wow, i'm not alone in this

Wow, it's amazing to see that I am not the only one who has been a victim of someone who isn't right in the head. Me? I've been the victime of a sociopath for the last 4 yrs. of my life. My prime years 18-21 have been stolen from me because of this person's selfishness. As angry and as hurt as I am from all of this, I know that I AM and that I have been the better person. I'm back on top and him,...well, he still a sad and sorry person. What do you guys think about exposing a sociopath to his family?

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I to have been a victim of this for me its been six years. My view on exposing him to this family is to go for it. Hope that they don't see you as vindictive and that you can do so tactfully.
Personally I'd do it by letter because then you get to think about what you want to say. I AM SURE that they already know something is wrong - they must do and by you maybe writing to them and enclosing some info about the disorder that will help them to see the problem and maybe protect themselves and others. Perhaps it will give them some answers and some missing pieces of the puzzle. Would you want to know if it was your close family member??

My EX a 33 year old APD has hidden so much of himself from his family and it sickens me. He has led others to believe that I am scary, intense and obsessive etc. Which I am none of these things.

I have slowly made contact with his sisters (two of them) and let them know about this and sent one of them some info on the disorder. The important thing to remember is that YOU are OK! YOU are SANE! It hasn't all been in your head and you have sadly been pulled into someone elses mind games.

I feel for you. I myself feel I have wasted a large part of 6 years. From 25 to 31. My biological clock is also ticking and that has helped me to move away from him. He has affected my career, my social life, all my other relationships, my self-esteem, my get up and go, my zest for life, my moods, you name it!

You are still so young. You have a chance to live a full and happy life. Be easy on yourself. This has probably damaged you and you may never be the same again. It is better to face the truth than try to be exactly as you were before.

Get up each day and endeavour to be happy.....

Thriver

_Lotus_ wrote:What do you guys think about exposing a sociopath to his family?

What do you mean by exposing him? Also, do you want to know if people think it is a moral thing to do, or if they think it is a safe thing to do.

If he's done something to hurt you, and you think that making his family aware of his actions will keep him from hurting you more, I see little reason not to tell them.

fomori4hire wrote:

_Lotus_ wrote:What do you guys think about exposing a sociopath to his family?

What do you mean by exposing him? Also, do you want to know if people think it is a moral thing to do, or if they think it is a safe thing to do.

If he's done something to hurt you, and you think that making his family aware of his actions will keep him from hurting you more, I see little reason not to tell them.

I think it's important for his family to know and to see that their: son, brother, cousin, and uncle is a fake and a lie. But you know what, going through the process of "exposing" my ex to his family has been a battle for me, and I should have expected that. My ex tried to turn the tables on me to make it seem like I was the crazy one!! But I haven't given up, and because of my perserverance I think his family is starting to realize that maybe something is wrong.
I did nothing wrong by my ex but be there and support him in all the ways he needed. When I add up and subtract all the things that were given and sacrificed by me, and the things that were given and sacrificed by him, I'm the one who comes out in the negative. I gave it all and I lost it all.
I sacrificed myself physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally because of this selfish person. But I can't allow myself to feel angry about all of this to the point that it's all that I think about. Why give him the satisfaction of having control over me still? I won't, cuz his ass is NOTHING! From the get go I was always about more than he was.
For someone who was older than me, I trusted and expected that he would be responsible and do right by me. But it always seemed like I was the bigger person. My ex will brag and boast about himself, about his past accomplishments, and future goals....but where's all the action? Talk is VERY CHEAP and that's a lesson that I have learned from all of this. I'm too great of a person, and I deserve WAY BETTER.
I stood by his side for 4 yrs, through all of his talks of change (he made small changes but never fully got there). That shows the kind of person that I am. That through his faults I believed in him cuz I know if he ever put his mind to it, he can do great things. But a possibility is ONLY a possiblity. It's nothing until it becomes something.
It's all good though. I know that there will be days when I feel down, because yes, I did care about this person. He did make me feel special and like we had something good. I invested my whole being into this person.... but I can't hurt from all of this. I can't hurt because of his shortcomings, insecurities, lack of morals and values...that's on him to deal with, NOT ME! I've been the better person, and I am the better person.
In one month alone, my life has moved forward in more ways than in the 4 yrs. of knowing my ex. I'm taking control of my life, and I won't pity my ex or feel sorry for him for the sad excuse of a human being that he is.
Life is short, and we will all be judged one day wether we believe it or not. I'm content with that and my heart is at peace leaving my ex up to God. I don't have to worry about him, cuz wether he learns from his mistakes of using me and taking advantage of who I am and what I'm about.... I don't care. He may not suffer or get what he deserves in this world, but I know God knows my heart and knows that I did right by my ex and had nothing but good intentions in mind. My ex might have fooled me, but he hasn't, can't, and won't fool God. And that's all good to me.....

