skyway wrote:Fomori have you, information/researched, studies on the frontal lobe? If so, I would be interested in your perspective regarding such. Since you have not been diagnosed I am assuming that you have not been unwillingly caged up nor subject to in house treatment.
I have little personal, or academic knowledge on that with regards to sociopathy, however there are interesting correlations to other schools of thought.
I was "forced" into counselling in school when I threw stuff in class. Since it didn't hit the other students, it was optional, but I wasn't told that until a few sessions in. In school, I went to a lot of counselling, where they made their observations. I've only paid for counselling once, and the person as a rule didn't perform diagnoses, unless requested. I didn't ask.
So, Zorro with a cell phone eh?
Oh yeah, although I wouldn't call myself a hero, and it doesn't need to be that much money, but you've got a decent idea. He could pretty much shape his life, he
chose to put it at risk.
One thing I would like to dismiss is my natural instinct to judge. Biting tongue. I grew up poor, but in a (mostly-healthy) functionable environment. Stealing was punishable by strap, because pride outweighed all. I made my first bra
Respect was learned very early. I would imagine it is hard for you to respect things Fomori, maybe it was not instilled?
It depended on who I stole it from, or if it was for me. Steal a candy bar, or a lipstick for myself, and yes, I'd get in trouble. Stealing jewelery, or books from people we didn't like was okay. Shoplifting was
not okay, unless it was a gift. A relative stole some catfood from the supermarket, and although mom raised a scornful eyebrow, we fed it to the cat, and thanked him. We also joked about it later. Getting
caught shoplifting, for something for yourself, would get you in a world of trouble.
Our pride was in never begging. Either we went without, or we stole it, but we never begged. At least, that's what happened before she caved and eventually went on welfare. Realising she had done that, while I was no longer there, completely confused me, and caused me to have a minor crisis.
I think you've misread me.
I think I have also, my apologies Fomori.
It's okay, it happens.
No one felt like helping you? Is it possible there were options that were overlooked? By your care taker? Is this really how you felt or are feeling now about the situation, or how you were assigned to? Again, trying not to judge.
I don't know. In either case, I do feel that way. I was raised to believe that people won't help, in fact, that most other people are actively against your sucess and you need to do it yourself, or trust your family. My family kept betraying me, so I developed a close set of friends, some of which betrayed me. One person against the entire world, isn't a fun way to think, so I tried to develope teams of people who can back each other up.
I now know that my parents could have accepted aid for all their children, but chose not to due to pride. Small things that may have helped like school lunches, cheese, milk, welfare (evil word) even clothing. When addressed later it was stated that pride prevented these.
See above. I know exactly how you feel. I didn't understand what getting government cheese and milk was, but for a while she did get that. She just didn't tell me.
Whose pride? I often wondered where money came for the smoking and drinking and gambling. Always enough for that.
That's one way my mother tried to extend the little bit of money we had. I kept on telling her to use strategy. When she wins, put it aside, and make sure you do not throw the money right back into the casino. My stepfather wouldn't listen to her, and she kept trying to hide some aside. There were times they went in with 300, and got up to 3500, only to gamble it back out, and come back with pocket change.
I got so
sick of that. Conservative betting isn't likely to make you rich, but at least if you know what you're doing, you can cut your loses.
I was fortunate that I learned appreciation through creativity and nature. Honestly for many years I never wanted for anything. You could not buy these things, nor would I sell them, for that I am grateful. But also questioning. Why certain sacrifices are/are not made, for some and not others. What were the motives.
Heh, if you keep on touching on certain issues, I'm might have to request it be taken to PM, if only because we're getting very close to some extremely private stuff.
I don't mind talking about some of it, but it's a bit odd in public.
That and I might be obliged to pay you $20 a message for the online therapy.
Enlighten, that is a challenge..
Always.
hehe upper middle class, what a disgusting atmosphere.
You're telling me.
I do not allow such an experience. When I have a choice that is. I am sometimes slow to opening my eyes, however, I have no regret for the choices I make. I am sometimes willing to bear for future success. True I am vulnerable. I teeter with strength and weakness, never quite balanced.
I know the feeling.
Why is it a dumb question? The answer is yes, at least sometimes. If it never did, I wouldn't be on this forum.
Glad to make you happy.
'go it alone'? Why can't you? Are you referring to wife and children? What prevents you from succeeding alone?
I don't have a wife and kids. It's also not likely that I'm getting a wife any time soon.
I can manage, technically, but I want to do more than that. It seems the economy, and the job market, makes it much more sensible to work as a team to handle finances, and eventually handling children. Essentially, the extended family model. It may simply be my own cultural bias. It doesn't help that I am a young, and unconventional, minority, with only a little paid experience in the direction that I want to take my career.
