The Sociopathic Parent - Questionnaire

kaotikone wrote:optimism ---> cheerfulness ---> disgruntledness ---> apathy ---> loathing

impressive fluctuations.

#Nihil wrote:

kaotikone wrote:optimism ---> cheerfulness ---> disgruntledness ---> apathy ---> loathing

impressive fluctuations.

LOL hadn't looked at it that way....

I see more parents at this forum now. Anyone else want to contribute?

Age: 30 (31 in less than a week)

Gender: Female

Relationship Status: Single (by choice)

Number of children, and their age/s: Two children, 9 years old and 7 years old.

Were you clinically diagnosed? Yes

What was your motivation around having children? None, they were not planned but my then partner wanted them both so I didn't get an abortion.

What was your relationship like with your parents? Good

Describe your childhood? My parents were good parents, not abusive or unfair. I was not a normal child if I believe what my mom says lol As a baby/toddler/preschooler my mom describes me as indifferent towards everything and not very affectionate. I then apparently developed disturbing behaviors and had a psychiatrist involved between the ages of 5 and 11, then not again until I was 14. Other then being different I did normal kid things, I played outside as much as possible, played Nintendo on rainy days, beat some kid with a metal pole because he wouldn't get off my rock (I was ... you know, normal things lol. I went from indifferent as a very young child to outright sadistic. I won't list everything. Bits and pieces are already in other threads.

What kind of parenting style do you have with your children? I try to be firm but I tend to be a bit of a push over with them. When it comes to discipline they get sent to their rooms for time outs, DSi's, Wii and X-Box gets taken away, ground them from the TV. That kind of thing. I never ground them from social activities because I think those are important for them. I don't yell and never spank or hit them. I can be too insensitive at times though as I can't empathize with them.

How would you describe your relationship with your children, are you close? I think my relationship with my kids is pretty good, we are close... I do a lot with them and they still enjoy our time together.

Do your children know you identify as a sociopath? No, they don't. They're too young to understand that, my youngest would be devastated if she knew.

Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)? There's been moments, yes. It's mainly when they're crying or throwing tantrums and I want them to stop. I never do though, if needed I go upstairs for some quiet time and clear my head.

How would your friends or family describe your parenting skills? They would say I'm a good parent but I need to work on being more empathetic and sensitive lol

How has being a parent impacted on you? It has calmed me down to a certain degree, I think things out more and I'm definitely less likely to ever seriously break the law again as I have to think about their well being as well, not just my own.

Do any of your children possess sociopathic traits? My oldest is diagnosed with Aspergers, certain features of aspergers can sometimes look like sociopathic traits but she definitely isn't, she has a very normal range of empathy. My youngest is the complete opposite of sociopathic, she cares way too much!

What are some of the positives of being a sociopathic parent? I can stay calm and logical in any situation (except tantrums lol), I can help them think things out logically, I'm fair and don't have any real deep emotions to cloud my judgement, but if anyone messed with my kids they would deeply regret it but I feel that way about anyone messing with something of mine.

What are some of the negatives of being a sociopathic parent? I'm probably not sensitive enough, I can't empathize with them and I don't think I can have that deep emotional bond I hear about it. I do love them though, in my own way.

Do you think being a sociopathic parent gives you an advance/disadvantage over other parents? I don't think so. All parents seem to differ in their areas of strength and weakness.

What morals/beliefs do you instill in your children? The old 'Treat others how you want to be treated', I teach them to consider others feelings and ask them how they would feel if so and so did that to them, basically I just teach them to be kind and considerate to all living things. They're good kids who get very upset if they hurt someone's feelings. I don't teach or instill anything religious upon them, when they ask I just tell them that everyone believes something different and they decide what they believe as they grow up, I answer their questions the best I can, if I don't know an answer about something religious we google it together. I don't want to brainwash my kids into believing anything. I want them to be individuals who think and decide for themselves. Whatever they choose will be fine with me.

How would it affect you if your children later were diagnosed as sociopaths? I'm not sure, I don't want them to have the same struggles I do but at the same time I have many advantages as well. As long as their happy in their lives I don't think it would bother me much. I just don't want my parenting style to turn them into sociopaths.

Age:
39
Gender:
female
Relationship Status:
single, but cohabitating with my ex
Number of children, and their age/s:
4: 18f, 15f, 11m, 5m
Were you clinically diagnosed?
nope
What was your motivation around having children?
"fate",literally, my teenage dream was to have a child with a man of every race, well, color anyway, but my thinking was 'if I am supposed to get pregnant, I will get pregnant', although I did have two abortions...see http://lizd.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d3m50l, to correct someone's previous misspelling, I wasn't motivated to have children, but had a "laissez faire" attitude toward getting pregnant. I looked at life as mine to do with as I pleased, had no fears about raising a child (or two or several!) and had no qualms about doing it by myself, a child did not equal commitment to me then or ever. After two unplanned pregnancies and bad relationships and the two abortions, I decided I should use birth control. The following two pregnancies resulted in not using my diaphragm when I was drunk and slept with an ex, I just now realized those coincideing circumstances that occurred 5 years apart...
What was your relationship like with your parents?
I was a mediator between them, the 'rational' one who explained the other side or the traitor, depending on how they looked at it, my parents also made me make all their 'business' calls, like to the power company, the schools, whatever, my mother had me writing my own excuses for school when I was in elementary school...soft mother, hard father

