Are you constantly being called shy or rude?

TDT wrote:I'm not sure how likely it is that aspie-ness, shy, or rude, can be detected from an email message. Perhaps "rude", but I'm not sure about the rest.

My emails, my posts here even, tend to be very formal. It's kinda how i normally write. I'm not sure that really tells anyone anything, except that I'm formal in my writing. Maybe I'm not reading into this enough.

MeELC wrote:I haven't been called rude, as far as I know. I don't think I've been called shy to my face either, but I know I am. I suck at networking and small talk. But once someone talks to me and gets a conversation going, I'm not too bad. But I'm much better with one-on-one conversations than trying to integrate a group conversation, unless it's with close friends (I have some of those!) or on a topic that I know a lot about. But then it feels more like I'm teaching than chatting.

I think some people might think I'm rude because sometimes I forget basic curtesies, even though in theory I know about them, it's just that in the flow of the conversations and events, sometimes they skip my mind. Also, the lack of eye contact is kind of rude, I suppose. Although usually I can concentrate on making eye contact (but when I do I miss some of the conversation).

madmanson wrote:One of my close friends has recently nick named me 'mouse' because of my lack of communication. I have been called shy my whole life.

It's not like I have things to say whilst in a social group and can't say them for whatever the reason is shy people can't talk. It's just that I don't have anything to say. Conversations move too fast for me to think of anything to add in. And if I am not interested in the conversation (which is 90% of the time) than my brain just feels like a black hollow space with no words to add.

Even worse is when people call me rude. Or when people tell me I need to work on my social skills.

My partner keeps telling me that his friends don't understand why I am so rude, so quiet. I am just so sick of people pointing it out to me. When I am out I try so damn hard to talk with people, but it's never good enough.

"Why are you so quite all the time"
"Do you not like me?"
"You're very shy"
"What's wrong?"
"Smile" I have had so many random people at pubs and shopping centres telling me to smile when I am on my own. I don't get it, I mean, you don't see anyone else smiling 24 hours like there is something wrong with them. I will smile when I am talking to someone, but when my friends nick off to the toilet or to grab a drink, I am not going to sit there on my own and have a smile on my face like I am crazy or something.
"Talk"
"You need to talk more"
"I'm going to get you drunk so you will talk more" --- it does work.

Telling people I have Aspergers is no help what so ever. They don't know what it is, or don't know anything about it, they don't care to know any thing about it, they can't relate it in any way to social problems, and/or just assume I am mentally retarded. Some people then decide to treat me like I am Google. I am not smart and when I don't know the answer to a question they get confused, "are you sure you have Aspergers?"

As a lot of you already feel, small talk and medial chit-chat just makes me go insane inside. I don't understand how people can just come up with any conversation at any time. How they're so good at improvising things to say. How talking about coffee or clothing for half an hour interests them.

Recently I have thought about writing a script of things to talk about, and memorise them. I've heard that Robin Williams needs a script for almost all social events to help him seem normal, and I thought it might be a good idea. That way when someone I see quite often asks me "how have you been," I can start a conversation instead of just mindlessly staring at them for ten seconds before I come up with "good, and you?" Or when a shop keeper asks how the weather is outside, I can reply instead of looking out side to remind myself what the weather is like, if that makes sense?

I am also called cute a lot of the times. People call me cute when I try to dance with them at a night club so I can fit in, or sometimes when I am just talking. "Aww, you're so cute." I don't know what I have done different to appear cute.

Most weekends I prefer to stay home and have alone time. I like to read, write, build websites, learn things, watch my favourite TV shows, read, think and sometimes do nothing and just re-chard from a day of socialising at work. But there are some weekends where I do want social interaction. I do get lonely, but it's hard. I have to be quite drunk to feel comfortable at parties and BBQs.

What about you guys?