by Jackman » Tue Oct 15, 2013 10:15 pm
OK, I'm new to this forum so I may need a little time to get used to it.
I found it whilst trying to find out why I get death fantasies and what, if anything is wrong with me.
I've always had fantasies of near death experiences. But not only that, I fantasise about violent incidents. And also sometimes death and my funeral.
I'm not particularly worried about the fantasies I have, as I'm not wanting to kill myself, or hurt anyone...but I am kind of disappointed with myself for thinking these things, as I have a daughter who I love deeply. It upsets me a little, that even though my daughter needs me, I still think about a violent situation or dying every day.
If I'm in a plane, I'll imagine a mid air crash. I don't specifically think of the death part, but just the episode actually happening. Even hoping it to happen.
I've often imagined my car being in a head on smash and me with horrific injuries or no legs etc. I would never try to make this happen, but I can't help thinking about it.
Also, when I'm walking along the street, I'm constantly hoping for someone to start a fight with me, or hit their girlfriend, or snatch a handbag so I have a reason get involved and cause violence to someone (for a good cause of course), I wouldn't create a situation.
I often fantasise about a gang who choose to pick on me. I always fight, and always lose, but this feels jus as good, if not better than winning.
Basically, I think I just want violent incidences to happen to me.
I am not scared of things like most people. I will walk through dangerous neighbourhoods, if someone told me a plane was not likely to make a trip because it was too old, I'd go on it. etc etc.
I think I have a sort of invincibility thing. I don't believe I'm going to die.
In the same way some people are so paranoid that they are going to die that they would never go on a plane...I'm the complete opposite. I want to go on a plane which travels through a terrible storm and want to be in it as it's torn apart, as I don't believe anything will happen to me.
I want to be in the jungles of Vietnam at the time of the war, as it would be an amazing experience. I want to go to war as I don't think I will die. I know I'd be the craziest, most determined fighter as I'd feel I was invincible. I'm obviously not invincible though as I'm human, but I don't really care about that either, as I also fantasise about my funeral (which I suppose is very common). I really can't bear to think of me just passing away as an old man. I need excitement. I need to know I'm dying. I fantasise about things like this all the time.
I think there is something wrong with me but I don't know what it is.
I don't want to tell my doctor because I don't want it on my records.
It's not a big deal to me, but I'm really interested about learning about myself.
I hop ei haven't bored you all to death.
Please could you point me in the direction of any forums/threads you think may help me.
Thanks