Describe your childhood?
oldest of four, my mom and dad had me when they were 16 and 19, my brother ten months later then my mom had a son with my dads friend and she married him, my dad was gone for awhile, my mom had a few boyfriends, had my sister several years later, my parents, meanwhile would split, get back together, split, get back together, they will celebrate their 40 yr anniversary this year and they have litereally separated dozens of times...my dad is an alcoholic and my mom is at least a narcissist, I was the favored child, my next brother was targeted as undesirable by my mom, always a battle over the boys (different dad status)and preferencial treatment, all very open, my brothers were maniacs, especially my younger one...it was centered around my moms moods, I guess, and my own thrill seeking and attempting to dominate everything in my life...
What kind of parenting style do you have with your children?
I look at parenting as guiding and performing a responsibility, I am cursed with extreme vascillations of empathy and detachment, I hate punishing my kids when empathy and/or laziness come into play, I don't feel the need to punish so much as discuss and learn and sometimes I feel insensitive to their plights an take a very rational approach "The Buddhists say Life is suffering" "pain is transient" etc...

How would you describe your relationship with your children, are you close?
We are very close and affectionate...they love me, I love them, they are the only people I have ever really committed to and possibly ever will...
Do your children know you identify as a sociopath?
we value individuality around here, they consider me "quirky" I guess
Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)?
I have never had a strange, unprovoked urge to harm my chilren
How would your friends or family describe your parenting skills?
well, my mom will bitchily say my youngest is a bad boy, she loves to say who her favorites are, they sometimes think I am a bad influence, they sometimes think I am not authoritarian enough, they can all suck it, my goal is that they love me and know I am there for them and I believe they do
How has being a parent impacted on you?
Definitely calmed me down, I often say if I hadn't had children I would likely be dead, having been victimized by some interesting creep, misplaced trust, or overall curiosity in general in the creepiness of this world. My children keep me grounded, I would either be a vagabond or a psychiatrist at this point, as becoming a parent, unexpectedly, four times really interrupted my academic/career progress, they are addictive creatures in infancy!
Do any of your children possess sociopathic traits?
I think so. My oldest is a tall, beautiful, lean girl who, at 18, skateboards, climbs trees, digs and breaks up rocks, steals, b&e at 14, bathes only every few days and has done more drugs than I have at almost 40. She is very intelligent but has had difficulty with school since kindergarten. Got her GED in a snap after she finally quit after years of truancy and summer school (which she would always attend and pass)She is often unkempt with lots of scrapes and bruises. My 15 yr old girl is beautiful and obsessive with boys and overtly emotional, more into sex than drugs, excellent at parental manipulation. My 11 yr old is very mellow and adaptable, hopefully nothing lurking. My five year old is a maniac, too soon to tell...

What are some of the positives of being a sociopathic parent?
Previously mentioned rational perspectives, which I often lack, less intervention on the child's expressions of individuality and experimentation with life
What are some of the negatives of being a sociopathic parent?
goddamn selfcentered egotism! selfishness, me first or me only...lack of empathy when it comes to the child's sense of self worth
Do you think being a sociopathic parent gives you an advance/disadvantage over other parents?
both, althou Mr Noone sounds like a fabulous parent
What morals/beliefs do you instill in your children?
Do unto others, trust your instincts, be good, do you
How would it affect you if your children later were diagnosed as sociopaths?[/quote]
My children are my children

Mr Noone...I think, pointed out differences in socio vs psychopath and I found those comments very enlightening. All my children have different fathers. I have had many relationships in my life, none lasting more than four years, all ended by me with these guys all heartbroken and obsessed for a few months, of course it didn;t help that I would continue to have sex with them when the mood struck or use them to my advantage when necessary, for example, when I let the cheating drug dealer live with me (AND rescued him from a drug raid that occurred the day following my invite) two years after we broke up (as he was still fixated) after I had to antiseduce the guy I had been living with (my ex's socio friend who I was certainly attracted to but had threatened to sleep with if I found my ex cheating...which I did) before he completely ruined my life, long story short, I had to graduate university and he can watch his own son while I did it! My point is...thank you Mr. Noone, I have been wasting my time with hapless sociopaths when I need a well dsciplined, genius of a psychopath!!!
Shanks!!!!
...or perhaps a more well thought out plan of my own...I am the personification of disorganization with a too heavy dose of apathy

eeveedee wrote:What was your motivation around having children?
"fate",literally, my teenage dream was to have a child with a man of every race, well, color anyway, but my thinking was 'if I am supposed to get pregnant, I will get pregnant', although I did have two abortions. I wasn't motivated to have children, but had a "laissez faire" attitude toward getting pregnant. I looked at life as mine to do with as I pleased, had no fears about raising a child (or two or several!) and had no qualms about doing it by myself, a child did not equal commitment to me then or ever. After two unplanned pregnancies and bad relationships and the two abortions, I decided I should use birth control. The following two pregnancies resulted in not using my diaphragm when I was drunk and slept with an ex, I just now realized those coincideing circumstances that occurred 5 years apart...

