Commitment Phobia

Guys,
I have been suffering from this for years now. have major commitment issues. It has got so bad I cant even go on dates anymore.
This is the first time I have come accross other people with the same issue.So to be honest I am a little releived. My situation is slightly dissimilar where I have never been in a proper relationship where i loved my partner. I have always felt stronger feeling for girls I could not have. Now I just compare girls I meet to them, which i know is very unfair. When i am in a relationship, i seem to see better possibilities everywhere. And when i am single I see nothing. I always feel i am missing out on something better when I am in a relationship. Had a really bad experience 2 years ago, where i really gave in to the anxiety, which lasted about 18 hours a day. It was hell to say the least. I did not have the heart to finish with this girl, so i decided to get her to dump me. Which she did in the end. like yourslelves i regretted this. I used to feel very disorientated when i saw her after, where I did not know what i wanted. My confidence is completely gone now. Have met another girl recently, and again I am getting those feelings back again. I know she wants me to ask her out, but as i am sure you will understand i am consumed with fear of having a repeat of before. had major dose of depression after last time, which lasted about one year. I cant go through that again. Was curious to see yea mentioned OCD. How does that tie in??. i remember having a spelling thing when i was younger. where i basically spent all my waking hours spelling, it lasted about 2-3 years. have had nothing like that since. Would be very curious to see how yea have got on since.

brian

OMG I just found this thread. I cant believe how much this sounds just like me.

I know this was years ago but please tell me , How did you get through this?

Thanks for your time
Shammie

Hey I also have not found anyone else with an issue so much like my own. I can relate to all this very much.
I also Have been diagnosed with OCD but I only seem to have the symptoms of it when I am in the relationship.

How are you guys going with it now??

Hi ms500,

I just read your post from 5 years ago and I'm hoping you still get notifications for messages on this site. I am in an almost identical situation to yourself except I have been with my gf for 6 years and started have anxiety attacks for the last two. I thought they might go but they have got worse. I have been to councilling with Relate and they believe it is commitment phobia as opposed to just 'not being right for one-another' and this is inline with what i have read and understand. I haven't explored if I am OCD yet and keen to learn more.

Either way the gf is about to move abroad for 6 months and I can't see how we can continue with me feeling like this. I don't see how i can commit to moving in with her when she gets back as I will have no way to properly test how i feel over this period and I don't want to mess her about. We have agreed to split up indefinitely. It has been suggested that I try CBT and I intend to. Either way I am looking for good news that the relationship can be saved as I am already worried about losing an amazing girl. Everything else i have read has been how to start new relationships from scratch to avoid screwing them up, which is depressing and unhelpful.

regards

AB

Hi, your post was years ago--hopefully you still receive notifications...

I am the girlfriend in this story. It was shocking to read it from your point of view; I know it has already helped me heal.

Please if possible, let us know what happened