i have a problem

ok 'ill try to be explain of what my problem is...
ok i been married a long time,but durring my marriage i been seeing my bro inlaw,we have had sex numerous times but on n off like.
now my problem i am missing him so much because he is going to the "big house",and he will be seperated from all of us for a long time...we had our last encounter and he requested me to be his last...ok now when im alone all i do is cry,and i noticed im drinking more than ever...am constanly cryin oceans before going to sleep,or in the shower..or if something reminds me of him...he sneaks in my dreams,i have trouble eating,or loss of appitite...and my spouse is cluless of whats going on with me.
im scared that i'll say something im my sleep..or scared of him finding out.
when i visit,or talk to him..i tremble and i begin to feel sick..whats going on with me?

To this guest: Try sitting quiet, and open up your true whole heart, to Godif you wish, and believe in him. He is very good, and loving to us-no matter what the problems are. If you would like, seek his help, at your nearest church. Call, set up an appointment, take the time, and have, a calm, open hearted discussion, with someone, and seek some advise,and guidence for you. Then if so, seek a comfortable place, in the church, after discussion ,and just relax, into a meditative state, sitting, or kneeling-you will recieve the true path, and light,that will calm,and soothe your upset heart.

are you happy in your marriage? do you still love him?