You are causing me to question a lot of my suppositions on the issue however. I don't want to become like my mother. She took on thankless odd jobs just to get barely enough food to make dinner that night.
Though you are very aware Fomori. Articulate as well. No doubt you spend yourself well. You are a great pal I presume.. & cohort
I'm a
very good cohort.
I can relate, on several levels. Some experiences are never forgotten. Some experiences unforgivable..unexcusable. Avoid and distrust. Though I am mostly incapable of compromise, I will turn it in ways to appear as such, but no. I know it stems from mistrust. It is the safest way of assuring 'safe-self'.
It's definately one of them.
And he is welcomed, by her? How is it that he helps?Maybe she feels he still needs her in some way? Sadness...
Anger on my part. He used to beat her, and I was left putting ice on her eyes. He can't pay her enough to make up for it, although he's free to empty his bank account in an attempt. I wish she'd stand her ground, but she doesn't.
I'd have to engage in car theft, which is far beyond my scope. We are talking thousands of dollars, just to get some of the collectors to leave her alone.
Fomori, how are you responsible for her debts? Is it possible that she is making you feel dependent upon her? We may be similar in this fashion. I made drastic changes in my life to assist my parents. They are doing better now, but still, bankruptcy became inevitable for them. Maybe this would help her too. To start over, new, independent, to gain some self worth...
Habit. My mother seems to engender codependant relationships. I've had a recent reawakening to this fact. She provides someone who I can talk freely about many of my faults with. I try to compensate her for that.
My relationship with her is too hard to describe right now, and recent discoveries threaten to shake everything up. You did hit on something important.
I feel like I can be good, through her, sometimes. I know so many people who will just throw their mother to the winds, and that's something I've been taught you just
don't do.
I do feel that she needs to take control over her life, and I try to help her with that, but I'm not sure how much she's willing to try.
You cannot gain control by depending on someone else.
Trust is tricky and difficult to give. When loyalty is necessary, betrayal is bitter.
Well put.
Fomori, have you tried any form of counseling? Don't remember reading if either/or. I know that you are attempting self-healing/treatment which is highly respectible. Are you medicating at all? medicinal, herbal, etc. It seems that you are high-functioning in knowing when you are acting or reacting in ways you do not wish. Are you then finding that you can control yourself in avoiding certain patterns, situations? If so, how is it causing you to respond, moods, etc?
Interesting to me with AsPD (and certainly not assuming this fits you), but I think that you will understand. There is more brain awareness. Honestly. Anyone who lacks certain emotion must make grave effort in adjusting to the 'norm'. Big difference between changing a reaction and creating one. Take an average Joe Blow off the street. He may be perceived as normal, but in any given situation where one is asked to make change, the pattern is not different. People do not change, not overnight, not for anyone, only for themself, if the want is there and only on their own terms. So what you are faced with is severe in proportion and highly commendable. I wish for you results that satisfy.
Thanks.
When I deliberately intend to use people, I don't let them near me emotionally. That is my most important attempt at morality yet. Don't knock it.
No knocking here.
Some people will develop an emotional attachment to me anyway. I try to be nice about it, but it isn't a guarantee.
Quite frankly, this is unavoidable on both sides. Tragic as well, I know. As you are unable, others are only able. It seems logical the only way to prevent this is to be unkind, or scare them off. Maybe this is my experience, maybe not.
My goal in self-treatment is to not hurt those who I care about in the process. Anything further will have to wait until this basic sucess.
Have you made them aware of this?
Personally, I feel like you are making me much more glamourous than I feel, and I'm supposed to have a grandoise self-image.
Yes, I believe I was envisioning you adorned in gold
Grab it man, before the image dissipates! We can pawn it for a 50/50 split!
This is unfortunate. Via internet or personal?
In person. I discussed some of my conversations here with them. They seemed okay with it, but now that they know I won't be pushed into fighting their oppressor du jour, they tell other people that they are afraid of me.
Also unfortunate. Although personally, I have had this experience and naturally one finds some things hard to believe. Not to mention when paranoia is being used or played.
True.
Absolutely, I could not agree more. I have had envy for those lacking emotion because of this. In my eyes, there is no greater pain than betrayal. Trust is sacred with me. It is the greatest gift to give. With it comes loyalty, and sometimes love.
I do my best not to spit on trust. I avoid it in the tangible sense. If someone There are times that I mistake trust for something else, and that's when I'm most likely to betray someone, without even understanding what I'm doing. I also don't always realise that they trust me, unless they explicitly state or display their trust, in a manner that is not advantageous to them.
I used to test people that way.
When I get impulsive, it's worse.
cheers all of you.
yeh, dumb question..
If you had an account, we could take this to PM. 
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