitting through 80 minutes of video. (Just remember that it probably won't help you determine whether you have Asperger's or not, because odds are that a lot of what she talks about just doesn't apply to you.)

anagram wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:OK, found it. but you're making a link between this and anxiety, not her.

Indeed I am, like I said I was. So...

... so, i think this is an assumption i wouldn't make. i've taken what she says makes her anxious rather than assumed that her 'identity crisis' (your words, i think) is also a cause of anxiety. i'm not saying i'm right and you're wrong but i think that there's not enough here to know either way for sure.

shock_the_monkey wrote:i'm not saying i'm right and you're wrong but i think that there's not enough here to know either way for sure.

There never is. Both opinions can still be useful anyway.

Back to an earlier post, I think there's a distinction worth mentioning: "generalized anxiety" doesn't necessarily imply that there's no specific cause, it only implies that there's no specific trigger. There may actually be a specific cause (with pervasive effects). In fact, both "dietary deficiencies" and "identity crisis" would be specific causes, if you think about it (both of them having non-specific, pervasive effects).

shock_the_monkey wrote:it might be helpful if the OP could give a bit more detail about whether they think their anxiety has any causality, ie: is it general, as the GAD diagnosis implies, or specific?

I do have triggers for the anxiety, and also get anxiety for no reason at all and just because I feel some sense of something being wrong or something bad is about to happen. My main sources of anxiety are...work, because I have delayed sleep phase disorder and am often late which causes me anxiety. Have been medicated with sleeping pills, tried staying up for 2 days to 'reset my clock', etc, but I still can't get to sleep at a 'normal' time and often oversleep in the morning not hearing any of my alarm clocks. I've had that issue since I can remember. My relationship and fear of losing my boyfriend whenever I've done something to upset him or make him mad or feel like I'm failing to be what he wants. Finances and worrying about losing my job or having money to pay the bills. Living around other people (neighbors) because (and this one is hard to describe) I feel like they don't like me even if I've never met them. Socializing or having to be around other people. Dating. Talking to or visiting one of my 2 friends because I haven't seen or talked to them in a couple months, which is my usual habit, and I feel they will be mad at me or not like me anymore. Remembering something important that I've forgotten to do (usually work related) because I am often very forgetful and have been fired from 2 jobs because of it. Thinking that someone has figured out just how screwed up I am. Having to socialize with any one person too often because inevitably I will say something stupid or offend them or just come across wrong without meaning to. Family because I know they don't like me and I'm not like them. Calling out of work, even for a valid reason, because I feel I'm going to be in trouble when I get back. The list goes on.

When I get this anxiety I just want to be at home and left alone, usually locking myself in my room. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember as well and spent most of my childhood shut up in my bedroom. It has been debilitating at times where I won't leave the house for days and once for 2 weeks. I think I have such an obsession with books and reading because it takes me outside of my anxiety and I can just stop thinking. I overthink everything. I left school early in the 9th grade partially because of being uncomfortable around other people, although I'm about to start college part time and have tested at the top 20% of high school graduates when I only have an 8th grade education.

Some of the other things that make me think I have Asperger's...I did have some odd behaviors as a child. I always walked on my toes, I remember screaming a lot when I was upset, and I had a habit of spitting on the ground before going inside because I was afraid a flying bug had gotten into my mouth. I work in the accounting field because numbers and puzzles interest me and are easy for me. I have to have very specific instructions, written if possible, because I get confused and unsure if there are any possible varients in what I'm expected to do. I have a tendency to rock or sway a lot, but usually don't know when I'm doing it. I fidget with things, especially pen caps and small circular objects like the little thing that holds the charm on my necklace or my keyring. When I'm out I'm always looking at the ground to avoid having to look at people and not wanting to attract attention. I often don't know when a joke is being told; my boyfriend and others often point out to me "that was a joke" when I don't react or I take what they said literally. I often try to explain myself or my reactions and am accused of coming up with excuses. When someone tells me their pet died, someone they know died, or something bad has happened to them I don't feel anything but uncomfortable since it doesn't directly affect me and for lack of knowing what an appropriate response should be I just say "sorry" and try to get away. I get overwhelmed in social situations or when too much is going on and feel an intense need to get away, usually to lock myself in my car or go outside. I'm sensitive to people's lies and having the truth withheld and don't understand why they do that. I almost always see right through it and it ticks me off because they should just say what they mean. I get aggitated when interrupted from something I'm doing. I'm often called rude, stuck up, and b*tchy because I don't initiate conversations with people that aren't necessary. I get stuck on various topics of interest and research the heck out of them and have a habit of talking about one topic continuously. I don't like touching people or being touched, and sometimes get aggitated when someone touches me. I also don't like touching certain things that others have touched (coins, handrails, doorknobs, etc.). For the most part, this is how I've always been. The main change is the anxiety has gotten worse and I've become more withdrawn because of it.

Yeah, I'm all kinds of screwed up.

Oh, and a couple more things. Being near water always calms me. Rivers, lakes, fish tanks, and especially the ocean. And I absolutely love animals, to the point that I have to exhibit control to not bring too many home and become a hoarder. Currently I have 2 small dogs, a parrot, a rabbit, and 8 fish. I'd have horses if I had a place to put them. Given the choice, I'd choose to spend the day with animals any day over humans. Especially dogs and horses. Their language is very direct, they don't lie, and they won't be mean just for the sake of doing so. I've always found animals so much easier to understand.

meinsc wrote:My main sources of anxiety are...work, because I have delayed sleep phase disorder and am often late which causes me anxiety. Have been medicated with sleeping pills, tried staying up for 2 days to 'reset my clock', etc, but I still can't get to sleep at a 'normal' time and often oversleep in the morning not hearing any of my alarm clocks. I've had that issue since I can remember.

Coincidence or not, this has always been a problem for me too:
schizoid-personality/topic101308-10.html#p974240

meinsc wrote:Yeah, I'm all kinds of screwed up.

Nah, you're just too anxious, that's all. Everything else is normal

I don't have the magical powers granted to psychiatrists to diagnose people, but as far as I can tell, you couldn't have more signs than you do.

My opinion: treat your anxiety, find a way to balance authenticity / employability / assertiveness, and you'll be fine. As for the details of what this means and how to do it, I'm new to the whole thing too, so I can't offer much help with this :/ I know it's by no means as easy and simple as it may sound.

i'm still firmly of the opinion that your anxiety is primarily psychiatric in nature, ie: low serotonin. the problem with sleeping is also related to low serotonin, which is used to produce melatonin, which in turn causes sleep.

you also appear to have dyspraxia (clumbsy child syndrome), which is a common condition associated with AS, although not absolutely necessary for a clinical diagnosis.

as i've already stated, i can relate to a lot of what you say about yourself. and i'm sure others here can too. beyond that, what are you hoping to get from this thread, other than some degree of reassurance that you do have AS?

Clarity mostly. And someone to discuss my concerns with. It would be a relief to know there are actual clinical reasons for my behaviors and not just that I'm bad at being human. I just wanted to explore this as a possibility to determine whether or not it is valid for me before seeing a professional. And who better to ask than someone who has the syndrome themselves.

-- Fri Nov 23, 2012 2:17 pm --

I also have to say I disagree with the seratonin theory. I eat tomatoes in some form daily and bananas 4-5 times a week. The sleep thing I have always struggled with. Even if I haven't slept in a day or two, when night comes I am wide awake and most productive. It takes several alarms to wake me up and I always use the weekends to catch up on the sleep I miss during the week.