So maybe I'll just leave the exposing alone. I obviously can't change my ex and I doubt anyone else can. I just pray that no one else will become a victim of him (fat chance). There will be others, but his play time will one day be over. When it's all said and done, we'll see who came out on top....

(I can finally exhale)

I just pray that no one else will become a victim of him (fat chance)

I just want to say something to you. I am proud of people like you. There are alot of people on the streets who will look sideways and ignore because of their own suffering. What you choose is your choice to make, but having the gump to care about the path of others is commendable. I for one, would forwarn anyone, knowing destruction was headed their way. How many times on how many sites have I listened to women claim the 'new' or 'other' woman deserves what she gets. This is how some child molestors turn into rapists and keep on gettin by...someone or someten looked sideways.

I hear you Sky. Too often people look the other way cuz they don't want to face reality. But why? Why be afraid to stand up for something that is wrong? Why are we so afraid?!?! It's so frustrating and sad to me. I just wish people could be responsible so that we can catch and expose these predators that lurk in our society! When will the innocent stop becoming the victims? That's a question society as a whole needs to address. People need to stop being so scared to take action for themselves and for those who can't protect themselves. That's the only way the victims (past, future and present) can ever overcome and in some way, feel justified.

Stay strong in the struggle.

~ LoTuS ~

_Lotus_ wrote:I think it's important for his family to know and to see that their: son, brother, cousin, and uncle is a fake and a lie. But you know what, going through the process of "exposing" my ex to his family has been a battle for me, and I should have expected that. My ex tried to turn the tables on me to make it seem like I was the crazy one!! But I haven't given up, and because of my perserverance I think his family is starting to realize that maybe something is wrong.

Congratulations. Depending on how tightly knit the family is, it will take a while for them to realise one of their own is doing something wrong. It sounds like you did the best you could for now. Give them time, and they may figure it out on their own.

I did nothing wrong by my ex but be there and support him in all the ways he needed. When I add up and subtract all the things that were given and sacrificed by me, and the things that were given and sacrificed by him, I'm the one who comes out in the negative. I gave it all and I lost it all.

Well that's grand. In the meantime, I suggest working on building up your life again, without him. It's hard, but possible. Strengthen your network of friends. Work towards financial stability, and independance. Having both at your fingertips makes it much harder, but not :!: impossible, for someone to take advantage of you.

In the meantime, I suggest working on building up your life again, without him. It's hard, but possible. Strengthen your network of friends. Work towards financial stability, and independance. Having both at your fingertips makes it much harder, but not impossible, for someone to take advantage of you.

So are you saying that my successes: like not dropping out of school like my ex did, rebuilding relationships with people in my life, working, and having goals, could be making my ex envious of me or something? I've always felt like he was bitter towards me or there was animosity or perhaps jealousy because my life seemed better (or rather just normal) than his. Would you say it's a bad idea to tell him about the positive steps I've been making in my life?
I feel like things were a lot better (as far as his feelings towards me) when I was at my lowest points (which came to be because of him).
Wut do you think? And how do you think I can and should go about getting him out of my life with out him hating me? When I told him that I was going to take an F in a class, I almost sensed that he was happy to hear that. On two seperate occassions he said, so you're taking an F in your class? What is that about. If all I need to do is make it seem like my life is $#%^, just let me know and I'll do it! Whatever it takes to get this guy OUT of my life!