what do you think, ex-roommate

Hello..

I am trying to figure out some things about a person who was recently in my life, probably for closure since I haven't had any... I was told he had some personality disorders, what my psychologist wasn't sure of w/o knowing him (I've seen her for several months.) She know thinks antisocial, maybe some schitzo or borderline...bleh, we don't know.... I'd like anyone's input... Sorry this is so long!

I met "Joe" about a year ago via a roommate website. We got along, he seemed really nice, etc....so fast forward a bit. I found out a lot of information in the last few weeks, but I'll speak of prior to that first.
"Joe" wasn't a person people are drawn to, in fact, most people always thought something was "off." But a few of us saw a really nice guy who was treated badly and maybe had low self-esteem (physically & emotionally...mentally he knew he was smart). He would tell me things baout the family and people in his life that made me dislike them....how stupid people were, how they were liars, how they treated him bad in the past, etc...and so I never liked a lot of those people. He became one of my best friends, he did have a good side....don't get me wrong. He was great to talk to, had a sharp wit, etc.
Around 7 mo's ago, he started to get depressed. I tried to be supportive, but I ended up getting drug down. He started manipulating me w/ suicide attempts and "I need to talk" moments. So I finally "detached" myself, and he turned on me, saying I abandoned him. I tried to help him as much as possible, but I am not a therapist....and I think he only went to the Dr to manipulate me more (I'd take him at his request).
His stories to me basically went into how he was mentally, physically, and sexually abused as a child. Almost every story basically would turn into how he was abused or taken advantage of in any situation, by friends and family....(he was always a victim, but I can't see him using that exact word)... He didn't have many friends, and no one has known of him having a girlfriend in years.

Now, he left town a few months ago for a job. I accidently stumbled across some things in his room, as I started packing things up for him. I also started talking to a friend of his who I used to really dislike...based on lies. I now know about sooo many lies and manipulations this person pulled on me....from day one, not just from his depression period. He was having a conversation with me, and at the same time talking to someone else (online) telling them an exact opposite of what was being said to me. On nights he was calling me and suicidal, he was laughing about it at home...he told people I'd never meet that I was his girlfriend (people I know, he'd swear he didn't even like me like that)...He's been lying about so much! Every story he tells seems to have a grain of truth in it, but a VERY small one.
He seems to twist everything around to make himself seem like the best one...or a victim...etc... If it was good, he had all the credit, if it was bad, he wasn't to blame.

I got all of his things out of my house as of yesterday. He owes me a lot of money for the past few months, but I don't even care. I'm still in shock that this person has done this to me. The lies, manipulation...the basically evil comments he made behind my back while I thought he was my friend....how he did that to other people... The minute he found a reason not to like some1, he changed in his views with them.... While he hated me most days (apparently), he still had a few days where I was "great" again.... And I also know see the control game he was playing, the jealousy over guys and even girl friends....any part of my life that he wasn't involved in for a second...

I am trying to close this chapter, and maybe writing this out is part of it. I am not afraid that he's physcially hurt me, but I could see him doing something that would hurt me mentally...like promising to pay me and letting me count on his paying me, when he just wants to see me not be able to pay my bills... Or cause me issues in ways he can think of...and he knows me very well.

But I'm curious what you guys think of it all?
I kept giving him credit and the benefit of the doubt, and I think he was doing all of this on purpose...all along... and he may not realize how wrong it is, but I think he knows what he's doing..?

I should not have had to have a roommate! Can you believe it? Who did those morons think they were dealing with!

Well, for closure and after what I learned, I think I am best assuming he had some idea he knew what he was doing. My psych got technical with me about some things I'd mentioned to her that he was doing, that actually showed her he had actual knowledge of it.

I kept making excuses and reasons for his behavior, but with what I have learned recently, it was much more than I had realized or imagined.

I am just glad he is out of my life, even though it was very painful to get to this point. I'm hurt and angry by the entire situation, and while he may have a mental disorder/illness, I still have to hold him responsible for his actions....same goes for myself and others.
I had to detach from him a long time ago, which was difficult. Then learning my best friend was one lie and manipulation after another...from day one....

Thanks for the reply.

Hey,

I had a friend exactly like that... we got along well, although i used to hear a lot about her family and friends who were 'monsters' and she would supposedly have panick attacks at the mere thought of them. When the manipulative stuff became too much (i'm always here for you works for a while but if it's being abused you tend to let it be after a while) i got myself some distance from her, and also realized that the truth was not necessarily her perspective. Of course there are more to it, but in your case i would look into borderline and histrionic personality disorder. i don't know much about it, but i do know that people with borderline disorder are very skilled manipuilators, but it's not something they do on purpose, it's a facet of the disorder. of course, this can apply to more than one disorder, but what you are talking about sounds more like that kind of disorder rather than the antisocial one to me. And closure i think you'll get once you realize that this person has sucked you dry of affect.. but it takes some time.

good luck.

I can relate with you about feeling that the relationship was one BIG LIE. I have since left my boyfriend alone but continue to accept his calls just to see where his mind is at. (for my safety) and the lies still continue . It is a very sick illness that i have never experienced untill now. It truly can be mindf******.