Narcissism..

Reaper wrote:- Almost constant boredom, which I feel every.single.day, just about drives me up the wall.

- I used to get into trouble at school for skipping classes, not doing my work, or getting others to do my work for me. And for skipping school altogether.

- When my mother fell pregnant with my sister, she decided she didn't want me around anymore and basically kicked me out (she did help me move out though). I was still in school at this point, but had stopped going regularly and decided to drop out before my final year. I kept getting into trouble (arguments and fights) and ended moving back home, then I'd get into arguments at home, and end up moving back out again, and the same thing would happen again and again. It got to the point where my mother told me I was never allowed back home again.

- Because of the way I am my mother never liked the idea of me being a parent. When my daughter came along she wanted me to adopt her out and later, when my daughter became a teenager) tried to get her put into foster care after convincing her that that's where she's better off. She did it without even talking to me about it, which really pissed me off.

- I was not a very good parent to my daughter, which ultimately lead her to act out by getting into fights at school, not doing the school work she was given and being rude to teachers, which lead to me having to attend welfare meetings at the school quite often, to the point where they were talking about taking legal action.

- I was banned from a medical clinic ('advised' never to go go back there) because of something I confided in a doctor that she obviously over-reacted to, and had to find a new doctor.

- A new doctor I started seeing called the Mental Health Team on me for a risk assessment because he was concerned that I might hurt/kill someone, only because I told him I wanted my testosterone checked because of all this aggression I have and a desire to kill people. I honestly didn't think he'd see it as that big of a deal because I didn't say I was going to kill anyone or that I was planning to. But apparently it concerned him enough to call the Mental Health Team immediately, the moment I left his office. They were trying to contact me before I even got back home.

- I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had for being impulsive and irresponsible. Some of that was self-sabotage so I could get fired. I hated almost every job I ever had, and I especially hated having to work for someone.

- I've been kicked out of / evicted from places for drunken behavior.

- I've been reported to the police multiple times. Sometimes I think prison is inevitable.

- I've spent my entire life walking an endless road to nowhere, because I just cannot seem to think very far ahead or stay focused long enough to achieve anything long-term.

- And let's not forget my obsession with murder. While that's more of a problem for other people, I'm the one who has to live every day of my life among the very things I want to kill (by that I mean people, they're everywhere). Can you imagine what it would be like for a hungry lion to live among the zebra and not be able to kill one every time it gets the urge to, but instead have to put on an act in order to blend in...

Probably the worst impact it's had on me is how alienated from everyone I feel, producing a sense of isolation, which ultimately leads to anger, not just at everyone around me, but the entire fuking world.


But hey, you're probably right. This disorder doesn't cause me any problems...

EllaBlack wrote:What would your ideal self look like?