Anxious thoughts detriment to my relationship

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for nearly 2 years (will be 2 years in July), I suffer with sometimes severe anxiety, that manifests itself as anxious thoughts, that can sometimes lead to self harming. I am currently at University in my second year which I really enjoy, though at times I find it stressful and the pressures of work, deadlines and often accompanied money worries can sometimes bring on attacks. Mostly this anxiety is faced at my relationship, I will start to have thoughts that convince myself that my bf would be better off with my best friend (a mutual friend of both of us). He rides for a living and he's very good at it, she does as well. I rode horses when I was younger but gave it up when I was a teenager, now at 29 I took it back up again, and I'm not bad at it but equally I'm not brilliant either. The thing is my best friend let's call her C is better looking, people love her when they meet her (people generally don't like me so much, I get anxious and don't know what to say and can say the wrong thing or act badly), she's popular, can ride better than me, knows a lot about things they both enjoy (they can spend hours talking about horses) and he often jokingly comments how gorgeous she is. I think his jokes towards wanting to 'get his leg over' are only meant in jest but he doesn't realise the deep routed anxiety in these comments, he made a joke when I suggested him getting a job where she works that "would you really trust me working with her". The other problems I have with my thoughts are the ones where I keep telling myself I have to be a better gf, that I make his life difficult. I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder why he's with me, I often think it'd be better if I was much thinner, some days I feel amazing though and don't care how I look. I actually wrote a list out of all the things I should change to make him happier, things like not ringing him all the time, backing off so he can always make the first move to communicate, letting him make decisions and not being argumentative or opinionated. I actually said I hate you (meaning myself) as I put the phone down cause the conversation didn't go very well. I hate feeling like this and I'm probably wrong in that he doesn't want to be with my best friend but loves me (he tells me a lot) and he's not fed up with me, but this anxiety is going to push him away eventually. I've tried to talk to him about it but he just tells me stop worrying. I don't want to lose him. I also met his dad at xmas time for the first time, I'm convinced it went badly and that his dad dislikes me, whilst we were staying with his dad my anxiety was at maximum and I self harmed several times without him realising, I tried to keep everything on outside fine, but it manifested itself with outbursts of annoyance or me being difficult, it clearly annoyed him because he said it did. I wish I could just be happy, meet new people and be fine and let them warm to me, but it doesn't seem to happen like that and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Hello there. I don't know how helpful my advising would be, but I do know how you feel. Ive been with my bf almost 2 years as well and we are in the process of moving in together. Despite this, I constantly worry that he will cheat or deceive me because I'm not good enough. I believe it is a form of self-sabotage. He reassures me of his love daily and has told me he wants me to trust him, that he'd never lie to me. Even though I can normally separate my anxiety and reality, I still have terrible thoughts that lead me to think he will hurt me.

As a result of my anxiety, I have done some bad things, like snooping on his phone or computer. Other than suggestive anime pictures (lol don't ask) I have found nothing to prove my suspicions. He's never wronged me. But he's very hard to read and is quiet. So I realized I am making up self fulfilling prophecies solely because of anxiety. Ask yourself, does he give you any real evidence that justifies your worries? Is he a good man? Aside from your mutual friend, does he go out with other girls or comment on their looks? Even if he's joking about your friends looks, that just adds to your insecurity, which fuels anxiety. You should be open with him about how you feel, without getting too upset. Talking to him openly and calmly can do wonders for you and strengthen the relationship. It did for me.

I still struggle with fearful anxiety and obsessive overanalyzing, but its much better that my bf knows. Insecurity isn't pretty, but I do my best to focus on what's real. It works mostly. Just remind yourself that he's with YOU. He chose you, not your friend. Don't think you have to 'keep up' with him, or fear he will lose interest. Doing things just to make him happy out of fear could backfire. Relax and be honest about how you feel, without getting mad. You deserve to feel loved for who you are. Good luck.