Can I ask you whether you were you under extreme stress when you had the abortions?

I'm curious about this because I'm interested in how sociopathic reproductive behaviour is different from 'normal', and it seems to me that for high IQ, high functioning paths, we have increased reproductive fitness because we act upon 'gut instincts' rather than overriding biological urges (the abortion of healthy pregnancies naturally reminds me of 'The Hypothesis' that people with high G will take evolutionarily novel behaviours even at cost to their own genetic self interest). However feelings of extreme stress might trigger behaviours that are equivalent of a mother animal practicing infanticide in the wild, and you're DA suggests that you experienced negative psychological outcome after abortion and yet you had two. Or is it that you discovered the nature of abortion later and felt guilt (but not remorse)...?

I'm just curious...

I really don't feel guilt or remorse. They did not occur under extreme stress. I believe my father accompanied me to both. However, shortly after the first one I became pregnant again with the same man. I had that child and years later I had recurring dreams, briefly, of a young female ghost that I became half convinced was my daughters aborted sister. So, I guess that first one "haunted" me, if you will. The second was with a much younger man and I already had two children with two different fathers and did not want a relationship with this man, I stopped speaking to him and never told him. I felt some guilt about not telling him. Hence the painting. I do, generally, act on my gut and that has dictated pretty much all of my life choices. I also had one miscarriage which was actually quite emotionally upsetting which perplexed me because I did not want another child at that time and the pregnancy was unexpected, I attribute my emotional reaction to hormones. However, I did, not much later, get pregnant again with that same man and gave birth to my fourth child. I definitely consider myself very fertile! I sometimes consider having another child to maintain my youth and I love my babies! But I have learned alot about the responsibility and sacrifices necessary in child rearing and the idea of another baby is not at all enticing 95% of the time. I hope this answers your question because these are not my favorite memories or proudest moments...

You've answered the question, but after saying "I really don't feel guilt or remorse" you do mention guilt and feelings of being 'haunted' as well as being emotionally upset at a miscarriage. if you do not mind me saying so, you simply seem confused about your feelings. Why did you continue the other pregnancies when you did?

I ent with my first pregnancy because it was my first, I was very excited and felt very capable of handling. I got pregnant by my ex and had no desire to reconcile. My second pregnancy as with an abusive, unstable a-hole, didn't want to have his child and my mom was pushing abortion. I initially intended to have the child but when the a-hole told me in a fit of anger to abort, I decided to and dumped him. After the abortion we reconciled and I later had his child. He frequently called me a baby killer and told me I killed his son. He was an all around bastard, so I didn't take those comments to heart but would respond that he had told me to. We didn't last to our daughter's first birthday. I aborted the next one for reasons already mentioned. When I became pregnant for my third child I became very depressed, I did not want to have a third abortion and I didn't want to be with the father. When the child was born I was, of course, deeply in love, but now single with three children and three daddys. The miscarriage reaction I cannot rationally explain, except it was rather traumatic as I pushed out a ton of blood and a handful of what must have been the fetus INTO MY BATHWATER....also I had horrible pain for hours. At first I was ok, thinking no problem, I didn;t want another child anyway but was then overcome with tearful sadness....must have been the hormones, as those feelings didn't last and I do not mourn that loss. Of course I did become pregnant some months later for my fourth child. I suppose I felt a sense of vague guilt/responsibility. It was my own carelessness that caused the abortions. More guilt and shame about making poor choices than the actual abortions themselves, aside from the creepy dreams...which inspired the painting. The paintiing is more a metaphor for women hanging themselves with children and responsibility and the guilt and sacrifices involved. If you look closely you will see the woman in the painting has a chain of sorts around her neck with the symbol for male (circle w/ arrow). The moon cycle represents a woman's cycle, yada yada yada

Demon wrote:

abracadabra wrote:Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)? Only wanted to when he was a baby, but didn't. Constantly screaming babies are frustrating. I make fun of him, but in a good-natured jesting sort of way, and he knows it, and reciprocates.

I'm the same. I make fun of my daughter at times, but not in any harsh way. It's always jokingly, but unlike your son, my daughter doesn't reciprocate. I don't know why. She just looks at me and says, "Whatever..." Sometimes she will smile slightly when she says it, but it doesn't appear to be a genuine smile.
Does that mean she doesn't care or she is taking some mild offense to it?

She doesn't like it.